<p>This is quite incredible. The girl got suspended from school for bullying, and her mom made an example of her.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18729564/[/url]”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18729564/</a></p>
<p>The usual story would have the parents sueing the school. Takes a lot of guts for this parent to spread the anti-bullying message using her own child !!!</p>
<p>I don’t agree with the parent’s very public humiliation of her child. I remember all too well that, in my days, kids who misbehaved or did poorly on tests were made to wear dunce caps for a day. Afterward, they were subjected to merciless taunting by other students.</p>
<p>I agree with marite. From whom do you suppose the girl learned how to be a bully?</p>
<p>I think that humiliating a child is an ineffective method of changing behavior. I was always pretty firm with my kids, but really tried not to ever chastise them in public. There are many ways to discipline kids, but the best ways teach the kids something, as opposed to creating anger and resentment. Maybe this mom could have insisted that the daughter volunteer at a shelter for abused kids or something. Even something as simple as manual labor around the house works.</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree. Her punishment was suspension. I think publicly humiliating her was detrimental. If her mom wanted to add to the school suspension consequence, she could have had her volunteer to speak at school assemblies about bullying, or something like that which would make a difference.</p>
<p>Her mom could have made her write (private) letters of apology to those she bullied and then made sure her suspension was not a fun time at home by not allowing her to watch tv, use computer, go outside, etc. and making her do unpleasant, time-consuming chores that she dislikes. That way, she would have made the punishment more severe without publicly humiliated her daughter.</p>
<p>I like the writing letters of apology idea. And of course, the suspension shouldn’t be treated like a holiday. There are ways her mom could have followed through with the school consequence by giving consequences of her own such as these. Parading her D in front of everyone as someone who did something bad…isn’t an appropriate consequence and in fact, might affect her D in a bad way. SHE might be on the receiving end of bullying and be made fun of, etc. The way she held her head in the photo was of such embarassment that I felt sorry for her in an odd way even though she had done something wrong. What I think she needed to do was to make amends to those whom she bullied and/or speak out in a discussion group or panel or assembly against bullying behavior.</p>
<p>Maybe the mom is looking for attenion? Could this girl be in an abusive situation in her home?</p>
<p>It is harsh indeed.</p>
<p>It kinda reminds me of public flogging in ancient times in the town square. Yes, her D needed to learn a lesson and to suffer consequences. The suspension was already a consequence. A natural consequence could have been to apologize to all she had hurt. Now, I feel her mom is hurting the D in a way that won’t really teach a lesson. I think it is overkill and the public humiliation is harmful. I don’t think she deserved all this. I don’t know exactly what she did but she is already serving her “time”. I think she is now going to be on the receiving end of bullying!</p>
<p>I do think the right approach is somewhere in between. I agree that this public humiliation is over the top. But bullying is a very public offense, and a private punishment just doesn’t fit the crime. I think a public apology to the people offended is what I would have preferred.</p>
<p>However, the most amazing quote I found in the article was the school administrator who said:</p>
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<p>I have never heard a school official say anything like this!</p>
<p>There’s a lot we don’t know about this situation. How do we know that the mother hasn’t tried all of these “appropriate punishments” before? That she was finally at the end of her rope with a rebellious kid? That in addition to the public punishment the child was not required to write letters of apology? These punishments wouldn’t have made it into the paper.</p>
<p>I thank my lucky stars that I have a child who responds to what I consider appropriate punishments and I’ve never had to go beyond them. But I know there are kids who don’t respond to them. At least this mother has done something; as noted in the original post, many parents would not.</p>
<p>A few years ago, when my son was not behaving well in jr high, I <em>attended an entire day of classes</em> with him. It was publicly humiliating, and effective.</p>
<p>
I agree with this. We don’t know the back story on this girl. While not as humiliating as the street corner, I had to sit with gum on my nose for an entire day in 2nd grade. Never chewed gum in school again! Sometimes punishments, like SBmom’s, are very effective if a bit extreme. You get the message across lound & clear, with no wiggle room.</p>
