If I had to do it all over again, this is what I have learned:
When my DD was 6, she was diagnosed with severe ADHD and an auditory processing problem. I left my career and stayed home with my 6 year old and 1 year old. Over the next 10 or so years, I did everything to help my daughter.
In fact, I did too much. That’s what I would change. I wanted to shield her and help her and I didn’t teach her to help herself. To advocate for herself. I was the first to jump in and stand up for her. Some of it was warranted. It was deplorable how some teachers reacted to students who had difficulty.
The advice I would give any parent of a child or a teen is let them succeed and fail on their own.
Luckily, I learned from my mistake and took an entirely different approach with my son. He is independent and I have no worries about him going off to college.
What, if anything, would you change?
Oh and I’d set up a 529 college savings plan instead of putting their college money in tech funds.
I would take more time for myself, and demand that my H participate in child care and with house maintanence.
I also would insist that we had more time as a couple.
Sleep when the baby sleeps, don’t try & do it all.
@emeraldkity4 I wish I had gone back to work earlier, but I’m so glad I was home for those years. I just wish I had prepared her better for life after high school.
@gettingschooled That internet will get us in trouble or make us paranoid
I am sure I made plenty of mistakes, but denial is a great defense. I do think teaching both D’s stick shift was a really good idea.
ThreeRed- it is not too late to learn skills.
But I have a close relationship with my two wonderful D’s and we talk or text all of the time. Recently D1 did something that I was very proud of and told her so and she said “I learned that from you.” My heart skipped a beat. But I did not let her know that.
My S has issues. I do not think our parenting would have made a difference. I don’t think…
I love him and am very proud of what he does accomplish, but he is not living up to his potential. I do not know if he is satisfied. He is being treated for depression.
You know how you buy you kids a balloon when they’re little? You tell them to hold tight or it will fly away. You tell them once more and offer to tie it to their wrist. Then inevitably, when the get distracted, it flies away. They’d cry and I’d hug them. The’ beg me to buy them another to replace it.
But the best thing I ever did for my kids was not buy them that second balloon.
I would expect kids to be kids because they grow so fast and the childhood is gone. When they are 5 and act like they are 5, I wouldn’t expect the kids to act like they are 6. They will act like they are 6 when they are 6. They will act like 18 when they are 18. They will act like 26 when they are 26. So…there is no need to push things. The kids do grow up.They mature. They become adults. What a drag!
What I did right: shut off cable so there was basically no TV age 5 to now… so he grew up reading. He was wolfing down Les Miserables during the few minutes in between classes in 8th grade. It helped him score really well on the ACT without studying.
What I would have done if I had had a daughter: ban Cinderella and Barbie.
What I wish I had done differently: like someone said earlier, I would have let him fail more. I woulda/shoulda done less for him.
Honestly, I think we did pretty well, balancing our love of reading with the lure of tech and computers. Our kids love and are proficient at both. It’s more challenging in many ways when you raise kids with chronic illnesses–not sure what I could have or would have done differently. We are still watching our kids become the adults they want to be and it’s fascinating and exciting!
Let kid#1 watch more TV because when she had a class survey on how many minutes or hours she was allowed to watch TV, she told me she was the one that had the lowest. Fast forward to college she major in cinema so she can watch endless movie and TV.
I also was a mother bear with this kid, I jumped in and fought many battle when I shouldn’t have because she was shy and sweet. But she has turned out to be fantastic, not a mean bone nor petty about her, even about people that was not so good or kind to her when she was growing up.
Kid#2, not sign up for the same APs as kid #1, because her brain seems to develop more and she became more serious versus her nature which is happy and lucky kid who always has a smile on her face.
With Kid #1, I would have worked harder at teaching her yoga and meditation. She’s a worrier and needs to learn how to relax. Oh, and I would have supervised her more during junior high. No permanent damage done, but some needless stress and anxiety that could have been prevented with more parental intervention.
I would have insisted that Kid #2 start piano lessons in 1st grade, like his sister. I asked him if he wanted to start lessons, he said no, I dropped it. Turns out kid has perfect pitch, natural talent and an instinct for composing. He has picked up piano fairly quickly since staring in 10th grade, but he jokingly blames me for not pushing him. Despite my failings, he is a very happy music major with “woefully inadequate piano skills” (his words).
I wish I had been more patient.
I wish I had spent a lot less time volunteering.
I am glad that I read to my kids every night from birth until middle school. and I am glad that I encouraged independence even though they now live/attend college far away from me.
My advice is that there is no one-size-fits-all parenting.
I am a different, much wiser person at 59 than I was at 30. Most of that wisdom came from childrearing. Sure I could do a better job if I started over today, but I did the best job I was capable of at the time. I let go of the guilt over all the inevitable mistakes a few years back.
