<p><quote> regarding fb-> thats why you don’t add them.</quote> </p>
<p>Cant get it to work.</p>
<p>Just because you don’t add someone doesn’t mean they cant see it. I was kind of kidding about the outcast thing but there are advantages to not having to worry about conforming to social pressure. I kind of respect people who have the guts to consciously stand apart from everyone and truly not care. Rad I agree with you in part, Im not attacking you, it’s kind of hard to convey tone through CC</p>
<p>When it all comes down to it, words are words. Don’t forget that. And at this point, the fact is that most swear words are so heavily used that their meanings have become incredibly diluted and even nigh forgotten altogether. I don’t swear excessively; nor do I expose my family to too many vulgarities. However, I do drop the f-bomb occasionally to add [a little] emphasis to my message, and I just don’t see a problem with it - nor, as far as I see, do most adults who spend any of their day around teenagers.</p>
<p>It’s speech - I’m not arguing it’s attractive speech, but it’s letters squeezed together to form syllables. If I were to tell you that I would replace the word “s**t” with the word “qwert” and use it with the same vulgarity and connotations, would you be happier? What about if I replaced the f-word with “intercourse” and used it with the same indecency? “Dude, I totally intercoursed that exam. That qwerty teacher really intercoursed up that vocab list.”</p>
<p>My guess would be no - you’d still be discontented. Therefore, I posit that what you resent is what you perceive as a loss of innocence in vernacular speech - tact discarded. I conclude that you don’t resent cuss words. You resent the fading of 20th century social values. Hell, until 1960, interracial marriage was illegal. My, how the times have changed - and I, for one, take no issue with what I perceive as an infinitesimal modification to social graces.</p>
<p>Well I definitely could never have put it as eleqouently as TomtheCat but I agree with what he said particularly the middle paragraph, it’s society that deems what words become unacceptable not the words themselves.</p>
<p>You should follow society with the words they deem acceptable and unacceptable. I mean do you still use a telegraph or do you use a cell phone; do you ride in a horse and buggy or a car/bike/motorcycle/truck. If you are going to follow society through those things why not with the words people think are bad and not bad. There are just some words you shouldn’t say at all. My friends are teens and they don’t cuss. Do you see something wrong with that? And in response about what blueraven said about cutting her hand open…I wouldn’t cuss. I would simply use the time I could be shouting out inappropriate words to find somebody to help me. ;)</p>
<p>I use words all the time that are considered socially unacceptably by my peer group. About a week ago, I used the word ‘ecstatic’ and was told that /nobody/ uses that word, does that mean I should limit my vocabulary. For a group essay my partner wouldn’t let me write at first because I “use to many big words” should I modify my behaviour and essentially dumb down in order to fit the mold society wants. Some of the best discoveries of all time have been defying what is socially acceptable. Even if you go back 60 or so years it was societies message that blacks were not equal to whites, should I have bought into that because I followed many of societies other norms. I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for following society or else there’d be anarchy but you can’t say ‘Oh if you follow society in that you have to accept all things’. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you never swearing but taking the attitute that swearing has no time or place for anyone and acting morally superior about it isn’t right either. And about the hand thing? Sure, I’d go find help but I’m talking about the split second reaction where ones first instinct is to either scream or swear. I know which one I’d pick.</p>
<p>You bring up an interesting social norming situation whereby groups seek to separate themselves from others by enforcing a language and behavior code. What you are describing is the negative side of that coin - we are insecure about our position vis-a-vis the other group, so to be with us you cannot talk like them especially around them (from the not using the word in the group essay).</p>
<p>There is group norming that differntiates behavior/language in a positive way - separating yourselves as an example for other groups to emulate. This would be behaving in a way that if adopted would also help the other group be more successful. Generally, the use of a more sophisticated (as noted by a greater variety of ways to express the full spectrum of experience) vocabulary is one of those ways. </p>
