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</p>
<p>Ever misused a prescription? ANY prescription?</p>
<p>There is such a thing as love, empathy, understanding, communication, dialog, AND consequences. It seems very hard for many parents to follow through on consequences now-a-days; as it is also hard for many parents to “draw a line.” Btw, it’s the right of every parent to draw that line at whatever point they choose.</p>
<p>Edit: Draw the line at whatever point they choose regarding their child’s actions and behaviors while at college.</p>
<p>“Or they simply tell you everything is fine and you’ll never know and as long as you never know, it never happened.”</p>
<p>What’s your alternative? You posit that if the kid knows that there is no consequence to revealing drug use to mom and dad, and he can talk to you about anything, then he’ll tell you in a casual chat that he tried some coke. You then tell him how dangerous coke is and all your firsthand knowledge about people who died using coke. Right?</p>
<p>First, I question your assumption that as long as you have open communication with your kid, and he doesn’t fear your anger, he’s just going to tell you everything. I was explicitly allowed to have sex when I went to college – I actually asked my parents what their expectations were, and they said they expected me to protect myself – but believe me, I wasn’t sharing my first time with Mom. We talked every day, and she knew everything else about me and my boyfriend, but not that.</p>
<p>Second, in the unlikely event that your kid DOES tell you this, do you think you’ll be telling him anything he doesn’t already know? If he’s in college and already tried coke, then surely he already knows that some people get addicted to coke and some people have heart attacks from coke, and he has already decided that that isn’t going to happen to him. How does your story about The Kid Who Died change this picture?</p>
<p>“It is woven into the fabric of the college culture, even prestigious colleges.”</p>
<p>Pot and alcohol, yes, at some colleges. Frankly, I’m not that scared of pot, and I wouldn’t be scared of it at all if it were decriminalized. If there’s a college out there where cocaine, meth or heroin is truly “woven into the college culture” (as opposed to a small subculture students can choose not to be part of), then I’m REALLY not paying for my kid to go there, even if he is personally not using. I’m not at all sure they exist, anyway. What are these “situations I have no concept of” that my kid might face?</p>
<p>“Ever misused a prescription? ANY prescription?”</p>
<p>If there’s a thread in the future about borrowing someone else’s Ambien on an international flight, I’ll be sure to discuss this with you.</p>
<p>“Btw, it’s the right of every parent to draw that line at whatever point they choose.”</p>
<p>So, child abuse is fine?</p>
<p>No one said to not have ANY consequences. Read my earlier posts. I believe I used the words ‘come down hard.’ But make the consequences fit the offense. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Snorting a line of coke in a momentary lapse of reason is not the same as habitually doing stupid stuff. </p>
<p>We are trying to make the point that you will be more likely to help your kid if s/he knows s/he can come to you if s/he gets into trouble.</p>
<p>And, just because you didn’t tell your mom when you lost your virginity doesn’t mean your kids might not tell you, if you keep that door open.</p>
<p>So my kid will ring-a-ling me the day after he does his first line of coke: huh? Or he does it after he’s done enough coke that he gets into trouble: huh? How many kids tell their parents they’re doing coke at college? I assumed the OP meant the parent would find out in a way OTHER than the kid telling his parent, or when the situation worsened to the point where he/she could no longer hide it. In that case: loving consequences.</p>
<p>"If being honest about drug/alcohol use means voluntarily inserting into a conversation information that one has used drugs, that’s not a good idea.</p>
<p>Your kid may conclude that if drugs were good enough for you, and you survived, then it also would be a good idea for your kid to use drugs. Even if you mention having had drug-caused major problems, your kid may conclude that they won’t have those problems because they’re smarter about drugs than you were."</p>
<p>I totally disagree, the way you’re suggesting is just going to end up getting caught in a lie. I told mine I was stupid and later lucky when I did these things, I laid out exactly how things would go down [which for over 25 years apparently hasn’t changed] the answer I gave at the time and just told them because I did something stupid, should they? For the most part, they got it. "</p>
<p>I didn’t say to lie. I said don’t volunteer the information about your drug use. IMO and the opinion of some people who research ways to prevent substance abuse, too many parents think that the way to warn kids about substance abuse is to bring up their own history of drug abuse. One can talk to kids about drugs without bringing up your own history. </p>
<p>If you are asked about it and choose to answer the question (You do have a choice here), it’s important to not make it sound like the high or drunken times were the rosiest memories of your teen years. Apparently, the subtext in lots of such tales that parents tell their kids is that those were some fun, wild and crazy times. Of course, that encourages kids to follow in their parents’ footsteps.</p>
<p>One doesn’t have to have had a STD or an unplanned pregnancy to warn one’s kids about loose sexual behavior. Indeed, probably most parents don’t share that much about their own sexual histories when trying to teach their kids the values the parents want their kids to follow. The same kind of discussion can be done for things like drug use and alcohol abuse.</p>
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<p>Misusing prescription drugs is just as illegal as using many illegalized drugs. One and the same, in the mind of the federal government.</p>
<p>Re non prescription medication</p>
<p>While my D school does allow parents to sign a form allowing kids to have non prescription medication ( like Midol) and to have their prescription medication on field trips, I remember when two girls were suspended from school ( from a different school) for that very thing, giving another girl some over the counter medication.
