(One of the employees of a non-profit I work with has she/her as part of her email signature. When asked about it she said exactly what @CheddarcheeseMN mentioned, that it’s to show support.)
Yes, introducing every. single. person. with pronouns added takes longer, doesn’t flow automatically, is unfamiliar, feels unwieldy. But people are being harmed in all sorts of ways for not being cis/het – I think an effort to set a safe and respectful tone is well worth it.
We started using different pronouns for my childhood best friend when he was in first grade. We figured if he ever changed his mind, it wouldn’t be too hard to switch back.
Now he’s a junior in college, completed medical transition and “looks male” yet my dad still messes up almost every single time! Really…you have known this kid for two decades and you still go off the early days? My friend is understanding, however.
My friends who use they pronouns often say “they or [she/he]” to allow for such mistakes to be made and to let people feel more comfortable, especially those who are “new to this”.
@KKmama My native language actually has gendered noun, and probably because of this I find it hard to understand what all the fuss is about. When I’m used to think of a chair as male and a stool as female for no obvious reasons, it’s harder for me to see why people can’t just stick to a pronoun that corresponds to how they generally look without it being such a big deal. I’m not at all saying I’m right to feel this, because the gender issue is so complex socially and it’s not really just about language.
In some languages, the pronouns “he” and “she” are the same (i.e. no gender distinction, like writing “s/he” in English), or are pronounced the same.
While true, on the flip side, some of these languages also have a T/V (informal/formal) distinction which leads to its own incumbent set of faux pas. It will take less effort to ask how a person prefers to be addressed than to learn Hungarian. 
I think younger people have an easier time with this then those of us who may be more “set.” Our small suburban high school is very supportive of different gender identities. There are a couple of trans and non-binary kids and many who identify as gay or bi. We have seen no bullying and wide acceptance.
When my middle daughter was 7 years old, a friend introduced herself and her two mommies. I was concerned because I had not yet explained anything to my daughter about different kinds of families and was worried about what she might say. She just took it in stride with, “Oh hi!” It didn’t occur to her that two mommies was something to ask about.
For those uncomfortable with “they” as singular, you can comfort yourself by remembering that Shakespeare used it. The singular use of “they” goes back to at least the 14th century, but fell out of favor in the late 19th.
Not very fluid if the teacher is either/or between two genders. There must be a point of instantaneous change, which is interesting.
“In some languages, the pronouns “he” and “she” are the same (i.e. no gender distinction, like writing “s/he” in English), or are pronounced the same.”
My roommate in college was a Finn, and Finnish pronouns have no gender. So even though he had lived in the US since his early teens and spoke English fluently, he still regularly made he/she mistakes. He just couldn’t get used to to gendered pronouns. He always had to stop and think it through first to avoid mistakes.
I have had at least four (that I know of) transgender people in my life, so I try to be very sensitive to this issue. I have absolutely no problem in remembering and using one’s preferred pronoun (if told), but I will not use ze, ne, etc. because they aren’t in common usage, so they would have to be explained all the time, which would impede business communication. My firm is very forward in terms of these situations, and I have never (personally) encountered someone who wasn’t willing to communicate their preferences or to be understanding of mistakes. I think all we can ask is clear communication, sincere effort, and understanding on all sides. Beyond that, we’re all human.
You dont have to go to Shakespear for using a singular They. It’s used in current speech - They left their coat in the closet.
People introduce themselves with their pronouns so others can feel comfortable and address them correctly. If mistakes are made, just correct and move on.
You don’t need to introduce yourself this way but you do need to treat other people considerately and address them in an appropriate manner.
I still think it is silliness. If you present as a male people will get it right and if you present as a female they will get it. If you are confused why does that become someone else’s problem to figure it out. Correct them and move on. I am not particularly interested in living in a genderless or gender confused society. Sorry, guess I am “one of them” so live your life honestly and I can respect it just dont try and make me feel guilty or shove ideology down my throat for embracing my gender.
This is CC so I’m not going to swear here, but I mentioned that I have been misgendered at times. So I’m going to say forcefully,
No. No they won’t. Not always. I’m female. I was assigned female at birth, and have always been female, and have never presented as male. And I have been misgendered.
If I, someone assigned female at birth, can be misgendered, then there are trans women who are going to be misgendered a lot more.
“younger people have an easier time with this then those of us who may be more “set.””
Yes, they do.