<p>And let me tell you no generation has a monopoly on precise speech. That is why new words and phrases are added to the language. Experiences that become outdated by technology and change in living patterns will fade from the vocabulary. And the rate at which the ability to communicate with people over a greater distance has also added to the vocabulary as more foreign terms enter other languages. The thing that you put your groceries into - what do you call it - shopping cart - is called a buggy here where I live. As cultures become more integrated, redundant terms disappear. I suspect buggy will probably not survive in the greater American culture over time. And these changes are not about isolating a subculture from everyone else. It is about communicating with a larger audience in a way that makes them feel unified. When I am in the story locally talking to someone of the local culture, I call the cart a buggy. When I am visiting goaliegirl and taking her to Walmart up north, ghat buggy is called a cart. I am not here to separate myself as being from a different region. I am trying to be effective in communicating with those around me.</p>
<p>As to the discussion about cursing when unexpectedly hurt, it is generally less likely to offend, as people generally accept that there is a loss of composure under such duress and are willing to forgive as long as the language improves shortly after the duress disappears.</p>
<p>We seemingly strict adults do understand the situationally correct use of language and appreciate others who do likewise.</p>
<p>Umm…I think all I said was that my kids know better than to use expletives on fb. Does being intelligent and using common sense make you a “goody two shoes” who nobody likes? Hmm, I don’t believe this has occurred. My son is currenly being recruited for his sport. He knows coaches certainly check out fb sites. (Two DI coaches actually told us they have dropped recruits based on things they saw on their fb’s). All of his teachers at his school can see his site as well. And, as I said, my daughter has young girls on her site. They are using good sense. Luckily, most of their friends (yes, amazingly they have friends even though they don’t swear!) use the same good sense.</p>
<p>Nosy coaches, teachers, principles, parents, and younger siblings who want to pick apart people’s social lives… Are exactly what facebook’s privacy settings exist for…</p>
<p>Why hide behind privacy settings? “Our social lives” and “the words we choose” should represent authentically who we are. </p>
<p>If you believe that “the times have changed,” be brave. Allow “those nosey coaches, teachers, principals, parents, younger siblings”–and future employers, potential customers or clients, future meaningful relationships – into your world to judge who you really are. </p>
<p>From our spoken/written words, we’re all judged on maturity, integrity, and attitude. You can’t change that, only mature into accepting it.</p>
<p>So let’s all live in a Big Brother world then!</p>
<p>Tell me you’ve never whispered in anyone’s ear. Tell me that you talk to your parents in exactly the same way as you talk to your similarly-aged best friends. How about this - tell me that there have never been any widely publicized and extremely serious cases in which young, impressionable people, have been led to death or sexual assault because of lack of privacy settings.</p>
<p>I’d also contest your claim that our social networking profiles reveal “who we are.” I, for one, untag myself from pictures that I find too unflattering, and I watch what I say on other people’s posts with consideration to the fact that their profiles may not be as private as mine. We employ filters. Said filters are a little harder to utilize in person - in real life. I have to admit - in person, there are times I wish I really hadn’t done something I did. Online, that feeling doesn’t need to exist. Some of my friends are terrible online - terrible with responding to messages and seemingly brusque over IM. They are not like that in real life. Our facebooks are not embodiments of who we really are.</p>
<p>Not everyone wants their social life to be accessible by everyone else. Most, in fact, enjoy their RIGHT to privacy.</p>
<p>I am happy to have an excellent relationship with my children. They often tell me things I almost wish they hadn’t, that is how transparent our relationship is. </p>
<p>And…lilke it or not…schools, employers, coaches, etc. do check out fb. As far as “nosy” parents - I don’t think that has been mentioned. My three children all invited (friended) me and taught me how to use fb. As a matter of fact, all of my kids friends seem to have parents, aunts, uncles, etc. on fb. My 80 year old aunt even has a fb and she is on all of her grandkids’, nieces, and nephews fb’s. FB is for everyone. </p>
<p>And…
</p>
<p>Well said. Tom and Rad would do well to heed this excellent advice.</p>
<p>Tom, when you said, “on line that feeling doesn’t exist.”…Are you saying that given no boundaries, your true self comes out? </p>