Considering that nurses are not in all buildings, and considering that oftentimes they cant dispense medication either unless authorized by a parent, to me this seems like following the letter but not the spirit of the law.
and ridiculous.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to sidetrack the thread- but common sense seems to be a scarce commodity at times.</p>
<p>“Misusing prescription drugs is just as illegal as using many illegalized drugs.”</p>
<p>How is this relevant to the thread? We’re discussing cocaine. I grouped it with what I consider to be other “f***-up-your-life” drugs, and specifically said that I did not consider pot and underage alcohol use to be in that category. So it’s already clear that I’m taking a harm-reduction approach to this question, not grouping all the illegal drugs into one category and legal ones into another.</p>
<p>“One and the same, in the mind of the federal government.”</p>
<p>If that were true, surely there would be at least one example of someone going to jail for a long time for possessing one dose of unprescribed Ambien, since there are hundreds of thousands of examples of people going to jail for very long periods for possessing one dose of cocaine. But it simply doesn’t happen. (In your view, are littering and murder “one and the same” in the eyes of the federal government, since there are federal laws forbidding both?)And since, as I said before, I’m taking a harm-reduction approach, likelihood of arrest and prosecution is important to the analysis and so is the potential sentence if convicted. The odds of going to jail for a long time over the one Ambien pill are apparently zero, so it isn’t going to f*** up your life, it’s in the same harm-reduction category as a beer, and it isn’t relevant to the conversation. </p>
<p>“We are trying to make the point that you will be more likely to help your kid if s/he knows s/he can come to you if s/he gets into trouble.”</p>
<p>And I was trying to respond with the point that your techniques are unlikely to bring about the result you desire. I don’t believe they’re ever going to tell you they did coke one time (unless they think you’ll be pleased and share yours); and I don’t think your stern talking-to will prevent them from doing it a second time when they have already disregarded many safety warnings the first time. What consequences do you think are appropriate?</p>
<p>Yes, but how about taking a medication not prescribed to you?</p>
<p>Common sense is great, but when the argument I’m seeing usually hinges on the illegality of the act, I think it’s important that people realize how thin the line is with drugs (both legal and illegal.)</p>
<p>?SOME colleges!?? I would venture to say that alcohol and pot are quite prevalent at nearly all colleges, with the possible exception of BYU. (Or so I?ve heard. Even then, I would be surprised it it?s not there too.) I agree that the harder stuff is probably more confined to a subculture and therefore easier to avoid. The question seems to be which category snorting a line of cocaine fits into: the alcohol/pot category or the meth/crack/heroin category? Speaking here only of snorting the cocaine as it existed back in the 70s, which, admittedly, may be inaccurate, I contend that it?s more common than you think.</p>
<p>The newer, hybridized designer forms of coke and speed, the new generation of amphetamines, are in a different league because they can get the kid addicted on the first use. And, the addiction is severe. How prevalent they are on college campuses I have no idea. Does anyone have any statistics on this? It would be good to know.</p>
<p>If anything, drugs have gotten more dangerous than they were in the 60s-70s. How does the kid even know what it is he is using? There really is no way to know for sure. Not to minimize pot, but a good place to draw the line, imo, is when they venture into chemicals. Who knows what that pill or white powder really is? Who knows what the effects will be? It?s easy to smell a little weed and make a pretty good guess what it is. Not so with chemicals. So, my point that snorting ?normal? cocaine is not as bad as smoking crack cocaine is really a moot point, because there is no way the kid can really know what it is. Any chemical should be completely avoided. </p>
