Question about Drugs

Parent Cafe
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<p>While drunks are admittedly more entertaining, I would love to see heavy-drinking teenagers switch to pot brownies at parties</p>

<p>Personally I don’t think drunks are entertaining- but at least pot smokers just fall asleep and don’t trap you in a corner listening to their stories.</p>

<p>I don’t think it has to be an either or proposition though.
While I do hear stories ( on CC) about over the top drinking parties, which I would never condone, and would be wary of my kids attending a school where that was a regular part of the social scene, I would remind students that at any school there are students who choose to remain more in control of their actions and the risks they take are more calculated rather than unpredictable.
There are many ways to get “high”- and using something that may permanently alter your brain chemistry, is only one choice.</p>

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<p>"I realized I inserted “sorely” after it was too late to delete it! Sorry, you said “tempted.” Don’t know why I thought “sorely.” Do you think kids would be more apt to call Mom about it if they were tempted as opposed to sorely tempted? I don’t think they’d consult Mom however much tempted on this issue, imo. (Unless, perhaps, they thought Mom might give the green light on trying it once or twice to see what all the fuss was about.)
"</p>

<p>???</p>

<p>I NEVER said <strong><em>I</em></strong> was tempted!!! How could you possibly get THAT from what I said?</p>

<p>(in your latest post you said ‘if the kid was tempted’ but in your previous post you implied that the mom would be tempted.)</p>

<p>I said I would understand what it’s like, IF my SON ever got tempted!!!</p>

<p>(Do you see the difference?)</p>

<p><strong><em>I</em></strong> have not been tempted in 25 years. I quit and never looked back, and my son knows that.</p>

<p>As for whether MY kid would consult with me, how could YOU possibly presume to know the answer to that? Just because YOUR kids might not consult with YOU, does not mean that MY kid wouldn’t consult with ME.</p>

<p>And again, how dare you once AGAIN imply that I am in FAVOR of my kid tryig pot???</p>

<p>I have made it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that I would NEVER give the green light to trying pot or any other drug.</p>

<p>Being understanding when your kids make stupid mistakes is NOT the same thing as ‘giving the green light’ to those mistakes!</p>

<p>WHY do you INSIST on twisting my words to try to make me look like some sort of druggie?</p>

<p>WHY are you so adversarial? Seriously, you should get some counseling.</p>

<p>Edit: OK, I just went back and reread your original post, and it could have been interpreted either way. Evidently I interpreted it wrong in thinking you were implying that the mom would be tempted. My mistake.</p>

<p>See, it isn’t so hard to admit a mistake. You should try it sometime. (I am still waiting for an apology from you & emerald about your offensive implications.)</p>

<p>I still stand by everything else I said, though. Rather than trying to work together as adults on a very difficult issue, and being willing to open your mind to other possibilities that might actually work for some people, you have resorted to a ‘holier than thou’ and judgmental game. I bet the teens reading this thread are highly amused.</p>

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<p>Some people on this thread seem to be taking a lot of statements personally when there is no personal offense intended.</p>

<p>And the holier than thou thing is getting old.</p>

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<p>When you put MY comments in quotes and then use the word ‘YOU’ it’s hard not to think that it was directed at me.</p>

<p>And, may I remind you that YOU brought up MY son and used MY name at the beginning of this thread. YOU made it personal.</p>

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<p>leal: Chill, okay? I never accused you or your son of being a druggie. I also never implied it. It’s obvious you love your son and I bet he’s a great kid. He sounds like a seriously interesting kid to me. I believe we were discussing alternative ways to keep our kids off drugs. I believe other parents can express their opinions, as you can, no? Each kid and parent is different, of course; there is no one right answer. It’s a struggle everyday in today’s culture for parents. We all want the same thing, of course.</p>

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<p>“It is a myth that pot does not impair driving. While it may not impair driving quite AS MUCH as heavy drinking, it DOES impair driving nonetheless.”</p>

<p>Oh, sure. But driving isn’t the only way that alcohol kills people. Kids also die from OD’ing, which is almost impossible to do with pot. Alcohol facilitates a lot of murders and suicides, too (not to mention non-fatal but serious assaults, beatings, arson, and rapes). Pot and alcohol are equally incompatible with driving, but pot just doesn’t spark violence the way alcohol does. Stoned kids who aren’t drinking very rarely attack one another.</p>

