<p>A girl Im very close friends with was raped about a month ago. For one of her science classes, she had an assignment due very early in the morning. She was pulling an all nighter in her dorm room and was afraid of falling asleep. The whole night she was in contact with an acquaintance in the same class (by phone). Around 2am she decided she would walk over to the building where she would need to turn in the paper (figuring if she fell asleep, she would be right next to the classroom). However, since it was very late at night she decided to call the guy she knew in class to escort her over to the building. They both went up to an empty classroom in the science building (right next door to the place where the project was due). They were working/chatting and then the guy stared at her and tried to kiss her. She brushed him away and he got angry. He then overpowered her and ripped off her jeans and raped her. She started crying and he eventually let her go.</p>
<p>My friend is very religious, a virgin, and was saving herself for marriage. She was very traumatized about the situation. She went to the womens center who gave her emergency contraception and to test her for STDs. Unfortunately, after the situation occurred she felt disgusting and took a long shower trying to clean everything off him. She never got a rape kit at the hospital and there is essentially no evidence except his word/her word. I pushed her to file a police report with the campus police and she did. However, they dont think they have enough evidence to prosecute the case (they basically made a file with his name and if another girl on campus gets raped by him they may do something).</p>
<p>I feel incredibly helpless in the whole situation. She has nightmares, she gets sick thinking about, and its deeply effecting her parents as well. She doesnt like talking about it and I always feel bad bringing it up. But I really believe she should get a restraining order. I want her to be safe and I think it would help her to get closure by knowing the guy cant come near her. It also drives me crazy this monster essentially got away with such a brutal crime.</p>
<p>How difficult is it to get a retraining order? Do you need a lawyer? Do you have to testify at a court? Is it expensive? Would it be worth it?</p>
<p>I think she would most benefit from going to your college’s counseling center and talking to a professional. Is that something that she would be willing to do? If she is struggling with spiritual concerns in particular, she may also want to talk to her pastor or priest, if she hasn’t already.</p>
<p>The school already set up an appointment for her to see a counselor. But she didn’t find it helpful. They basically said its not her fault and she shouldn’t blame herself.</p>
<p>Since the incident, she feels “broken”. I keep reassuring her she is the same person and her family and friends love her and are here to support her.</p>
<p>Definitely ask her to speak with her pastor/priest/father/etc. He’ll probably be able to offer her a lot of very comforting Bible verses that are appropriate for this situation.</p>
<p>I forget which verse it is, but there is a verse in one of the Psalms that says “The Lord leads me beside still waters…he restores my soul.”</p>
<p>Remind her that she is still a virgin, and she is still as pure as the day she was born. There is nothing different about her.</p>
<p>Also, realize that this is going to take a long time for her to deal with. I think you’re already doing beautifully, since you’re standing by her and being a good and understanding friend. Listen when she needs to, and try to keep things as normal as possible. <333 Give her an extra hug for me…this is an awful thing for any woman (or man, for that matter) to have to endure.</p>
<p>I think one appointment with one counselor is probably not enough. She may need to find someone else she can talk to. She may want to call a rape crisis hotline, they may be able to put her in touch with someone who had a similar experience. Sometimes that alone is very helpful, to talk to someone else who has been through it.</p>
<p>As far as a restraining order, I think that is for someone who is a continuing threat. If he is harrassing her, then a restraining order is appropriate. If she hasn’t seen him since this happened, I doubt she would get a restraining order, but if that’s something she wants to pursue, she can ask the local police department or campus police.</p>
<p>Thank you! I was just reading a book that had that verse in it this morning, but it didn’t quote the verse directly.</p>
<p>I agree…If the guy is avoiding her, I think the only reason to get a restraining order would be for the girl’s own peace of mind (which can work wonders on its own).</p>
<p>The campus police said they would be on “alert” if any other incident happens. They also asked if she wanted to do a rape/self defense course. This might be a good idea to help her get back a feeling of empowerment. Both my friend and the rapist will be seniors next year (campus size is around 6000). </p>
