<p>Gosh I hope so. I think I finally got a good one. </p>
<p>I’ll add another green flag - When I wake up sick with no energy, a miserable nose, a congested head and barely any voice the day we are supposed to leave for our first ever vacation together (murphys law, right?) … not only do you do all the driving but you don’t complain when I zonk out in our hotel the moment we arrive and instead of doing the fun exciting things that we had planned that night you just brush your fingers through my hair while laying in our room watching tv and tell me that you hope I feel better next time we vacation together. (We did manage to go out for some nice meals and we spent a little time on the beach the next couple days - along with my tissue box… lol… but I was one miserable chick the entire trip! Oh and by the time we got home he was sick too!) Next vacation is coming up in two months so everybody cross your fingers that I don’t feel like death this time around. He jokingly said the other day that he’s glad we got an ocean view room with a balcony this time because when I manage to be sick again at least he can sit outside and enjoy the fresh air without leaving me. Lol.</p>
<p>Would definitely agree with shady friends–want someone whose friends I enjoy and am comfortable around. “Birds of a feather flock together” has been my experience.</p>
<p>" I have the feeling that many posters are projecting on their spouses or ex-spouses."</p>
<p>I can’t speak for the others , but that statement does apply to me ! Both my husband and I were previously married and have a blended family . My husband and his ex do not get along at all and it has a huge impact on their daughter and his relationship with her. He gets along wonderfully with my children as well as my ex ( who has spent holidays with us at times )
The negatives take a toll on our entire family
But the wet towels , are just a minor annoyance :D</p>
<p>Also that gender identity is what you think it is. A friend’s husband, after 10 years and 2 kids, informed her that he felt like a woman inside. They got divorced and he is now she.</p>
<p>My ex and I are also friendly and he and his wife and child have celebrated holidays, birthdays, funerals, etc., with my family. His wife has been very good to my children and because there is a 10-year age difference in my youngest and ex’s son with new wife, there has really been no competition for affection. I am thankful that he remarried because otherwise he would be dragging woman after woman (read hussy after hussy ) through my kids’ lives. She has provided stability on his side that has been good for my kids. I have not remarried and have dated very, very little, so there has not been a parade of men in my kids’ lives either.</p>
<p>Partners who have friends who want to “hang out” all the time with your partner (and your partner thinks that’s fine or doesn’t have the ■■■■■■■ to tell the friend(s) otherwise.)</p>
<p>One of the young gals that I worked with was the first one married amongst her and her H’s social circle. The H’s friends thought that their home was “sports central” and would show up nearly every day to hang out and watch TV with the H (and drink and eat their food). The H was too immature to see the wrongness of the situation and to tell his pals to call ahead to find out if a visit was ok. The marriage did not last.</p>
<p>My daughters both would love that, though, and DO always choose guys with a lot of hanging around buddies. But, then, the hanging around buddies also always think my girls are great. In fact, both of them have a lot of hanging around buddies.</p>
<p>I think this one might be a matter of personal taste.</p>
<p>People that hang out with others have some measure of social skills - the opposite is the loner that may be awkward around others. You don’t want someone that is controlled by the group but you don’t want someone that is otherwise isolated either.</p>
<p>Those social groups can provide support or advice, help when you need something (fixing a car problem or moving furniture), or guidance in moving up the career ladder.</p>
<p>I think having a strong social group is important to a marriage. OTOH, I know couples who spent virtually no time alone, ever…on purpose. Sometimes, the ‘group’ becomes a coping mechanism for an otherwise dysfunctional relationship. It’s easy to avoid dealing with a significant other one on one when there are always other people around. It would be a red flag to me if someone didn’t ever want to spend time away from the group. Although it does seem to work for some couples. I know couples who won’t even vacation alone.</p>
<p>The problem may be that your partner may turnout to be a loner - even to you.</p>
<p>There are a lot of benefits to being socially engaged and the loner might not have access to those benefits. Have a look at the emotional immaturity thread for an example.</p>