<p>“at any school there are students who choose to remain more in control of their actions”</p>

<p>This is true at the colleges I know best. But it wasn’t true at my high school. There were stupid, irresponsible drinking parties, and there were non-drinkers who didn’t go to parties at all. All my friends – frankly, most of the smart kids – were drinkers. It was miserable trying to be a non-drinker at those parties, because there was nothing else to do and lots of ugly crap going on. I’d usually last an hour or two and then try to leave before the puking started. It was such a pleasure to go to college and find parties where the majority of guests had a few and kept it under control, and it was totally fine not to drink at all.</p>

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<p>“Do you think kids would be more apt to call Mom about it if they were tempted as opposed to sorely tempted? I don’t think they’d consult Mom however much tempted on this issue, imo. (Unless, perhaps, they thought Mom might give the green light on trying it once or twice to see what all the fuss was about”</p>

<p>I guess it’s going to depend on your relationship with your children isn’t it? </p>

<p>We’re at a transition phase in life where they don’t “have” to do what I say “cause I said so”, they now have the option of doing their own thing. Legally they are adults, yet still alot less worldly than I was at their age. The communication dynamic has evolved to more cross communications from downward. Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way. </p>

<p>With mine, we talk because I laid out to a “t” how the drug thing would go down. It hasn’t changed in 35 years. Basically at a party when you say “no thanks” or “I never tried it” SOMEBODY is going to continue to make the offer over and over. It becomes a priority to them, join the club. By doing the walk through ahead of time and how to deal with the offer, they have. </p>

<p>I have received the calls and in the small talk, “dad, it was exactly like you said.”, Yup some things never change. So I guess they do sometimes, maybe not always, but I’ve been around the block and know the way.</p>

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<p>Opie, I’ve tended to agree with you on this one. But would you mind walking us through that “to a t” discussion? I thought one of the most realistic responses I heard someone offer their kid, faced with being offered something at a party, was “thanks, but last time I did that I got totally wasted…” thereby getting out of it but saving face. But that seems a little disingenuous to me. And I think too many kids have been told to use the “I’m allergic” line that kids are starting to be wary of all these allergies!</p>

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<p>“I’ve been around the block and know the way.”</p>

<p>Exactly. Why not help the kid navigate a rough terrain, especially when we’ve been thru it?</p>

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<p>ivoryk,</p>

<p>Yea, it’s along those lines. Stuff like</p>

<p>No thanks, I’ve got my own buzz going right now.</p>

<p>No thanks, last time I puked all night.</p>

<p>No thanks, it killed my uncle.</p>

<p>No thanks, my dad’s a cop and he checks me when I get home. </p>

<p>No thanks, it’s not my thing. </p>

<p>No thanks, I’m not in the mood. </p>

<p>No man. </p>

<p>[ and the best “no thanks, cause my dad will look like an ass on the college forum he posts on.” :slight_smile: ] </p>

<p>Tell your kids never to worry about saving face in these situations, because whom are they saving face for? Peer pressure only works if you let it.</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>Obviously. The question was how to handle it AFTER they “do their own thing” and it is something we are not pleased about (using cocaine, for example).</p>

<p>I’m not standing over my kid with a baseball bat while he is four hours away at college. Nor have I overtly threatened him with punishment if he ever used drugs (I used the Colin Powell story), or punishment from JESUS. And it’s condescending to keep repeating that anyone who hasn’t “been around the block and knows the way” (i.e. used drugs) can’t exercise good judgment as to how to deter their kids from drugs, as it is to presume that I, for example, haven’t had conversations with my kids about drugs. (Their Dad went to a different college and has had many more stories than I to tell them about acquaintances and roommates of his who had <em>disastrous</em> experiences with drugs.) </p>

<p>Let’s keep in mind the discussion was about what to do AFTER you learned your kid used drugs.</p>

<p>P.S. My husband and I made the decision long ago NOT to share regrettable experiences involving substances or sex with our kids, in the belief that doing so is counterproductive (the theory Northstarmom put forth).</p>

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<p>HH,</p>

<p>I bow in your general direction. Certainly, yours is the only way. </p>

<p>as for the after part, several have expressed different methods than you would use and you have more or less dismissed them as wrong. So I give up. Your’s is the one true light that shines down upon me. </p>

