I don’t read the original post as the student requesting anything of the parent. The kid has had problems with this boy in the past - OP cites previous insults and the comment posted on FB. OP’s H is “furious” but OP is “not mad at all.” I read the original post as the mother asking us to weigh in on how serious of a matter we all thought this was since she and her H did not agree.
The should “we report this” in my mind included the student as the student did text the mother advising her of another insult. So I am not sensing any helicoptering here as the parents have done nothing in the past and seem to disagree on whether anything should in fact be done.
Not enough details for people here to say one way or the other. Perhaps the real question should be, does the daughter feel bullied, harassed, or threatened by the other student, or does she just see the other student as being annoying and making a fool of himself?
And if there were someone in charge to make students nice and someone to direct the call to, would you want your kid going there? Just imagine how Orwellian the place would be, as well as being totally fake.
Hi all. Thank you for all the comments. I asked for opinion because I didn’t feel this as serious or hurtful as my husband. He suggested all that telling the college and stuff because this guy has been known for being racist and mean. H was being a little too protective at the moment. As I said, I am from another country another culture. I didn’t know where to draw the line and I needed advice because I don’t like taking sides if I don’t understand the issue or the situation.
D didn’t ask for help but she shared her feelings. This is what we do everyday because we are really close. She is an only child and mom is one of her best friends. That’s all. She is always a strong girl and knows how to handle life so far. She sorted things out with that guy and he apologized already. Obviously there were a bunch of people heard what he said and they were all very upset too. D has had heated conversation with him many times before but his ignorance is not bearable. He hates Hispanics but he claimed the Hispanic scholarship because he is some Hispanic. He said Pomona wasn’t even a safety for him but he ED’d to go there. He said all the non-christian should go to hell. I think he is just one of those people that you will want to stop before they get bigger. He wants to be a politician and that worries my daughter a lot.
One thing though - I am Asian but I am not a helicopter mom.
You drew the line appropriately, your husband was upset for no reason. This is teenage stuff. I think the guy says it because it gets attention, even if it is negative attention.
But you aren’t in charge of letting every school know that they’ve made a mistake in admitting a student. Maybe they picked him because he said provocative stuff. Maybe he said he thought Pomona was a safety because he didn’t want to admit he applied ED in case he didn’t get in.
This guy is a real jerk and will continue to be one around other people. Karma has a way of catching up w jerks w big mouths…
An important lesson to impart to your daughter is that she doesn’t have to feel socially compelled to be “friends” w everyone. Girls tend to be socialized to “be nice” to people. To hell w that!
This guy may have apologized to her, but she should should recognize that he is no friend and that she doesn’t need to pretend about it.
I think it is a very small school and small senior class. When my kids were in a grade school,with the same 48 kids (then 40, then 38), you pretty much had to deal with everyone, even the girl who stole things and the boys who were a little rough.
@twoinanddone he said Pomona wasn’t even his safely last year when he realized D would attend Carleton as an athlete and he ED 2 to Pomona as a recruited athlete this year.
@GMTplus7 I think D already forgave him. She’s very forgiving and I hope it’s not a bad thing…
Years ago near dusk, I was meeting up w friends for drinks. As i walked alone towards the restaurant, a young man walked towards me on the same side of the street. I had a nagging fear that something was not right , but I shrugged it off because i did not want to “offend” him by crossing to the other side of the street to pass him.
When he got up to me he pulled a gun and put it to my head. I gave him my wallet, and he took off running.
Now if i think someone is a bad person, i don’t give a crap about appearing “nice”. And neither should your daughter.
Trust me, the people he will meet at Pomona will not put up with his crap for a minute. He is going to have a hard time socially if he says that kind of stuff there.
Your D has it backwards. Your D might worry though if people vote for him, but not if he runs. He will not get many votes unless people agree with him.
It is best not to shut such people up or to make them be forcibly nice, i,e, fake. You want them out in the open, talking as much as possible, so everyone knows who they are. And the antidote is to speak back and about them in the open and expose how bad their ideas are. This is why I find this censorship of speakers on colleges so dangerous. It drives such people underground where they are more dangerous and where they “grow” freely in the shadows.
》》He said all the non-christian should go to hell.《《
He thinks “Christians” should be like himself, I suppose? Superficial, self righteous, bigoted, prideful… etc. Please… don’t assume Christians are all like him. He is such a jerk on so many levels.
》》 He wants to be a politician 《《
Let’s hope he doesn’t make it. It’s unlikely, he’d have to get wealthy and influential somehow, and unless he was born that way, I see little chance of him getting that.
Not reportable and Dad needs to get a grip that his baby is not a baby anymore. Tough lesson for this young lady but a teachable moment. I feel bad that your daughter felt the need to forgive him, which I see as backing down. IMHO, she should have set him straight, in that he had no right (and certainly is NOT a friend) to say such a savage thing to her. With friends like this, who needs enemies?
When did “freedom to not be offended” enter into our lives.
I wholeheartedly disagree with what was said but at one time we had “freedom of speech”. Tell the guy he’s ignorant and move on. This idea that anytime someone is offended they run to authorities or government has gotten out of hand and in my opinion it’s actually causing INCREASED hatred and division.
Sounds like your daughter has a wonderful future ahead of her. The boy may or may not. Who knows. 18 year olds are not yet mature even if they are classified as adults. Teenagers say and do stupid things. Very few people I knew from high school are the same people now. This incident is not a crime, it’s just a matter of making the decision to forgive ( which it sounds like your daughter did, kudos) and then decide if you want to keep any sort of relationship with him.
Everyone needs to stop with the “thought police” as someone said earlier and stop trying to make every offensive comment a crime.
Four people on this thread have mentioned this incident as a “teachable moment” for OP’s daughter. How about also making it a “teachable moment” for the guy? No, it’s not a crime, but it shouldn’t be treated like it’s as innocuous as telling someone they’re having a bad hair day or they look fat in those skinny jeans.