<p>Now, getting back to NSM’s excellent post, what sort of message are we sending our kids when we pop prescription or over-the-counter drugs for every little ache?</p>
<p>“it’s important to not make it sound like the high or drunken times were the rosiest memories of your teen years.”</p>
<p>Obviously. The parent can decide which aspects to emphasize. Of course painting a rosy picture is ridiculously foolish. You want to paint a nasty, ugly picture that leaves an indeliable stamp on the kid’s mind. You want to make a deep, lasting impression.</p>
<p>"(unless they think you’ll be pleased and share yours); "</p>
<p>I am going to hope that you did not intend this to be the highly offensive implication it came across as.</p>
<p>I guess then Don’t ask Don’t tell should certainly be the policy between older adults and younger adults. Yup, the diamanic has changed, they are old enough for the draft. Control via stern this or that might work for a while yet or as I said push things underground. </p>
<p>I can tell them all I want and demand all I want and they can nod thier head and say “yes daddy” all through the whole thing, then go back and get hi hi hi with the people who “understand” them. </p>
<p>there is no absolute way to deal with this. As far as using those discussions to cover the “rosiest” times high, drunk or whatever…c’mon. If I am talking about the concerns of this kind of stuff, am I going to mention the rosey times or the times I puked on my shoes? C’mon I have a goal just the same as you which is to make sure my kids are safe. </p>
<p>One thing to keep in mind is isn’t always about the guys who “died”, it’s more effective about the guys who lived, with messed up lives. Kids don’t see death, they do see bad teeth much easier. The “meth smile” is pretty effective deterant compared to take it and you’ll die. </p>
<p>"How many kids tell their parents they’re doing coke at college? "</p>
<p>D: “Dad, I’ve got a pepsi habit.” </p>
<p>ME:…“is it diet hon?”</p>
<p>D: “No dad, it’s the 12 teaspoon in 12 ounces kind.”</p>
<p>ME: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”</p>
<p>Anyway let’s hope your kids can talk with you and you’ll listen and do what you think is the right thing and let’s hope it turns out that way.</p>
<p>"there is no absolute way to deal with this. As far as using those discussions to cover the “rosiest” times high, drunk or whatever…c’mon. If I am talking about the concerns of this kind of stuff, am I going to mention the rosey times or the times I puked on my shoes? C’mon I have a goal just the same as you which is to make sure my kids are safe. "</p>
<p>Well said!</p>
<hr>
<p>In answer to the question ‘what should the consequences be’ I agree with the above post that there is no set single answer to that. It would depend on the situation and the kid and the type of relationship the kid has with his parents, what’s going on in the kid’s life, etc. I for one would not be so presumptuous as to prescribe a set remedy for someone else’s kid. Hence, my previous suggestion about offering ideas to consider.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe they’re ever going to tell you they did coke one time (unless they think you’ll be pleased and share yours);”</p>
<p>Man, that was kinda a low blow for a difference of opinion on methods isn’t it?</p>
<p>My coke’s diet anyway.</p>
<p>Gee, I’m glad to see you don’t lump booze and pot into the f up yer life category either. Funny, I do. So am I really liberal or really conservative? </p>
<p>I’ll enjoy a diet coke and ponder.</p>
<p>Besides I haven’t put an illegal drug in my body for around 28 years. Never bought any either. So if I had a stash, it might be pretty old.</p>
<p>So I guess in answer to the OP’s question:
Some parents would talk and some parents would take action.</p>
<p>And some parents would do BOTH. But with more understanding.</p>
<hr>
<p>Of course there is no guarantee that the kid will tell the parents about his drug use, but the kid is much more likely to tell the parents if the parents have been honest about their own past mistakes. </p>
<hr>
<p>Yeah, meth teeth are a powerful deterrent. Appeal to the kid?s vanity. Just as you showed them pictures of cancer-ridden lungs, show them meth teeth. Be sure to tell them how quickly it happens, too.</p>
<p>“So if I had a stash, it might be pretty old.”</p>
<p>Ha! Same here! About 25 years in my case.</p>