I definitely recommend asking first and explaining what your end-of-life care preferences are. I am very thoughtful and decisive; just not someone who wants to pull the plug or assist with certain aspects of assisted suicide.
My good friend is an MD, and is my health care proxy. We spent months visiting a friend dying of cancer, who had a husband who refused to let her go,peaceably. Even our g/f’s parents wanted an end to the suffering. I’m sure my MD friend knows my wishes, better than my family members.
@bookworm, your health-care proxy isn’t your own physician, right? I don’t think a health-care professional can be a health-care agent for one of his or her patients, unless they’re related to each other. That said, it’s important to notify one’s treating health-care professionals (primary care, specialists, nurses, etc.) about one’s end-of-life preferences, too.
Hmmm, I didn’t know that,rosered55. I doubt she would be my treating MD. I guess I’d better check my documents to see if my friend is listed along with a family member.
Just checked, and my son in charge, with this g/f and 2 relatives secondary. I’m sure my son will be happy to have this family friend/MD by his side. Thanks again, rosered55
The laws might be different in your state. The fact that you’ve thought about this matter at all puts you way ahead of most Americans. Witnessing my father’s final illnesses and death was the motivation for me to put together my end-of-life planning documents but it is a topic that’s easy to ignore if one hasn’t witnessed a prolonged death.
You can shop around for preplanning with area funeral homes to get the best prices and to ask questions like the one about moving from the area.
Many members of my congregation have made some plans for their actual service: church or funeral home, favorite hymns, even what some want to be wearing in the casket. I have a file for those and store them in my office for when I meet with their families after the death.
Agree that a healthcare proxy can be an MD but should not have any potential conflict of interest. Interesting side comment, and this is from memory so apologies if its not 100% right. My late parents had a healthcare directive and I was the healthcare proxy. They purposely excluded my brother because of longstanding family issues (that conversation requires alcohol!) Well, somewhere in the directive it said something about the option of getting confirmation (that is probably the wrong word) from “2 physicians”. Well, my ($*#)(%&#)% brother and his equally challenging wife, who caused nothing but difficulty and problems for our parents, are both physicians! I worried at the end of life time for dad that this could have been an issue (brother had already been difficult with mom, but at least dad was alive at the time and was primary healthcare proxy for mom) if the healthcare proxy had been interpreted differently than was intended (the attorney who wrote it with y parents was the trust attorney and knew full well what the issues were with my brother). So, bottom line, be CAREFUL how the directive is written!
My mom died suddenly, and my dad had a stroke sitting by her in ICU. I had to handle the estate with a sister far away. We went through 3 lawyers. One was a crook. I never wanted to see the 2nd again, but sister pushed for it. I ended up needing 22 death certificates and spending time filling out forms and getting them notarized.
I started on dad’s stuff. We put my name on his checks. I called every one of his investment centers and had him verbally approve my handling of stocks, etc. then I moved everything into fidelity, leaving Vanguard alone. I ended up only needing 3 death certificates. I transferred his car title when he couldn’t drive. Towards the end, I had him sign papers to sell his condo (I don’t think he knew what he signed). All his bills and Mail were sent to me. I put everything on Quicken, so my sibling could see exactly what was spent. No lawyer was ever needed.
It took me far less time to handle my dad’s affairs than it did my mother’s.
The only part of my estate that isn’t done is my bank account. I should add my son’s name to it, or put it in my Trust. If I do that, I have to inform all the companies of a new bank account number.
When my mother died, people told me in emphatic terms to get my tail over to the post office and change her address immediately (as though she were coming to live with me). This is illegal, but I was told that doing it the right way would take an excessive amount of time.
I did what I was told.
This might not be necessary if there is a neighbor who is willing to pick up the mail every day and forward it to you promptly, but in our case, no such person was available.
We had about 20 copies of relatives death cert ordered when she died in 2012. I believe there are only about 2 left–all the rest were used in winding down her affairs. We had a family friend as executor. He had a law degree but never took the bar exam. He had handled other estates and worked with the estate attorney.
It is amazing how many places needed a death certificate and wanted a certified original.
Many places claimed that they would return the original death certificate. They didn’t.
When my FIL died, MIL called comcast to have the bill put in her name. They refused unless we sent an original death certificate with raised seal, showing FIL was deceased!
Hmm, I ordered 20 for an estate I just closed after 9 years of work. I think I have at least 10 left. Those $#%^ mortgage companies were forever losing them (or selling the mortgage and not tranferring the info), but they usually only required a fax when it came up.
We got 20 death certificates…I think we used most. The funeral home actually arranged to get the death certificates. Many places wanted originals.
OK, its been 11 years so I can fess up about this. When mom passed away, we ordered about 10 or 12 (can’t recall) death certificates. Back they they were B&W xerox copies with the raised seal. When we started running low and I didn’t want to have to re-order a few from that state (didn’t know how long it would take). So… I had an incorporation seal… looks and feels just like the seal the state used, only if anyone looked carefully they would see that it said my name/corporate name and state I am in, as opposed to the seal from state mom passed away in. Only did it a few times… but it worked like a charm. No problem!! In retrospect had I known, I could have saved myself some time and $!
I think the statute of limitation has expired, @jym626. Perhaps I shouldn’t admit this but I admire your self-help spirit.
Too bad when dad passed away they’d upgraded to multicolored documents with an ink stamp seal… His death certificate had an error (I think his birthday was wrong). Trust attorney told me to not say a word and assume that no one would catch it. He was right.
Yes, they mainly have to cover themselves for liability. When they wanted a copy of the death cert, I’d always ask if a Xerox would do, or if the needed to see a certified original and then have me leave a copy. We would have used many more than 20 of i hadn’t been very particular about who received and got to keel s certified copy. I did get back a few certified copies of the death cents, when I hounded the folks who said they’d return them. Fortunately, few have asked for a death cert recently and things are pretty well settled, with just a few loose ends (bonds that can still run a few more years, etc.)
You are fortunate, himom. Not one person/company returned the certified certificate as promised. And most were hard enough to reach on the phone (lots of wait times, sitting on hold, etc) that it wasn’t worth trying to chase them down.
People, people, you can order more death certificates, you know. You call the funeral home that made the arrangements – even if it has been a couple of years since the death. They tell you what to do.