<p>However, a dunce cap for poor performance is humiliating & cruel. It reminds me of parents hanging kids’ sheets out the window if they wet the bed. But bullying was a deliberate action taken by the girl, not an academic weakness or physiological problem she struggles with. The mom in question might have nipped a problem in the bud with her unique punishment.</p>
<p>I dunno. If the mom was at the end of her rope with a totally recalcitrant daughter, why would the daughter submit to this punishment, apparently with no opposition. In the picture, she looks cowed.</p>
<p>I think that there are instances where you don’t have to know the backstory, because the means is not justifiable. And I do not believe that publicly (or privately, for that matter) humiliating a child is ever justifiable.</p>
<p>I just finished reading the article in the LA Times. My initial reaction was much like the majority here. However, being the parent of a S who was repeatedly bullied in school, often by the same kids, who had been punished, suspended, etc, I am on the fence. </p>
<p>If you read the article, the girl was a middle-schooler involved in racial bullying and part of a group-think type episode. Not a one time, isolated incident. Also, if you read the story, the girl is expressing appropriate, thoughtful reconsideration of her behavior. She was, as would be expected, embarrassed, but remorseful. Her mother was asked why wasn’t she too embarrassed by her D’s bullying behavior and mom responded that it was her D’s behavior, not her own and not a reflection on her parenting. This parent understands that bullying is done to humiliate another in order to enhance one’s own power and self-image. Writing letters of apology, suspensions, etc. do not stop bullys. Bully’s self image is enhanced when they are suspended (it can be a badge of honor!) Bullys wouldn’t be sincere if forced to apologize. Bullys need to know what it feels like to be humiliated and that they are not made better by demeaning another. My experience with parents of bullies, is that they make superficial gestures of regret over their S/D’s behavior, but ultimately say “my kid is really a good kid and this is not typical.” (or something like that…) Trouble is, the parents just make excuses for the kid. </p>
<p>While I don’t know if I would resort to such public punishment of my child, I will say that in this case, it seems to have worked. I congratulate the parent for not making excuses for her D and for recognizing the bullying is usually a repetative, chronic behavior, not an isolated event. We are quick to judge and do not know the student or parent. The school officials report that this parent is very involved and supportive or the school and the student. Perhaps our collective disdain at her choice of punishment should be tempered with a “walk in her shoes” attitude first rather than jumping to the conclusion that the parent is abusive.</p>
<p>I do not think that humiliation should ever be punishment, particularly inflicted on a twelve year old by her mother. I don’t care whether or not it’s effective: the action itself is wrong.</p>
<p>A lot of students I know tell me they were whipped, by belts, switches, etc, while growing up. They will also tell me they’re better behaved because of it, and would do the same, if they felt it necessary. To me, it’s always wrong.</p>
<p>I think, for me, I’d lump humiliation with corporal punishment. I don’t think I have to know why someone gets beat with a belt to disapprove, and I feel the same thing about this. </p>
<p>Parents who ignore their kids bad behavior are an issue, but on the other hand, I believe that there are effective methods of teaching behavior which do not rely on bruises of either psyche or backside.</p>
<p>“I congratulate the parent for not making excuses for her D”</p>
<p>That’s the main thing I take away. I don’t know much about the circumstances here, but where someone’s behavior is truly shameful, I think public shaming can play a role. Nothing is a more powerful deterrent than the disapproval of one’s peers, especially for middle schoolers, and sometimes conventional punishments just increase the perpetrator’s social standing.</p>
<p>I have taken one of my kids by the hand and marched him to a neighbor’s house to apologize for something. That was embarrassing enough for him, but it really wasn’t public. I am still uncomfortable with the idea of making this girl hold the sign, although I’m happy to see a parent who doesn’t make excuses for her child.</p>
<p>I think that’s fine, SJMom. There is a difference between someone who feels embarrassed by a punishment and someone whose punishment is to be humiliated, if that makes sense. The girl could, as someone mentioned earlier, write a personal letter or have a private talk with each of the kids she bullied.</p>