“which may or not be the case”
“It may be”
“perhaps more”
Again, stop judging.
You should always be available for your child if they are dating somebody who father is a convicted felon or if the father is a model citizen.
Well it’s seems you’re judging me. Which is a bit odd considering your post.
So we are square on that front.
I haven’t judged anybody.
This kid has done NOTHING wrong.
Are you a teenager? Because I can hear my teens’ voices in your replies 
Agreed. No one is saying the kid has done a thing.
But the simple act of telling a fellow poster to stop judging is in fact, judgement.
So let’s leave it at that and respect for each other’s opinions. Which are closer to being the same than you might imagine.
And sorry at @MomofWildChild I meant to “tag” @My3Kiddos earlier.
No, I’m in graduate school. A parent was actually the first person to say it’s sad people are judging.
No, it’s not the same.
If the OP’s daughter dated a guy who had parents who aren’t criminals, who takes pictures with her daugher, and who posts regularly on social media there would be no thread.
@privatebanker - no, my post wasn’t directed at you.
Ok. As a graduate student you know that’s it’s more nuanced than that, especially with moms and their kids.
Life isn’t black or white. It’s shades of grey.
It’s more often than not that people can have different opinions on a subject.
But thanks for the feedback and perceptive. Have a good night.
Seems like most are responding without knowing whether the SO in question is doing his best to avoid any entanglements in his parents’ shady activities, or is prone to getting entangled in them on an ongoing basis.
Nobody is saying people can have different opinions.
I judge people by their actions. I would NEVER judge a kid by their parent’s actions.
I guess you maybe have to completely understand what I am saying if you got judged a lot in your life. I have a soft spot for this guy because I would hate to be in his position.
I have been judged a lot on my life including: being a virgin, never drank alcohol, or smoke, don’t party, liking “girly” music or movies. I could go on, but I think you get the point.
None of those things means I’m a good or bad person.
Exactly.
Thank you all for lending your perspective. As a few people have noted, this isn’t a one time “flew off the handle” rage thing, or even a “had a few too many beers and killed a family drunk driving” situation. I wouldn’t be as concerned. This was national - and UK - news worthy. (Although I will admit I have no recollection of having heard about it before this week.)
My concern is what he was exposed to growing up and how that has affected him and how that might affect DD. As has been mentioned, PTSD, abuse, etc. can all impact someone’s ability to have strong, healthy relationships and DD won’t say whether he’s in counseling. What I get from her is what sounds like a rehearsed lie about the situation and that is concerning.
I will keep channels of communication open, and possibly try to make them more frequent as I think that’s all I can do.
I think your daughter just doesn’t want you to judge her boyfriend.
I really think it was a bad move to bring this up. You can’t judge the boyfriend until you meet him.
When D1 was in middle school, I thought one of her friend’s father was odd even though he was nothing but nice to D1. I kiddingly said he must be in the mafia based on the kind of business he was in (and how he always had a lot of cash on him). D1 accused me of being too judgmental. Later we found out he was indeed in the mafia and then became an informant to FBI(it was in the news). When I found out I forbidden D1 to go over to the friend’s house. D1 told me that I shouldn’t assume her friend was bad just because of her father. I said, “No, I just didn’t want you to be in the house if it should get blown up.” The father ended up going to jail and when he got out he hit the news again for endangering the daughter’s college friends.
My daughter was a lot younger than OP’s daughter, so I had a lot more control over what she was allowed to do. Even so, D1 was not happy with me, but if I didn’t take a stand then she could very well be one of those college friends (based on what was in the news, it was pretty awful for those kids).
I read the original post to mean something along the lines of dad killed someone and put him in the wood chipper to cover it up, and mom helped hide some of the evidence. If it’s something along those lines, that’s pretty shocking.
The fact that mom was peripherally involved, and son was isolated at home, would have me a bit worried about where he learned his socialization from.
My instinct would be to spend some time with this young man and hope to get to know him. If you don’t see any red flags, you can remain quiet.
Thinking back to when I was OP’s D’s age, and how my parents were generally reasonable people who didn’t try to control me or unduly influence me, if my parents had met my BF several times and then came to me in tears, saying that they love me and are very concerned about me because they noticed some very concerning things about my BF, I’d hear them out. And then I’d let the thought percolate and I’d consider their fears but all the while use my own judgment. But this is a one shot deal. As a parent you are spending huge amounts of credibility here.
The friend isn’t bad because her father was in the mafia. Just like the boyfriend isn’t bad because his parents are convicted felons.
The young man is a senior in college. Kudos to him. What ‘s his major? Any clubs etc?
OP - I would be concerned too. I hope you can meet this boy if the relationship continues so you can get a better sense for yourself.