<p>I don’t think Oldfort missed the point at all. To suggest that you want to pay for dinner because the other party had to spend money to get there IS a faux pas, IMHO. </p>
<p>If the OP really wants to pick up the tab, the thing to do would be to simply say something hospitable along the lines of “we would like your family to be our guests at one of our favorite places this evening to welcome you to our town,” rather than to inadvertently intimate that they can’t afford to cover the bill!</p>
<p>Otherwise, I would assume in those circumstances that we would split the bill or get separate checks, especially if there were disparate numbers. (5 people in one group and 3 in another, for example.)</p>
<p>Different regions, different cultures, and (probably) different socio-economic strata have different feelings about this. I think there’s no problem at all with the local family offering to host the dinner. I don’t see it as generating an insurmountable indebtedness. The local family probably represents the practices of the local region. It might be useful for the student coming in from a distance to practice adapting graciously to a local practice (I don’t say “the” local practice).</p>
<p>Quick adaptation to differing customs is one of the skills that I’d like my son/daughter to acquire in college. I have to say that I recently missed an opportunity to adapt quickly when a Japanese scientist who is much my senior by age and accomplishment caught me off guard by bowing to me! If I had my wits about me, I would have bowed more deeply, immediately. Well, next time I will.</p>
<p>I agree with ColoradoMoms response but might simply say “perfect we’d love to have dinner please let us pick up the bill” if you genuinely want to “host” the other family. With our circle of friends whomever asks…pays, but that may not be common. We just dropped off S2 and took his roommate out to dinner with us but with kids it’s clearer that if you ask (adults) you pay…with other adults not often as clear. I’d make the offer and if they protest when the check comes offer to split and if they protest again, let them pay.</p>
<p>I’m in ihs76/Consolation’s camp. OK to offer, but not “because you had a lot of travel expenses.” That’s awkward. The approach they’ve suggested (“What a great idea – we’d love to have dinner with you at one of our favorite local places, our treat”) accepts their suggestion, offers your local expertise (almost always appreciated by out-of-town visitors), takes the issue of the restaurant’s price scale off the table, and doesn’t imply a socioeconomic pecking order. IMHO it’s perfect.</p>
<p>In our case, we did the inviting, picked a place and treated the other family. As it turned out, next time they were in town, they invited and treated us, but I certainly wasn’t expecting that. </p>
<p>In your case, since the other family did the inviting, I’d say the odds are good that they intend to treat. Maybe their thought is that since you are local, you will provide more meals and/or an occasional home away from home for their child if the two become friends. In this case, it’s aside from the point whether or not the boys actually do become friends later or even whether or not there is going to be a next time - it’s a thoughtful gesture. </p>
<p>Since you are so inclined, you can certainly go ahead and offer to treat (especially would do so if you are the one who ends up choosing the restaurant), but I’d simply offer to split and/or accept gracefully if they insist . We generally prefer taking turns to splitting checks, personally. However, whatever you do, I would NOT make any comment on travel expenses. It implies you are counting their money and makes assumptions that are not only impolite, but potentially awkward whether true or untrue. In this case, since they are the ones who suggested dining out in the first place, I think it’s most likely a moot point, anyway.</p>
<p>I like the idea of home meals, particularly inviting the roommate over throughout the year for homecooked meals. Cafeteria food can only sustain for so long before you’re longing for some good food cooked at home.</p>
<p>I suggest during the meal if you like them and feel generous then just excuse yourself to go to the rest room and then hand your credit card to the waiter and tell her to put the meal on your tab. If you find you have nothing in common, then you can split the bill.</p>
<p>It’s only one dinner. No one should feel indebted to each other because of it. I believe kind gestures would be paid back in spades in the future.</p>
<p>I don’t think the fact that you’re local is relevant since you’ll be in a restaurant and not your home. </p>
<p>To my mind, splitting the bill is appropriate, especially since undoubtedly you will be taking the girls’ out for meals on occasion on your dime.</p>
<p>Our DD had made a friend on facebook and we offered the parents a timeshare room out of our yearly seven for the night before so they picked up the bill for dinner out. I felt comfortable because it was reciprocal.</p>
<p>DS got taken out by friends’ parents, and I know it’s silly, but I always felt uncomfortable because I didn’t get the chance to reciprocate.</p>
<p>Since you’re local, music to my ears would be, “If your DD gets sick or really needs anything, we’re just a phone call away.”</p>
<p>Too much indebtedness makes the other family feel like cheapskates.</p>
<p>Or how about inviting them for brunch back at your house the next day after the girls move in. Then being local really is relevant.</p>
<p>Glad we didn’t plan that. S’s roommates parents were nuttier than fruitcakes. They came in an just invaded/took over the door room space. We were scrunched over on our side of the room helping S put stuff away, and finally the boys just went off to get IDs and things. They proceeded to rearrange roomie’s side of the room (when it was obvious to anyone who wasn’t spacially challenged that the furniture would only fit one way–they ended up putting it back). Their younger S just sat quietly in a corner. They were in-state and turned around and left immediately after lunch. </p>
<p>Before we left, I told S that I NEVER wanted to hear a word of complaint from him about our behavior or we would start acting like those parents.</p>
<p>Actually, I should have included the fact that we had already gotten to know the roomie and the parents at a spring orientation as well as during move in. I will admit, not sure I would have invited them ahead of time, otherwise. Then again, I admire the roommate’s parents for being so friendly and inclusive. The worst that can happen is that you won’t do it again!</p>
<p>Just chiming in that there is a difference between the roommate and her parents inviting them to dinner and simply suggesting that they all get together for dinner. It sounded more like a suggestion to me. That implies no obligation for either family to pick up the check…it’s split the bill till someone suggests otherwise.</p>
<p>For all the OP knows, since the other family did the inviting, they actually may be planning to treat everyone. If so, that will become evident if they offer to pick up the bill. If they do, then the OP should let them pay. Otherwise, split the bill.</p>
<p>They may have offered the invitation in hopes that the OP’s family would be willing to do things like be kind to their daughter since the D will be in college so far from home. They also may be planning to treat because they know that it’s possible the OP’s family will do things to help their D that the parents and D won’t get a chance to reciprocate.</p>
<p>For instance, my S has stored things at his local roommate’s home over the summer, and S also spent about a month with them after school ended when S was working on a project with his roommate. Other than treating the roommate to a meal, H and I have never been able to reciprocate.</p>