<p>I tell women to avoid guys who wear earrings or who spend more than about 30 seconds per week fussing with their hair (I knew Jon Edwards was a jerk just because of his preoccupation with his hair).</p>
<p>I have heard it said that guys should avoid women who in the throes of passion say something like, “Oh, daddy…”</p>
<p>Nobody here is saying that anyone shouldn’t get married.</p>
<p>We are expressing our preferences for our sons and daughters. In some cases, strong preferences. Or talking about things that we would strongly like to avoid.</p>
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<p>Being a social loner is something that can be changed but it requires some positive work at it. Some girlfriends and boyfriends think that they can change them over time.</p>
<p>*One of the young gals that I worked with was the first one married amongst her and her H’s social circle. The H’s friends thought that their home was “sports central” and would show up nearly every day to hang out and watch TV with the H (and drink and eat their food). The H was too immature to see the wrongness of the situation and to tell his pals to call ahead to find out if a visit was ok. The marriage did not last. *</p>
<p>*My daughters both would love that, though, and DO always choose guys with a lot of hanging around buddies. But, then, the hanging around buddies also always think my girls are great. In fact, both of them have a lot of hanging around buddies.</p>
<p>I think this one might be a matter of personal taste. *</p>
<p>It may be an example of personal taste, but I doubt your Ds would have thought that this situation was ok. It’s one thing to have good social relationships; it’s another to have a situation where your spouse and his buddies are laying around every day watching TV and you’re the “chief cook and bottle washer” and your pantry/fridge is being drained and you’re left cleaning up their messes. In such a case, she was no longer a spouse…she was simply a live in cook/maid for several immature guys. </p>
<p>I think most women want more of a relationship with their H’s than the 3 minutes before they go to sleep. ;)</p>
<p>I don’t mind the whole hanging around buddies however it needs to be in moderation and it needs to be reciprocal. If you get a weekend of men over on the couch drinking beer and watching sports then I get a weekend out with my best friend where we can do whatever we want. If you have a poker night on wednesday, then on thursday we get a date night that doesn’t include me cleaning up your mess from wednesday. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not your maid and I’m not going to sit in the kitchen and cook up a feast while you hang out with your buddies every night. </p>
<p>With my ex, he was all for hanging out with his friends all the time and wanted me there too. Almost all of our time together included him, his brother, and at least one or two of their friends. I didn’t mind his friends, but I never got to see any of my own because he took over my life. I felt like I ignored MY friends during our entire relationship. I was amazed they were all there for me after my very rocky breakup. Looking back at it, that relationship never would have worked. </p>
<p>With current BF, he loves having guys night out or guys night in with his guy friends which is perfectly fine with me because that gives me time where I can go hang out with my friends or this or that. He doesn’t expect me to be there and quite honestly I don’t want to be the only girl in attendance anyway. And if we do hang out with our friends together we usually do like a double date out to dinner or we’ll invite them over for dinner and board games at the house. I think this is just the more mature way of going about it. For every male bonding day that he has, the next night we almost always together just the two of us having a good time. That being said, yesterday he was out playing sports with his buddies so right now I’m going to go cook us some brunch and we are going shopping afterwards. :)</p>
<p>Yeah. I can’t see my girls being chief cook and bottle washers for anyone. They are much more likely to be laying around all day watching TV with the guys, frankly…well, or out doing their own thing. Both are incredibly busy with their own lives, just by nature.</p>
<p>But, I suppose, if you are looking for the ‘cozy nest’ that some girls want, this could be a biiiiig problem. This just seems to me to be a compatibility issue. :)</p>
<p>But, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think one is “better” than the other, really, just different, and this is one of those examples of “there’s somebody for everyone.”</p>
<p>Other things: Lying, cheating, abuse, drug issues, alcohol issues, money issues, are just a different kind of thing. YMMV</p>
) through my kids’ lives. She has provided stability on his side that has been good for my kids. I have not remarried and have dated very, very little, so there has not been a parade of men in my kids’ lives either.</p>