I don’t see that reporting it to his future college makes any sense (on her own). Although if disciplinary action is taken by the high school, the HS may then have a policy of reporting it.
What he said is unpleasant but not illegal. I would encourage your daughter to stand up to his ugly words.
We???
Your D & this boy are HS seniors. I presume they’ve graduated or are about to graduate from HS. They’re probably old enough to vote and are about to go their separate ways to different colleges.
If your husband thinks dealing with someone being a jerk (an offensive text msg, but not committing a criminal offense) requires his “reporting the action” to the speech police, then you two should move closer to your daughter’s LAC so he won’t have to fly so far in his helicopter.
This is why Chris Rock doesn’t do comedy gigs on college campuses any more. Because college kids nowadays are too intelligent to have a sense of humor.
I don’t get the joke. Do you?
Ha, ha. It is just a racist, xenophobic comment. Why aren’t you laughing? Sheesh.
I don’t think it’s funny either, but it’s not remotely criminal.
Some people find the Onion offensive. Other people find religious jokes offensive. Witness the violence in Europe over some cartoons about Mohammed.
The dad should let his young adult daughter fight her own battles. And the daughter should pick her battles.
Maybe not criminal @GMTplus7 but it could very well be in violation of the school’s code of conduct. You can’t bully or harass other students based upon their race at most high schools without some accountabilty. The only question is whether that particular comment rises to that level.
^ this. Also, even if it does rise to that level, OP’s D may not wish to pursue it because school is almost over, she doesn’t care that much, the kid will get what he deserves at some point soon anyway, she doesn’t think the school will be supportive, she’d prefer to learn to handle him herself…any number of things.
But lacking a sense of humor about it isn’t one of them. IMO.
I tell my kids not to immediately elevate a dispute to the nuclear option.
If this young women is offended by this “friend”, then the reasonable commensurate response is to inform him that she is offended and to ask him not to say those things again. It’s not to immediately go “nucular” and turn this into a racial harassment incident.
Immediate reporting is something you should do for criminal offenses or for threats to public safety, not for a one-off stupid comment in the schoolyard.
This boy’s behavior is bad and hurting. Is he really racist? He is a quarter Spanish and had a crush on your D. How did the altercation start?
Sounds like the earlier incidents should have been addressed by your daughter as not being acceptable and this kid should have been dropped as a “friend” long ago. It’s not too late for her to speak up for herself but it would have been better if she and her classmates had called him out long ago.
@GMT I think each family might have their own individual approach to these things. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to respond to a perceived insult. I could see a minority family who might have been on the receiving end of these sorts of comments in the past wanting to come down hard in response. And if the same comment was directed at your child it might just roll off their back.
“Do we put a chain on our girl like we do to our dog if you don’t want them to run away?”
While his deportation statement is totally inappropriate , this one posted on social media , I find way more alarming.
I think your DD should just ignore it and move on. True he sounds like a jerk however most likely this guy is just trying to get a reaction out of your DD. It’s hard to say if this kid is racist or just stupid.
Stupid is as stupid does.
I would intervene as a parent if my CHILD was the target.
But this daughter is graduating HS and is about to go off to college. She’s not a “child” but a young adult at the age of majority. When should parents let their kids fight their own minor battles?
I’d appreciate my 18yo kid asking for my advice. But I’d be disappointed in my 18yo kid if kid expected me to “fix” this for him.
I think her D did attempt to fight her own battles. OP stated upthread:
And there is no mention of her D asking OP to “fix” this for her.
Mother is asking if “we” should report it. <>>
So what is the point of the thread, if the D has not asked for something to be done?
If I were another student’s college and a parent contacted me with this stuff, I would be thinking, “Gees, can’t this kid handle something this minor. Thank God that kid is not coming to my school, as I would have to deal with the parents and not the student. Nothing, but trouble.”
I wonder how the OP’s daughter confronted him? Promised to report him to the school’s administration?