<p>This thread is making me nervous though. I only have sons and thought the main thing I would have to worry about is planning (and paying for) the rehearsal dinner. Never thought until this thread about the possibility of having to also kick in for the wedding (beyond maybe paying for the alcohol or something like that which my in laws did at our wedding). I guess I better tell my kids to start saving their pennies in case they need to help pay for their wedding if the bride’s family does not have the funds! More couples seem to be financing a part of their own receptions these days anyway.</p>
<p>I don’t have the wedding gene. Every morning I woke up after giving birth - I thought “a boy, oh goodie! I don’t have to plan a wedding” </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>That was before I understood all those rules aren’t really rules at all.</p>
<p>alh–that’s exactly what I thought! So happy first two were sons. Now I’m MOG and in the position of a few others, paying and planning the wedding. I am so honored for the inclusion and how DIL treats me, but so so nervous. </p>
<p>Ema-thanks for the post saying you haven’t had the parental phone calls either. GF has been here much of the last 6 years; she knows how much we love her. Eek–I didn’t even know we were supposed to call her parents. I believe ema and I are in contiguous states–maybe this isn’t so much a midwestern thing? I don’t know any parents where this happened. Oh geez, something else to worry about!!</p>
<p>Having planned and paid for my D’s formal wedding last year in our home town, I know the MOG never read an etiquette book. She didn’t contact me until 6 months after the engagement, to ask advice on rehearsal dinner venue. This is after much prodding from me to my D and to her fianc</p>
<p>“I will be the most gracious and considerate MOG”
After reading this thread though, I am afraid I am not going to be clear on what that means . Roles , tradition , financial responsibilities just don’t seem to be as clear as they used to be, as evidenced by this thread.</p>
<p>Things have changed…times have changed…and customs have done a remix.</p>
<p>My husband’s barber is a Russian immigrant. He said yesterday that in their community (Russian and Jewish) one gives an engagement gift (small), shower gift (if that American custom has filtered in) and cash at the wedding. If all 4 members of his family are invited the gift is $1000. </p>
<p>…my son wanted to know if we could reclaim our Russian roots…</p>
<p>I just found out from my son that he and his GF are planning to marry in 2016, in the spring of which she will be finishing professional school (five hours away). </p>
<p>Lots can happen between now and then, of course, but they have been dating for seven years so I think all expectations are that they are a done deal.</p>
<p>So after my D’s wedding next month, I can start moving on from MOB to MOG. (We know GF’s parents and we have had several dinners together so that aspect should be fine – I hope!)</p>
<p>Congrats, JEM! That’s exciting news. Be sure and invite a few barbers with Russian roots :)</p>
<p>Congratulations, JEM! Do you have a sense yet of what you think you would like your role to be as MOG?</p>
<p>THANKS!
^ It will depend on what the bride and her family want. S will want whatever she wants, and I will not have any issues with that. My D’s wedding will be relatively unconventional, at least for my family of origin, but S’s GF and her family are highly conventional (yet not at all ostentatious). GF has actually already mentioned some ideas re ceremony (a very traditional Catholic ceremony in the local church with friends of hers from music ensembles from high school youth group days performing) and reception location.
So yes, she is one of those young women who thinks about such things years ahead. Son is a “Whatever” guy.</p>
<p>I figure I can have some fun with the rehearsal dinner – hoping we can put together a slide show of the two of them from babyhood on, with captions and music. LOTS of time to plan this one! GF’s mother and I get along well (so far as I know). Kids were high school sweethearts – a band camp romance. Went to both junior and senior proms together and of course, we have the pics. Before they were even dating, though (and while she was dating someone else), classmates would tease that these two would someday be married (to each other).</p>
<p>That is sweet that they were high school sweethearts. And great that you know the GF’s mother and get along well. My parents and my in laws got along very well and it was wonderful that they did.</p>
<p>I look forward to having fun with rehearsal dinners some day too. But it will be a while. Older son has dated someone for over 2 years but no engagement yet. Congratulations again on the engagement and congratulations on your daughter’s upcoming wedding as well!</p>
<p>^ Thanks, I really do appreciate the good wishes. The stats on marriage are so daunting these days that all I really care about is that my kids’ marriages work out long term. To that end, I told my H, we mainly have to make sure we never become a part of the problem! (Sex, money and in-laws are reputed to be the big marriage issues, but we are leaving the first two to the kids to handle – just want to avoid being part of issue #3!)</p>
<p>^ sounds like a good plan to me, JEM. We are trying to be the good in-laws here! ( can help a little on the money front, if necessary. Don’t want to hear about the other! )</p>