<p>In another thread a couple of weeks ago I mentioned that my son is getting married in Seattle next summer. My question is for those of you who have been to weddings in the Seattle area or on the West Coast in general. If there is music at the reception, a band or DJ, does the whole dinner meal generally get served first, followed by a couple of hours or so of dancing? Or is dancing interspersed with different courses of the meal being served? What if the food is served buffet style? Can anyone enlighten me? :)</p>
<p>Also, can you give me a sense of how long the “typical” reception runs? Cocktail hour plus 3 hour reception? Cocktail hour plus four hour reception?</p>
<p>I am asking in order to try to anticipate the issues that will be arising shortly in the planning of this wedding, and trust me, there will be issues. We are from the other side of the country and our experience with these life cycle events is a one hour cocktail reception following the ceremony, followed by a 4 hour reception at which dinner is served, one course at a time, with dancing interspersed between courses. </p>
<p>I live in the Seattle area, and I have never attended a wedding with dancing in between courses of a dinner. Weddings with a dinner reception have always been the ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, cake cutting, dancing.</p>
<p>We always leave everything early as my H has a limited attention span for this type of event, so not sure on the length. </p>
<p>When you purchase you MOG dress, be sure to get a coordinating shawl, jacket, or sweater. It can be chilly here at night, especially if you are near water.</p>
<p>Momof 3 sons. Although my son isn’t getting married in Seattle…can we talk? One question that I do know the answer to: In GENERAL weddings here are about 5 hours including the ceremony/cocktail hour/dinner and dancing. If the couple is Persian weddings last MUCH longer. Whether on uses a DJ or a band depends on how much you want to pay.</p>
<p>Momof3sons, as a third-generation Seattleite, I have been reading your threads about the upcoming wedding in Seattle with great interest. I think you are quite correct in your sense that, speaking in gross generalities, things are a lot more casual out here. But perhaps the bride’s family is from elsewhere, too, and shares your traditions? I worry that there is an impending culture clash. I wish you well in your planning!</p>
<p>I might not be remembering your other thread correctly . I thought you had to figure out the rehearsal dinner ? Are you being given responsibility for the reception now too? I thought the bride’s family had that covered.</p>
<p>I went to a wedding in the Seattle area last summer, and there was a DJ that played after the meal for dancing. There was no real cocktail hour, we were let into the reception immediately following the ceremony and the B&G joined us maybe a half hour later… we spent that half hour sitting in our dinner seats and chatting, I think the bar was open but there was no food until dinner was served. Dinner was buffet style. </p>
<p>I don’t think I would enjoy dancing in between courses, but I am not from Seattle, either.</p>
<p>Seattle area or Seattle proper? Venues around here are expensive and vary widely. Magnolia Bluffs or Lake City? Bands are expensive. Even a dj runs about $750. The reception may be 3 hours instead of 4, but otherwise, everything should be about what you have come to expect. I hope my D elopes.</p>
<p>We’ll be at one in a couple of weeks, gated community on the Puget Sound. Should be a hoot.</p>
<p>KnearSeattle-the bride’s family is from Seattle. Trust me, they do not share our traditions. We knew that things were quite a bit more casual, which is perfectly fine with us. We have made it quite clear that we are not looking for an “extravaganza.” But, we do have some minimum requirements in hosting out-of-town guests, which will represent the vast majority of the wedding. By minimum requirements, I mean that if people are schlepping across the country, we will feed them at a rehearsal dinner the evening before and at a brunch the morning after the wedding. This is our family tradition, and we have offered to pick up the full tab for that.</p>
<p>sevmom, you are correct that we have to figure out the rehearsal dinner and cover that. But we are also covering a brunch on the morning following the wedding and as things are turning out, we are paying for 2/3 of the wedding. We were not expecting to do this, but now that we are, we believe that the groom should have a least a bit of a say in what is done. Believe me, it will just be a little bit. :D</p>
<p>bevhills-the couple are not Persian and I am familiar with those endless weddings. This will be a Jewish wedding, and from my attendance at many weddings and B’nai Mitzvot in the eastern part of the country, the general concept is cocktail hour followed by a four hour reception. Dinner, served course by course, with dancing in between so that everyone can catch their breath and also not have course after course without a break in between. Who knew that things would be handled so differently on the other side of the country? Now I understand why the bride’s family is thinking of a much shorter “event” than we were anticipating. I can now understand why people might leave quite early, just making it through dinner and the cake cutting, and basically skip the dancing. This is just a foreign concept to me, and would be for all of our out-of-town guests.</p>
<p>Magnetron-Seattle proper.</p>
<p>The art of compromise will be quite necessary here for everyone’s sake.</p>
<p>Well, my daughter’s wedding gathering (under a tent in our backyard, “please wear walking shoes”) started at 11:30 AM, ceremony around 12:15, food and beverage buffet/open bar/lots of wine and beer starting at 12:45, dancing and music and general partying until around 6. Very casual indeed. We had a champagne toast and cake cutting around 2:30.</p>
<p>I am a Southern Jew and will tell you that how things are done in the NE are generally “more” than other parts of the country, unless the hosts are from the NE. NE B’nai Mitzvahs and weddings are longer than most others we attend. Weddings often start later than we are accustomed to as well.</p>
<p>Does your son really have an opinion?</p>
<p>Many years ago, we went to a small town Jewish wedding. It was unlike any other wedding I had ever attended to date (I was young). The family celebrated in a manner that was the norm for that community. I have come to expect that as I travel to simchas and other events.</p>
<p>Compromise will be necessary for sure. Perhaps if the wedding is short, you can pick a hotel with a nice rooftop bar (depending on the season) or lounge and everyone can hang out.</p>
<p>lastminutemom196,
Yes, my son does have an opinion, and it matches his parents’ opinion ;), but he is trying to be very deferential to his bride to be, even though his parents are now paying for probably 80% of the wedding weekend. Seriously, he has accompanied us to many of the family life cycle events over the years, and didn’t realize that things were so different on the west coast. I’m not sure that at this point he even realizes the difference. I have the benefit of my “CC friends” information. He does not have access. :)</p>
<p>But his father and I will be sitting down and talking to him when we see him this weekend for the first time in a couple of months. He and my future DIL will be traveling out to Seattle at the beginning of August and we’ll see what they can accomplish with wedding planning in the 3 days they’ve allowed themselves. :o</p>
<p>We have a nephew who will marry next year. Both sets of parents are contributing X dollars each and that is it. The couple is planning the wedding.</p>
<p>This is really difficult territory you are on. Are you paying 80 percent because 80 percent of the guests will be yours?</p>
<p>Seattle is so casual that I would not be surprised that for any wedding that did not take place within a place of worship, that at least one person would be wearing flip flops.