<p>If my child comes to me and tells me of drug use, I will follow your lead and drop the hammer on them. Then I will watch them leave back to the people who accept them for who they are and never have a relationship again. </p>

<p>You see you are missing the aspect of the “doing their own thing” still. Phoof, they’re gone. You don’t or won’t have the relationship much longer that you seem to think you’ll maintain. Do you still do everything your mama tells you? How bout when your mama lays down the law? </p>

<p>I actually thought it was about how you communicate with your children after they’ve done something you don’t approve of in adulthood. We differ.</p>

<p>Maybe because our kids differ, maybe because we differ. </p>

<p>I moved out at 18, got a job, got my own place and put myself through college. While I might have listened to a reasonable arguement back then about my lifestyle, I certainly would have laughed off any ultimatiums that were laid at my feet. After a certain age, control only occurs if it is allowed. </p>

<p>If the other side (your kid) realizes that, what ya got left? threats, demands or an ear?</p>

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<p>I have bent over backwards to be respectful here: you have not.</p>

<p>Cry me a river about your childhood. My husband put himself through college (his father dirt poor) by working in high school and college every step of the way. He wasn’t a druggie in college (no offense toward you, sir, of course). Currently a highly-paid, world-traveled, chemical engineer.</p>

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<p>P.S. Interestingly, not ONE of the students my husband entered college with graduated with an engineering degree. This IS one of the stories he tells our sons.</p>

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<p>“I have bent over backwards to be respectful here: you have not.”</p>

<p>Oh no you haven’t. Why do you even pretend? </p>

<p>While I know I can be a horse’s backside from time to time, but at least I realize it. How about you? :)</p>

<p>I wasn’t a druggie in college anyway, so no harm or offense taken. I don’t think you’ll ever quite get it, that’s why it’s so fun sometimes to interact with you.</p>

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<p>Your Jesus comment was ridiculous and utterly offensive (as your Jesus comments always are) for example.
And your poor childhood comments were irrelevant.
Okay, you were a druggie in your twenties. Excuse me for getting your personal timeline wrong.
Oops: sorry, is “druggie” a JUDGMENTAL term?
I was offering a different opinion from you and lealdragon. A DIFFERENT OPINION, something few here are willing to tolerate (check out the dirty dozen thread) for a real variance of opinion as is typical here on CC (NOT).</p>

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<p>Edit to above: NOT ONE of the engineering student acquaintances my husband entered college with WHO USED DRUGS graduated with an engineering degree. Many switched to education majors, for example.</p>

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<p>“Your Jesus comment was ridiculous and utterly offensive (as your Jesus comments always are) for example.” </p>

<p>Don’t blame me, the comment is a quote from a woody allen movie. And it is funny, have some sense of humor. God does. Look what she made. </p>

<p>“And your poor childhood comments were irrelevant”
Wow, I never knew I was poor, in my coat of many colors that my mama made for me. </p>

<p>“Okay, you were a druggie in your twenties. Excuse me for getting your personal timeline wrong”</p>

<p>I was never a druggie, so I still don’t get your attempt here to be so “mean”. I enjoyed milk too growing up… was I a milky? Occasionally I ate meat… was I a meaty? Oh, I forgot I ate a carrot once, does that make me a veggie? </p>

<p>“Oops: sorry, is “druggie” a JUDGMENTAL term?”</p>

<p>Ow! that’s going to leave a mark. </p>

<p>“I was offering a different opinion from you and lealdragon. A DIFFERENT OPINION, something few here are willing to tolerate” </p>

<p>Do you include yourself among the less tolerant? :slight_smile: Hmmmm?</p>

<p>Or do have have a free pass to write offensive personal remarks? I often think you get so worked up because you can’t explain your position when questioned so you start this personal comments war and having to explain your position becomes lost amongst the barbs. It’s easier that way for you isn’t it? otherwise you might be forced to learn something different than your own beliefs. Gaining knowledge means replacing your beliefs with new ideas. What did you learn today?</p>

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<p>As usual in these discussions with you, Opie (the ones where you are entirely irrational), I end with my usual: Whatever! Believe what you want to believe. I’ve explained my position a dozen times here. Take it or leave it and I personally don’t care at all if you leave it. Just try to keep the Jesus stuff out of it next time, okay?</p>

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<p>wow! who knew what we were jumping into here? As my daughter would say, “Everyone take a chill pill.”</p>