I’m linking you to a comment I wrote in another thread, and I’d also encourage you to read all the different comments in that thread as well:
The EF stuff can also mean that these kids often forecast for themselves with a lot of subconscious assumptions in mind: I like the teacher and they like me—they’re easy to contact and I get everything I need from them in just the way that I prefer to work; the class is interesting every minute of each session; the reading is all engaging and not long; the assignments are broken down into segments for me and there are daily deadlines so that keeps me on track; I have a whole semester to get the major project done which is 5x more time than it will actually take; I will be best friends with my roommate, I will be healthy and happy every day, I will eat well, I will get exercise 5x a week, I will self care in exactly the way I need.
So if everything goes according to that plan? They’ll be fine. Of course they’ve budgeted enough time for studying, they made a plan!
But then the dream of the new, perfect type of planner, or app, or new organization method isn’t the miracle they thought it would be. They get sick the third week of school and miss classes and fall behind. They actually don’t like one of their professors and in some of the classes they zone out because they’re tired, or it’s not super engaging all the time and they lost the thread for awhile. They work out for a few weeks but then one day they don’t feel like it, and then they stop going because inertia, and then that affects their mental health. The food isn’t as good as they thought it would be and they end up eating bagels and cream cheese for most meals and that affects them, too. Their roommate is ok, but not great, and sometimes stays up late, and the dorm is loud, and so they don’t sleep well and that has a snowball effect. They have a long term assignment that’s due in 6 weeks, and after 4 weeks they don’t have any ideas or they haven’t started and they’re too overwhelmed and embarrassed to go to the professor.
And Mom or Dad are not in person giving the nudges to wake up, or to see that they actually haven’t started that paper (but on the phone they are saying they did), and the subtle scaffolding and the guardrails that help them handle things and stay on track are back at home.
The EF and mental health aspects really need to be at a level where the student is steady, and is able to seek out and use the resources that are available, as in college the resources don’t seek you out. The RA doesn’t wake you up or make sure that you’re eating well. The disability support office isn’t there to call you up and walk you through your classes, they work with you for documented accommodations. The mental health counselors don’t roam campus looking for kids that look sad, you have to initiate contact and fill out paperwork and make appointments and keep them. And on and on. It’s a huge amount of independence and freedom and resources, but the students must be able to access and use those resources on their own. Unlike high school, Mom or Dad can’t call and talk to their advisor.
Helping her learn how to help herself and work in a way that works best with her brain is one of the biggest things I can recommend to you in her remaining time in high school. It’s a lot to make plans for, and I understand where you’re coming from as a parent, my student just finished his sophomore year in college and it’s been a journey 