<p>As much as I can see the achievement benefits of so-called Tiger Parenting in terms of straight test scores and numbers, I think mental health should take precedence. A kid with an ulcer cannot study well. A kid with no sleep or down time can’t function. A kid who is emotionally and/or verbally abused at home WILL break down eventually, perhaps wrecking those Ivy League dreams first semester freshman year at Yale. A kid with psychological issues like eating disorders, self-injury, severe anxiety, or depression is a walking time bomb on a BS or college campus waiting to implode. </p>
<p>I’ve worked as an academic counselor for undergraduate students and noticed that the ones in my office were either extremely over-parented or totally neglected. I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve seen - smart kids - get to university and just unravel psychologically. </p>
<p>In my opinion, building intrinsic motivation (as in, the kid WANTS to work hard, is fulfilled emotionally by their work, and has personally chosen these specific pursuits) and resilience are often overlooked. I’m sure that BS admissions staff are definitely considering A.) Will this kid fall apart emotionally and psychologically away from Mom and Dad and B.) Will this kid rebel in a destructive way once Mom and Dad aren’t physically present? And also, C.) Is the kid here because they are pursuing their own academic/athletic/artistic passions, or are they here so Mom and Dad can get a bumper sticker and bragging rights? I’m sure they’re savvy enough to tell the difference.</p>
<p>Although I agree with problems of over parenting or total neglecting, I can never understand why people think of “tiger parenting” as either.</p>
<p>I assume most never touched her book nor read her daughter’s responses/defenses to critics.
I found the book hilarious and laughed out loud so much. The author later said it was a satire. Perhaps only the ones raised by tiger parents and survived can get the message of the book. It may be written in a secret code that no one else can decipher.</p>
<p>To me, the book was about discipline, accountability, responsibility, and true love.
In interviews, Chua said tiger parenting is not for everyone but works wonders when it does (agreeing with achievement benefits above). Chua also said it’s to be used between 3 to 12 years of age. Beyond that what’s done is done. The early habits and ethics instilled will stay. One cannot tiger parent a teen.</p>
<p>I’m with the camp against ‘nation of wimps’ and delusional GYPSYs discussed in another thread.
If tiger parenting can prevent those, more power to it.
Personally, I didn’t have guts to tiger parent as I was not born in the year of Tiger, as Chua was, born with tenacity. Further, alas, my kids are over 12 years old, too late for that.</p>
<p>I had a long post with all sorts of personal examples prepped, but decided to delete it.</p>
<p>I’ll just leave it at this, as the child of Asian immigrant parents myself, I see some benefits of so-called “Tiger Parenting”, when applied in moderation and with a sensitivity to the temperament of the individual child.</p>
<p>In the end, I think most parents are just trying to do the best we know how. And that should spare most (not all ;-P) judgement and derision.</p>
<p>I certainly agree on your latter point, SevenDad (I don’t have any experience with your first point with which to judge, although I can certainly see that that might be the case). </p>
<p>But maybe resilience is the key point. After all, even if you live in a safe place, don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from, and aren’t subject to any overt cruelty, life is HARD. What do we want most for our children but a sense that they are strong enough to take whatever life throws at them, whether daily grind or dire circumstances? </p>
<p>I’m happy that my children seem pretty strong, despite their relatively soft suburban upbringing. But I can’t claim that my parenting had much, if anything, to do with their resilience; I’m just glad that I managed not to crush it. I tend to lean on the side of nature over nurture as I watch them grow up.</p>
<p>And I don’t know anything about Chinese astrology beyond what is on place mats in restaurants, but I’m pretty sure that I’m the one who is lucky not to have been crushed by my two dragons! :-)</p>
<p>+1 to 7D. Thank you. The last thing I want is starting a flame war. I’m not a Tiger but a peace loving one.</p>
<p>I just wanted to point out the difference between tiger parenting done right way and stereotypical asian parenting gone wrong. The latter is often fueled by fear, not empowered by sacrificial love of traditional kind. </p>
<p>I believe in resilience of children too, so I’m sure they will turn out fine no matter how much we screw up along this “parenting” journey, breastfeeding past 2 years, using the wrong kind of diapers, co-sleeping till teen years, etc… as long as the foundation is there - keeping communication path open, really knowing the child, recognizing my own desires and wishes vs theirs.
We gotta do what we gotta do.</p>
<p>(Asterisks in my earlier post are not mine. Any in here are not mine.)</p>
<p>I don’t want to start a flame war on Tiger Parenting, either. There’s actually quite a bit about Chua’s approach that I like, and that works. I agree with her “nothing’s fun until you’re good at it” idea because, well… it’s just kind of true! How many things do we all quit prematurely because we don’t achieve instant success? I like her emphasis on perseverance, (very!) hard work, and setting high standards for children. High standards means confidence and belief in them. I’m not a fan of laissez-faire parenting, personally. I’m much more in the concerted cultivation camp. I like to throw all kinds of opportunities my DD’s way and see what “sticks.” Sometimes you don’t know something is a passion until you’re exposed to it firsthand (for me, a particular foreign language) or you think that something sounds great until you try it and realize you don’t enjoy it at all. Without parents to facilitate a wide variety of experiences, it’s difficult for children, especially young children, to arrange them on their own.</p>
<p>I wasn’t crazy about all the yelling and, in my opinion, emotional abuse that she inflicted on the children. I think there’s a way to be strict <em>and</em> warm and to correct children without denigrating their character or making them feel worthless. But as PP said, all parents are doing their very best, and I don’t doubt that Chua is/was no exception.</p>
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