<p>The guy was completely missing during the final few classes (she didn’t even she him during the final). He also deleted his facebook account, etc. I’m not sure if hes a recurring threat but I really don’t want her to be hurt again. </p>
<p>I guess I feel like the world has no justice. She is completely distraught by the incident (same with her parents), and the guy gets to walk away like nothing happened. It doesn’t seem right.</p>
<p>I’ll encourage her to see a professional therapist (a different one) and to contact the hotlines.</p>
<p>It’s not right…but take solace in the fact that the guy will probably get caught eventually. The only ****ty part about that is that he may have to rape someone else in order to be caught. </p>
<p>The thing about rape is that the procedure in order to really catch the rapist is very counter-intuitive…do not shower or change your clothes. Of course, the first thing you’re going to want to do post-rape is shower and change clothes. It’s only natural.</p>
<p>Remind your friend over and over that she did NOTHING wrong…none of this is her fault. No woman ever asks to be sexually assaulted or raped, but unfortunately, often times women feel that they are to blame for one reason or another.</p>
<p>Most of her self-blame has been in the form of “what ifs” – what if I handed in the paper in the next morning instead, what if i bit him and ran away before it happened, etc.</p>
<p>I’ll keep reminding her its not her fault and listen to her when she needs someone to talk to. I just wish I could do more, I hate to see her like this.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that she tried to wash away the evidence - the police are really unable to do much with physical evidence- what was the reason that the hospital didn’t collect the evidence?
Did she call the city police?
this was on campus?
[Campus</a> Rape How to Report Rape](<a href=“http://www.campusrape.org/?cat=15]Campus”>http://www.campusrape.org/?cat=15)</p>
<p>She never went to the hospital. After it occurred, she wanted to pretend it never happened. Only after talking to me and her mom, she decided to go to the woman’s center on campus (they encouraged her to take emergency contraception and get tested for diseases). At the womans center on campus (two days after incident), she filled out an “anonymous” rape report of what happened. Two weeks later, when she had more courage she filled out a regular report with the campus police.</p>
<p>Is there a disciplinary committee at your college that can she can report this to? It may have a lower evidentiary threshold to punish the rapist than needed to prosecute this as crime in the court system. A disciplinary committee can’t provide criminal punishments, but it could put the rapist on probation/suspend or expel him/take away scholarship money/etc. Every school is different, but this avenue might mete out some punishment.</p>
<p>I was wondering the same thing. But since she reported to campus police, I’m sure if they wanted to so something they would have (there have been alot of recent rapes on campus, so maybe they want to keep the whole situation quiet?). I think he should be suspended/expelled from campus. After all, he is a potential danger to the whole community.</p>
<p>I’d doublecheck about the disciplinary committee. The school has to have a body that looks into cheating, harassment, etc. Just because the campus police didn’t automatically suggest it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If you have RAs or the like, they should know about it. If they don’t, you might place a call to the college’s dean to see if such a committee exists (no need to discuss the specifics of this case in the phone call). It sounds like your friend is not in a place to be proactive right now, so your doing a little research on her behalf (without giving out ANY details that would violate her privacy) would be a good thing. </p>
<p>It sounds like you are already being a really wonderful friend.</p>
<p>Look into campus security camera footage. They might have footage that might link her story to actual footage proving this happened at the times she said. Definitely have her look into that. Her story might gain much more credibility if you can prove that it happens where she said.</p>
<p>Couldn’t the police atleast ask where he was that night? If he tries lying, there are phone records. Isn’t is suspicious that he decided to attend that class anymore. Maybe he would even admit to the act. She has a flawless record (very religious, community service) and isn’t the type of girl who make something like this up.</p>
<h2>I’ll research the campus rules.</h2>
<p>The building where it happened you need to swipe your card to get in. Maybe they can check the times to confirm that they were there. I’m not sure if there is a video camera where it happened (classroom) but maybe theres some by the entrance.</p>
I was just reading a book that had that verse in it this morning, but it didn’t quote the verse directly.</p>
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