This judgement really saddens me. My niece was murdered years ago and found in a dumpster. It’s amazing to think that some will judge my family and or not want their children to hitch their wagons with mine because of this unfortunate, tragic event.
@MomofWildChild
I find it really sad that you judge somebody for something they had no control over.
What is D’s career goal? There are professions where trust is called for and one would not want to be connected to a family with such notoriety.
Like what? Never heard of that happening.
Any background check jobs…
I work in law enforcement. Have quite a few shady characters in my family. When my background was done the issues were there but it did not prevent me from getting employed. I think that some are just more concerned with the riff-raff infiltrating the family and what they may look like to others.
They do a background check on the applicant’s in-laws? What job does this?
I would pay attention to all my children’s relationships. Perhaps you’ll learn more about him if it gets more serious, but not to worry needlessly.
He may be a great kid and looking to break away.
The only thing on my radar is that if he was part of a wildly abusive home, he may have ptsd and other emotional issues. I’ve seen it first hand and it certainly affect personal relationships.
However, nothing along the lines of violence or that sort of thing. More along the lines of trust and ability to form relationships. That sort of thing.
Just monitor from afar and trust her instincts.
Sarrip- that situation is the reverse of the one which we are discussing. Your family member was a victim. This family member is the convicted party. I said RED FLAGS- not necessarily a deal breaker. Certainly something of concern, though.
You just can’t judge somebody for what their parent’s did because that is 100% unfair.
If your daughter brought home a guy whose father sexual assaulted women would you judge the son? I really hope you wouldn’t.
From what I’ve read, I don’t think anyone here, including OP, has passed judgement. There is suspicion, but no one has judged the boyfriend. The daughter has a responsibility to be less evasive, but like most young adults, doesn’t recognize this duty.
To me, it is common with young adults to think that independence is absolute. But they realize at some point that a strong family is not just a bunch of independent people related by genetics. There is a healthy level of interdependence. When a young adult finds themselves in over their heads, who do they call? Usually the parents. So it is natural and healthy for OP to be concerned and desire more information about such a serious relationship.
If she says it’s getting serious, then I think it’s OK to say “I hope we can meet him soon”. You can tell her that you’re concerned about what you read so you’d like a chance to meet him to see what a wonderful guy he is, but that could backfire. You may just have to see how it plays out.
I think everyone is jumping on the OP a bit too harshly.
Her daughter has new mysterious boyfriend.
His father and mother may be involved, together, in multiple serious crimes of violence, I would assume. Perhaps spanning decades.
They lived in a remote off the grid type location.
The son has no social media or presence. No pictures. In this day and age.
Daughters version of events seem to be more of “he lost it in a bad way one day”, when the reality is bigger, more sinister pattern and family involvement. In a remote outpost lifestyle, potentially.
It’s worthy of a “look see”imho, over time.
As mentioned earlier, no need to worry OP but serious emotional scarring could be an issue to watch.
Under these factors, a mom just wanted to share some concerns. I believe it’s ok to talk things out and get some perspective.
And it’s not like the set of facts are not somewhat unusual.
@MomofWildChild it will be ok.
I was referring to @musicmom1215 post where she was ‘relieved’ when her son and the young lady who had some family issues broke up.
I really hate when others judge people on their social media presence. I rarely post on social media and I can count on one hand how many times I posted a picture of myself on social media.
Please stop judging others. It’s not healthy.
And especially don’t judge others on their parent’s actions and based on online gossip.
Judging isn’t the same as observation. It’s unusual that’s all. No one said it’s bad or good.
And not one post I’ve seen said to do anything or get involved. Most like myself seem to be saying to give the kid a chance but be aware.
There has been A LOT of judging on here. Again, who cares if somebody doesn’t post on social media? What does it have to with the child that their parent is a convicted felon? It’s not their fault.
Be aware of what? The kid did nothing wrong.
I have often thought about going off the grid for several reasons such as privacy (regardless of how private your account is, it does not keep people in your group from screen shotting and sharing your personal information). In addition social media can become addictive and take up a lot of valuable time if you don’t keep a handle on it. I keep it because it keeps me the life and in touch with family members including my adult children who are out of state and long distance. We have no idea why someone would choose to not be on social media. It doesn’t make them a bad or a suspicious person it’s just a personal decision.
Be aware of the emotional issues that be baggage for the young man. Incredibly abusive home life, which may or not be the case , can have long term emotional implications. The unavailability to connect. Distancing. Etc.
It’s not that the dads a felon. Good lord. That’s too wide of net.
It’s he’s been convicted of three and perhaps more over many years perhaps involving imho, violent felonies at a minimum. And the mom seems to have participated. They live in remote locale.
Do the math. It may be a bit more serious than he robbed a liquor store or stock fraud. That’s all. It might be he grew up in a, let’s say, unique and less than ideal home life.
Condemn the kid, of course not. Nothing to blame or condemn. He might be a wonderful kid.
And I really don’t care a hoot if he posts online or not. Other than here and email, I’m the same except for work.
So I would only suggest keep an eye out for any issues along those lines of being a good, attentive boyfriend is all. And to be available to my daughter if needed.
I would do that if he were a a Rhodes scholar as well. But this is just a bit new for the OP and not a picture to be shared. Just being aware. It’s practical.
When it comes to kids, I do not need to be fair.
People are naive to think some of our traits/behavior are not generic.