<p>Parents, my first child will be freshman living in the dorm although the college is local. Her roommate is from the east coast across the country. The roommate asked my daughter if our family likes to have dinner with her family the night before move in. It’s a good idea, but my question is - since we’re local, should we just pick up the dinner bill to show the hospitality (I’d love to)?. But I’m not sure it’s appropriate since it’s really just the first time everybody meets. What did you do if you were in similar situation? Thanks in advance for any inputs.</p>
<p>This is one of those situations where you can’t really make a mistake.</p>
<p>It’s not a “should” situation. Most likely, the parents of the roommate expect to split the bill in half. If you really want to treat, then at the end of the meal, you say: Hey, you’re in our town and we want to pick up the bill. It’s fine to do so. They may protest, and offer to split it, but you can say, next time we get together, it’s on you. Of course, if they really insist on splitting the bill, then don’t argue and split it.</p>
<p>It’s a nice gesture, not a big deal for you to worry about. Since you’re local and want to treat, perhaps you can suggest the restaurant beforehand. </p>
<p>Just because the roommate first suggested that her parents and you and your D have dinner before move in doesn’t mean she and they assume they are the host. No one is the host. The assumption is splitting the bill, so if you want to offer to pay, it’s very nice to do so.</p>
<p>We invited son’s roommate and parents to dinner on the last night of move in at an ethnic restaurant (my ethnic group). They are local, we are flying in. As we invited them, we are expecting to pick up the tab. If they insist on splitting the bill, we can always pull the ‘it’s the cultural norm in this situation for us to treat.’ ;)</p>
<p>Watermark, you could say something like: We would love to have dinner with you, and would like to invite you to one of our favorite restaurants as our treat. That way you avoid the awkward conversation at the end of the meal.</p>
<p>jazzymom - thank you so much for your input. I must be too nervous sending my first to college and hoping she and her roommate have a good start. :)</p>
<p>ihs76 - thanks for sharing your experience!</p>
<p>If you are eager to pick up the bill, you could offer… “Since you folk have had a lot of travel expenses, we’d love to pay tonight. Would that be ok?” </p>
<p>An even nicer favor next spring would be an offer to store some items at your house over the summer ;)</p>
<p>You split the bill. If it’s a special occasion and you invited the parents then it would make sense to pay for the dinner. D1 had a dance recital, we invited few people for drinks after the recital and we paid. D1’s roommate’s father and her came to our house to pick up few of her belongings, we paid for the brunch because they were in our home town (it was either that or we would have had brunch at our house). Any time we’ve met D1’s friend’s parents in school we’ve usually split the bill.</p>
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<p>That is very tactful and appropriate. But again, it’s not assumed that you are supposed to do this; it is simply a nice thing to offer.</p>
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<p>Yes, if the two become good friends, possibly future roommates, this is a very welcome gesture. If you have the room. My son’s roommate’s local family got stuck keeping the futon in their garage.</p>
<p>I think if you’d like to treat them to dinner, then just tell them you’d like to treat them to dinner! This doesn’t seem complicated to me.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine for you to offer to pick up the bill, but don’t push things if they prefer to split it. They will probably prefer that you treat their child to dinners out or at your home periodically.</p>
<p>Split the bill. They did the asking. Take the D out a couple times during the year.</p>
<p>Given that they did the asking I’d expect to split the bill, but you can always offer to cover it. I agree though that taking the roommate out a couple of times is an even better idea. I had a local aunt and uncle when I was in college and I always enjoyed going out to dinner with them - my roommates and boyfriends were usually included in the invitations and enjoyed it to.</p>
<p>I’d split the bill. Otherwise they will fill indebted, and it may be very awkward, especially if the girls do not become friends.</p>
<p>As locals, you will have plety of opportunities to take the girls out to dinners on long weekends, etc.</p>
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<p>Perfect! It puts the other family at ease and it’s the truth. Well played!</p>
<p>Whether they have travel expenses or not, it is no one’s business but their own. I would feel weird if someone I have never met before decide to pick up a meal bill because I have travel expenses. Yes, I would feel indebted to pay for the next meal, and I may not want to have another meal with someone after the first meal.</p>
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<p>It’s not a matter of whether they had significant travel expenses - of course they do, they are coming from the opposite coast. </p>
<p>You seem to have missed the point that the O.P. would like to pick up the tab but doesn’t want the offer to be awkward. So, it’s not a matter of what you would do, it’s just a matter of helping the O.P. with what she wants to do i.e., a generous gesture without making a social faux pas. </p>
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<p>All you would have to say (if you were in that position) is ‘may we split the bill?’ If your offer is declined your all-important concerns of indebtedness are covered. And if I may be so blunt, this event is not about you, it’s about the kids who I can guarantee would be uncomfortable about a scene over a dinner tab. If you still can’t live with yourself for someone offering you something without a ‘payback’ perhaps you could do something gracious for others without expecting a quid pro quo.</p>
<p>I think asking “Would that be ok?” makes it feel non-obligatory. If they would rather split the bill, this gives them the option to say “That’s a very generous offer, but it’s ok, we don’t mind picking up our part of the tab.” Just as long as you don’t make it a huge production, and not in front of the girls. Maybe pull one of the other girl’s parents aside and ask quietly and politely?</p>
<p>Thanks for all the good advice/feedback. I definitely don’t want to make roommate’s family feel indebted or awkward. Nevertheless, the dinner is before move-in, before everyone knows each other. I think I’ll go as some of you suggested, split the bill and bring the roommate to dinner later on. </p>
<p>Thank you all again.</p>
<p>The question is why would OP want to pick up the bill? Paying for a meal is no big deal (can’t imagine it would be that expensive), so why do it, especially with a perfect stranger. I always pay when I am with my parents or kids because I could better afford it. Between my friends, sometimes we take turns and sometimes we split. With people I don’t know, it is tricky. If I dress better than they do or drive a better can, it would appear that I am making a statement. Even if that’s not the case, it would look like I am trying too hard. </p>
<p>It is exactly about kids that I say do not offer to pick up the bill. Friendship is a delicate balance, especially in the beginning. By paying for someone, a message is sent, and everyone interprets it differently.</p>
<p>If it’s all about me, I would much prefer to pick up the tab because then I would be more free to order whatever I want to eat or drink, but for my kid’s sake I would split the bill.</p>
<p>When I want to pick up a check, I excuse myself near the end of the meal, go find the waiter and take care of the whole business out of sight. When everyone is finished and someone wonders about the check, I just say “this time it’s my treat” or whatever is appropriate.</p>
<p>If they ask you for a recommendation of restaurant, since you are local, I think it is really easy to pick a casual place you eat regularly, where they know you, and it doesn’t seem odd then you take care of the bill.</p>
<p>My concern is that since they invited you, they may feel they should pay! If I found myself in this situation, I would avoid the whole scenario by inviting them to my home for dinner. But I may be more comfortable than most entertaining strangers. I have had lots of practice. If you know other local students and parents, I’d make a little party. But again, this isn’t everyone’s comfort level. But just another suggestion :)</p>
<p>^^one further thought: if you decide to ask them over, I would say that after realizing how busy and loud and over booked all the restaurants will be during move-in that you thought it would be much more relaxed and fun at your house – and then make it a very casual occasion – I entertain a lot outside this time of year. </p>
<p>And no I DONT’T think I’m Martha LOL – It would be hard to even imagine how very casual my entertaining can be!</p>