That said, it’s a very old rule of etiquette to call people whatever they wish to be called, even if their choice violates some other convention. Back in the '90s, Miss Manners wrote that people can call themselves “Henry Higgenbottom the Eighth, if that pleases them.” I’d find that name a lot more difficult than “he.”
People who are trying to be courteous regarding other people’s preferences should not be blamed for mistakes. People who do not care to try to be courteous should be blamed as they would for other deliberate impoliteness.
@momofthreeboys I don’t think it’s silly. I think taking the extra time matters. I think (societal) we have done so much damage to trans people in the past that it’s appropriate to make gestures to try to correct that.
What part of people embracing who they are constitutes such a problem for people who “embrace their gender,” though? And what’s there to feel guilty about if you truly practice respect toward others? We all make mistakes; change can be difficult but is certainly inevitable. This issue won’t go away because some people think it’s silly. Perhaps there would be less awkwardness if they didn’t communicate that while “respecting” others.
@JHS @TheGreyKing @doschicos The child being punished for not using the correct pronoun is not made-up: The details come from my daughter who watched it happen and heard about the punishment afterward. I am also an acquaintance of the mother of the gender-fluid child who relayed her child’s version of it but confirmed the punishment. I guess you will all just have to accept that I’m not lying. If you choose not to, I can’t help that. This all came about because this 13 year old was crawling under tables in the cafeteria, hitting feet and legs. The one child yelled out to one of the teachers present, “He’s over here. He punched me.” At that point the gender fluid child jumped out and said he was a girl and the other child was "calling me “he” on purpose. To me, this is insane. Interestingly, the gender-fluid kid (who clearly has a host of issues) was NOT punished for crawling under tables and punching feet per the child’s mother. Living in a very liberal state, this child is afforded special rights and privileges because the school administration knows the parents will make any discipline issue related to the gender identity somehow.
The whole concept of gender fluidity is not something I honestly believe in. By that, I mean those individuals who feel the need to have it both ways. Today female, next week male. Either you are what you are born with or you want to become transgender and are beginning the long, painful process of changing. I support transgender people and as I said, as a biologist I honestly believe there is something genetic going on. My wife is a teacher and had a gender fluid boy in her class who changed his mind twice during the school year. He actually began using hormones (why are we allowing children - and their doctors - to do this before their brains and bodies have fully matured?). The administration bent over backwards for this child and put the staff on notice about the correct pronoun use “for the week.” Teachers were told they would be “reminded” by administration if mistakes were repeatedly made.
I’ve learned a lot from all of these comments. I have no problem using whatever pronoun they choose and ask me to use. I do have a problem with giving punishments for mistakes over a complex issue like this when there is no ill intent. I just don’t want to be ostracized if I make an error or refuse to change pronoun use repeatedly for the same person depending on how they feel a particular day.
Does no one here who is having pronoun issues have any friends who decided to change their names? Did you have difficulty with that?
When I was a kid, I used a different form of my name. Think Annie instead of Anne. Now, I solely go by Anne. So you know what everyone calls me? Anne. Sure, some people who knew me as a kid slip up sometimes but most people make a good faith effort. And then with some time, no one calls me Annie.
The hang-ups around pronouns have nothing to do with one’s ability to remember. We remember nicknames and all sorts of other things just fine.
Rom, Rom, Rom. We’re old. Of course we have! We’ve had lots of female friends marry and take their husbands’ name. We’ve seen our friends’ babies grow up to adults and drop their childish nicknames. We’ve had female friends divorce and resume their birth names. And yeah. We get it wrong sometimes.
Do I have trouble with people changing their names? Yeah, if I only see or hear about them once a year, or I knew them for a long time under the old name. My nephew was called by a nickname (think Billy) when he was young, and now is called by a different nickname (think Bill). He lives across country. I sometimes slip and call him Billy, because I thought of him as Billy for two decades.
A friend recently told me that they spent 10 minutes of an intro at USC introducing students based on pronouns. Said it was a total waste of time when parents had a lot of questions and limited time.
Call me based on what I look like, if it’s different ask someone to use the pronoun you prefer. If someone is fluid then you should not be expected to know what they are thinking that day. Fifth grader in my kids school is gender fluid. Dresses differently day by day. Why should everyone know what the kid is thinking that day. Most kids just avoid this child. That is not good for the child. It would be better for the kid to realize that it can be confusing and for the child to say please call me She or he or whatever they would like to be called that day.