Even if the reception was in Broadmoor.</p>
<p>If the wedding is in the Highlands ( north of Seattle) as opposed to Broadmoor, you want to carefully consider what else would be occuring in town that day- as traffic in Seattle can be a real bear and taxis aren’t always as available as you’d think.</p>
<p>Not Seattle, we’re in Portland, but it’s still the Pacific Northwest. We’ve been to many weddings the last few years and they’ve all followed a similar script:</p>
<p>Rehearsal dinner for bridal party & VIP out of town guests
Ceremony
Cocktails and Hors d’oeuvres while bridal party has photos taken
Dinner (either buffet or formal sit down)
Band or DJ & dancing
Toasts
Bouquet throwing
B & G leave
Hard core group parties into the night
Close friends and out of town guests meet for brunch the next day & nurse hangovers :)</p>
<p>lastminutemom-the couple is, hypothetically, planning the wedding here, too, but they don’t even know what they don’t know. The bride’s parents have pretty much abdicated all responsibility here. That’s my DH’s take on this. They gave their D “X” amount of dollars to plan the wedding for ~100 people. We understand that it is less expensive to do things in Seattle as opposed to on the east coast, but the amount of $ offered to plan the wedding for that amount of people constitutes “magical thinking,” in our humble opinion. We do expect to have many more guests than the bride’s family, so that is part of the reason for the “lopsidedness” of the finances. Additionally, the bride’s family was only thinking of a rehearsal dinner for the immediate families, so we have taken it upon ourselves to do what we think is right in the instance where the vast majority of our guests will be spending well over $1,000 per couple to join us, and I have cousins I believe will make this trip who have 5 in their family! We will extend the rehearsal dinner invite to all out-of-town guests from both families, as that is what we would do “back East.” Same goes for a brunch the next morning.</p>
<p>ek4-wedding will be in Seattle proper. Bride’s family lives in the Capitol Hill district, and I think they are looking to keep things not too far afield. The actual ceremony will take place in a synagogue, so I hope that people will not be too casually dressed. The bride and groom will have to figure out how to express their wishes in terms of guest attire.</p>
<p>If it is in Temple de Hirsch, on capitol hill, that is very centrally located and will be very easy for guests to go from a downtown hotel to the temple to perhaps the waterfront where you could find many places to host reception.
Im sure that people will be appropriately dressed for indoor ceremonies, but still we are more used to less formal buffets rather than sit down dinners.</p>
<p>ek4-that’s not the synagogue where they will be married. The synagogue (can’t remember the name) is the only place which is a bit far afield as opposed to the venues they are looking at for the reception, the hotel for guests, etc. We think that the happy couple will have to plan private bus transportation in their budget to get the guests from the hotel to the synagogue to the reception venue. Another thing they hadn’t considered…</p>
<p>bevhills, we x-posted, and can I please call you ellebud? That is your proper name, yes?
The “we’ve taken it upon ourselves” is a done deal. My DH, who is usually calmer and saner about these matters than yours truly, has decreed that if people are going to undertake this huge expense to join us in Seattle, we have to make things as easy as possible for them and feed them at reasonable times. :)</p>
<p>Typically rehearsal dinners are small affairs, the family and bridal party. I know that in some communities, particularly Jewish ones, they are more inclusive. The norm though is the latter. Our family has gotten around this by having aunts and uncles host the rehearsal dinner and saying it is our tradition if the Groom’s family is in a different place about the dinner.</p>
<p>In our family, we feed out of towners from the moment they arrive until the moment they leave. This generally means from Thursday evening to Sunday.</p>
<p>However, as I get older, I really do think this is overkill. More than anything, when the event is on a Saturday, I want to get on a plane and go home the next morning or begin sight seeing if that is our plan.</p>
<p>We used hotels that included breakfast for my boy’s Bar Mitzvahs. The hotel gave us a private room off the main area so as people came to eat, they would sit in there, but it allowed people to eat as early as they wanted and then head out.</p>
<p>Does the Bride have a lot of out town family?</p>
We are from the other side of the country and our experience with these life cycle events is a one hour cocktail reception following the ceremony, followed by a 4 hour reception at which dinner is served, one course at a time, with dancing interspersed between courses. </p>
We knew that things were quite a bit more casual, which is perfectly fine with us. We have made it quite clear that we are not looking for an “extravaganza.” 
But, we do have some minimum requirements in hosting out-of-town guests, which will represent the vast majority of the wedding. By minimum requirements, I mean that if people are schlepping across the country, we will feed them at a rehearsal dinner the evening before and at a brunch the morning after the wedding. This is our family tradition, and we have offered to pick up the full tab for that.</p>
Believe me, it will just be a little bit. :D</p>