Read my UC essay?

<p>One day in late summer this year. Mr. Cohen, a neighbor, visited us for discussing held the next community table tennis tournament. In the living room, he stand in front of bookshelf and ask my dad: “hey buddy, you added more new books here, The completed idiot’s guide to something series?” My dad smiled and answered : “Oh, those books were bought by my honey daughter Sylvan, there are more on her table. Most of them are related to the business, such as to e-Commerce, and so on”. Mr. Cohen sly smiled and said: ”You are a fan of something for DUMMIES series, and now add a fan of IDIOT’S series. Is that mean in your family there are one old dummy and one small idiot ?” </p>

<p>Hearing that I were rushing to answer: ”Yes , you are right, In math, two negatives make a positive. Here, one dummy and one idiot are combination of smart team”. “Oh, how about these words?” He asked. “The old dummy learned how to design the new product, negotiation with manufactures and apply for the patent. I, small idiot suggested the old one to change the new product’s name to car laptop holder, as you know, the old product’s name is car book holder. Why make that changing, because my investigation show me that more and more people use laptop in the car, they do take the advantage of wireless to connect laptop to the internet. This is my written description of the product: this hands free laptop holder that was used after the car is parked, and was a stand for laptops, books, maps, and magazines on the steering wheel. Which also had straps to control page turning and to hold pencils and pens." </p>

<p>I continued: "Eventually, this product was manufactured out. Last spring, I made my request to sale this product, my parents agreed that I can do marketing and sales, in three-month summer vacation, as part of the summer social practice. First of all, I found a free ISP online and then built my website, the html and java are used as computing language, in three days. And then I published the product information on the craiglist. Next, I observed that there are two elements make the sales volume increases, one is the product to change the name, the other is to reduce the sales price.</p>

<p>This summer I have been very happy, there are two particularly good feeling, one is to the post office to mail product, that is mean to make money, the second is that sales data fit the demand curve, which was learned in AP economics at the school. Of course interest and good feeling has led me to buy books and read them. I found many things to need to learn, for example, macroeconomics, microeconomics, management, accounting, finance, product development and sales, international trade management and so on. My dream is to become a qualified professional managers or entrepreneurs in the future. However, continuous learning will make dream come true.</p>

<p>Once I have a problem, I’ll go check the books, find the answers, so you laughed, I said those idoit’s series of books, for example, The complete idiot’s guide to Starting a Web-Based Business, to Java 1.2. This practice plus theory, and then back to practice, I really benefit from it. Three months of summer have passed, I pause in this area, back to school to continue my studies and began to prepare my college application materials." He then asked: “How about the sale record these three months?” I replied: “About one thousand dollars net profit, however, the acquired knowledge and work experience is invaluable.” He looked at me with an inquiring look, asked.“Last time I met you, you said you are still selecting a major, is now selected out?” I replied: “Yes, in the future, my job cover letter will have a word, I graduated from xxx university in business major.” </p>

<p>He said:“Well, I understand what you say that two negatives make a positive meaning, and I am happy to hearing that, but”. " But what? “I asked eagerly. He paused, smiling, said:” What I understand that two negatives make a positive is that next time at our community table tennis tournament, if I lose two games to you that mean I win, so let your dad asked me to have BBQ." I froze a moment, smiled and said:" Well, that your two negatives make a positive is waiting me here." He was slowly and word by word said:" I’m teasing you." We all laughed.</p>

<p>…really a bad idea to post that on here. Click the edit button at the bottom of the pg (next to “report problem post”) and get rid of this. </p>

<p>PM it to ppl but by blatantly doing this, anyone can steal it and post it as their own (UC admissions could also think that you ripped it off here).</p>

<p>blah blah blah. Where’s the attention getter and thesis? I don’t see anything but a fun fairy tale after reading the first few paragraphs. Work on it. And grammar.</p>

<p>You could make this your first sentence ”You are a fan of something for DUMMIES series, and now add a fan of IDIOT’S series. Is that mean in your family there are one old dummy and one small idiot ?”</p>

<p>but change the “is” to “does” and “are” to “is” <<isn’t that taught in the SATs??</p>

<p>Need to fix grammer. Can’t even read.</p>

<p>You could maybe make a clear statement in the beginning what your thesis is. I wasn’t really sure what the main focus of the essay was until the last 2 paragraphs. I’m still not sure right now actually.</p>

<p>aren’t these due like in 8 days?? wow. lol I finished mine in the summer or by the end of it at least.</p>

<p>I’m not sure if people really want to steal this…</p>

<p>lol @chairman hahaa</p>

<p>My eyes feel raped, and I swear that I’ve gotten stupider from reading this…Anyway, obvious ■■■■■ is obvious. The only other post made by this person demonstrates decent grammar: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-pennsylvania/1024880-all-honest-stats-chance-me-ed.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-pennsylvania/1024880-all-honest-stats-chance-me-ed.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>And what the flying fu/ck are you doing with Java 1.2? That’s 1998.</p>

<p>haha don’t worry guys it’s actually not my writing. </p>

<p>The writer claims that it is the best essay ever written and I begged to differ.
I posted it on here to get an unbiased response, and even besides the bad grammar, I never understood the thesis or main idea…
Plus, my grammar isn’t that bad…I got a 10 outta 12 on the SAT essay and a 720 in Writing</p>

<p>LOL~ Does your friend know that you posted his/her essay for everyone to ridicule? o_O</p>

<p>Is this person a friend or an enemy?</p>

<p>If he/she is the former, you’re a terrible friend.
If he/she is the latter, this is a creative and wonderfully cruel way to ridicule them. Well done.</p>

<p>my teacher did that to a student once. kid cried, but it might have been the most hilarious criticism i’ve ever heard in my entire life. (he was going over the essay in class; tried to keep it nameless, but eventually got out…)</p>

<p>The person wanted me to use it as my personal statement, after I had finished my first drafts 2 monthes ago. I got my drafts looked over by a Berkeley admissions officer who reads 500-1000 apps a year and he said they were really good & to move on to private school essays. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, this person wanted me to use this as my personal statement, said mine were bad, & i said this person’s was bad…person got really sore & told me to ask my english teacher to read it because the person thought it was a work of art or something. Can you imagine me showing that to my english teacher?!? So i wanted to test if i was crazy or not because i thought the essay was crap so I posted it on here because my friend said it was a college forum & ppl often post their essays. </p>

<p>Seems like i’m keeping my old essays…haha</p>

<p>What the hell is this? No wait, its a self-esteem booster.</p>

<p>I’m hope you’re not lying. Because that would be a terrible lie.</p>

<p>Interesting story…</p>

<p>

It doesn’t sound likely that an admissions officer would devalue their own institution by recommending you to work on an essay for a higher caliber private institution.</p>

<p>idk he’s my college counselor lol. i dont even think uc’s should be that much of a problem though cause my school takes 70-80 people a year</p>