<p>Rights come with responsibilities. Maturity dictates that you learn to act out of conscience rather than trying to react to “who is going to catch you.” On-line can be a dangerous place to manifest insecurities–fostering a need to hide, pretend, react to peer pressure, and create identities that don’t resemble real life. </p>
<p>It’s important to find congruence between who you are and what you say.</p>
<p>Choosing to use foul language (intended for shock, emphasis, attention, or an unconscious habit) is a right that you may have, but you will have to accept the responsibility of the outcomes–losing credibility with those you are trying to influence.</p>
<p>As an adult, I wouldn’t hire someone who used vulgar language on public web pages. That person might represent my business to the world; why take a chance on someone who can’t manage his own public persona competently? I’m not required to make allowances for a slob, and I can’t afford the association. Let someone else try to train him, on their own dime. There are more than enough adults who manage to control their public image from whom to choose. </p>
<p>The origins of the word “vulgar” are worth pondering at this point. When I call someone “vulgar,” it isn’t a compliment. It isn’t a matter of socioeconomic status, either. There are many wealthy vulgarians in the world. That doesn’t raise the value of offensive speech. As a matter of fact, I’ll admit that, if I know someone attended “good schools,” yet chooses to use obscenities in everyday speech, I’m even more likely not to hire them, nor to invite them in for an interview. From those to whom much is given, much is expected. If you know how to behave “well” in public, yet choose to violate that understanding, that sends a clear picture of entitled behavior.</p>
<p>We’re wandering away from the OP, though. The problem isn’t the use of vulgar language. It’s breaking into someone’s online account to post vulgar items on it–in order to have the fun of shocking the victim’s granny. The OP is right. It goes to character. (By the way, parents of bullies are very likely to claim that the victims “don’t have a sense of humor.” That’s a very telling attempt to defend the behavior. )</p>
<p>I agree the discussion is off the topic of OP. I think the kids are here to say they have a set of “acceptable” vocabulary among themselves and it’s not meant to be read by aduts; and that if it so happens that adults are reading it, then know it doesn’t mean what you think it means. Knowing that, I try not to “make a fuss” over a f-bomb here and there on my kids’ fb wall as long as it’s not extreme profanity, but rather I pay attention to the subject matters they discuss and whether it has the potential risk of leading to serious offense or a dangerous outcome. Having said that, facebook is so widely accepted nowadays by both young and older people. You can easily have hundreds of friends from a wide range of background who can read your wall at any time, so use the privacy settings and other filtering functions wisely (take it to a private conversation if needed rather than posting on the walls) to avoid offending others, who <em>reasonably</em> think differently than you.</p>
<p>All I’m saying is that kids talk differently with their friends than with parents. People on fb don’t swear that often( at least not extreme amounts) around where I live.
And there’s no need to make a mountain out of a mole hill. The girl was playing what she thought was a harmless prank and (to me) you seem to be making it more than it is. @keylyme: Lots of people do friend adult relatives. But those adult relatives don’t usually actually look at their(the kids) profiles. They are usually talking to their own friends and may occasionally check up on them in cases of boredom or they wanted to say hi b/c they hadn’t talked to them in a while. Personally, I know no adults who actually talk to their kids/nieces etc. on fb very often.</p>
<p>also, on using “foul language” with those you are trying to influence, that would be incredibly stupid unless you’re like 10 and you’re trying to make the “big kids” think you’re cool.</p>
<p>also keylyme for comment…#29- the who nobody likes part about that was supposed to mean nobody likes a goodygoody in general. not you children specifically.the way you put it made it seem like they went a bit far calling the girl out on it. JMO</p>
My son spoke to the girl in question (it was actually photos she initially posted and when my daughter commented on fb about the inappropriatness of the photos, she then used foul language) on the advice of his older sister (he is 17and she is 19). If I had suggested this, it might not have gone over so well, but he sees totally eye to eye with her and she was right. He spoke to the girl (who is a friend of his) and she was quite understanding. I think it was a good learning experience.</p>