<p>My daughter plans to get married in about two years and will live local. My husband will retire about three years after she gets married. He will be 55. His expectation is that he will provide childcare for daughter’s kids. God willing, he will be their little league coach and will be the one to take the kids to and from preschool and ballet. He can’t wait, but I am a little jealous. Not having to pay for childcare will be very good for daughter’s financial future.</p>
<p>^^
I would LOVE to take care of any future grandbabies. Like you, I’m totally in love with babies and little ones. I REALLY do not mind changing diapers, feedings, etc. Once H retires, we would move anywhere to be near our grandbabies.</p>
<p>*“allowing me to only need my mom two days a week.”</p>
<p>Every family who has been able to use this form of daycare is blessed beyond belief. *</p>
<p>I have said many times that working couples that have family/friends who can help with the childcare needs really have a wonderful advantage. Even if Granny can only take the little ones when they’re sick or when they have a school holiday, it really can make a difference.</p>
<p>My brother’s kids’ school had a “half day” every other Friday. For many working couples, that would have been a pain in the tush. But, for over 10 years, my parents would pick the kids up from school, take them to lunch, and the parents’ work wasn’t disturbed. My parents would also play “nurse” when any of them were sick and couldn’t go to school.</p>
<p>My husband is baby crazy too. I would like to be the one taking care of the babies this time, but I will still be working and this seems like a great situation for everyone. If he didnt have something to keep him occupied, my husband would probably get to weigh 500 pounds</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>lol…Babies do like to be walked in a stroller. That can help keep the lbs off.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>I think there are a number of us moms out there that can’t wait to get our hands on some grandbabies. Maybe we’re trying to recapture some lost moments, maybe (in my case) they weren’t able to have more babies…and here’s our chance! :)</p>
<p>I know, there are many folks that don’t want to do this and that’s totally cool. </p>
<p>However, when I’m out and about and I see Grands pushing grocery carts with babies in them, I can’t help but wish a bit. :)</p>
<p>My parents are pretty open about the fact that they both can’t and can wait to have grandkids. We know that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of my sister having a child but I want a child (maybe 2)… considering I’m only 22, they can wait on that one 
lol. </p>
<p>My dad is especially anxious. Because of his accident, he doesn’t actually remember raising children. For him, he’s <em>really</em> looking forward to recapturing that stage. I really hope to live close to my parents when I have a child, but I don’t know if it’s going to happen considering we want to live in two completely different areas and there aren’t a lot of jobs in my field where they want to retire to. But we’ll see. </p>
<p>One of my parents’ neighbors (who is just a few years older than me) is having a child… which is, funny enough, due on my dad’s birthday. She doesn’t have a lot of family and my parents are like foster parents to her… I think my parents are looking forward to the baby almost as much as the neighbor! lol</p>
<p>"In my view, the war on women is usually fought by other women. I felt judged by my friends and my choices. Maybe it was all in my head, but it did not feel like it at the time! "</p>
<p>You hit the nail on the head. My wife had the best of both worlds. She went into the office 3 days a week and telecommuted 2 days (starting in 1994 which was rare in those days). She often commented how she felt ostracized by the stay at home moms. The working mom’s simply envied her ability to be at home with the kids 2 days a week.</p>
<p>“But, the benefits are that my D has a good work ethic and she is taking care of herself financially( with a little help from me).”</p>
<p>Are you implying that the daughters of SAHMs are less likely to have good work ethics and become self-sufficient?</p>
<p>Straightshooter, I’m interested in what happened to make your wife feel ostracized by stay at home moms. What did they do, or not do?</p>
<p>Eastcoascrazy: Ever go to a cocktail where, in small talk, someone says, “Mrs. Ellebud what do you do for a living?” And with the sneer that women only give to each other, “I would go crazy staying home!”, “How do you fill your days?”…I had a wonderful snarky set or replies, but many don’t. Women are truly unkind to each other.</p>
<p>Some of that attitude is evident in this thread. It’s apparent in the desire of some posters to have women be allowed to contribute all of their talents and benefit society more fully with their abilities outside of the home. Sometimes, it’s a choice. A valid choice that is best for that family and a desire of the mom to be a full-time parent. It’s not always a sad state of affairs that requires some kind of societal correction. Believe it or not there are still a large number of women out there who feel very lucky to be SAHM’s. And that doesn’t mean there may not be some regrets, later.</p>
<p>Having done both, I can assure you that the comments go both ways. “Well, more power to you, but I just don’t see the point of having kids only to let someone else raise them.”</p>
<p>Yeah, sometimes no one is harder on women than other women.</p>
<p>Yep, straightshooter. It was such a weird thing - I had working moms tell me how lucky I was to be home and ask me to watch their kids, since one more kid wouldn’t be too much “trouble”. </p>
<p>One family asked me to watch their infant and toddler 40 hours a week, for the hourly wage of $1.80, including providing meals for their kids. This was in early to mid-90’s, when I had three kids under five. I said no. They were shocked. It wasn’t worth it, and while I have no idea what day care ran in those days, I know that this family was trying to take advantage of me. I made more in my college waitressing job in pre-tip wages. I made more ten years before as a teenager working minimum wage. It was insulting. </p>
<p>I was asked by one working mom to bring her sick kids to doctor, orthodontist, pick up a few groceries. I declined, but still ended up picking her son up after school almost every day. </p>
<p>Most parents, working or flex-time or stay at home or whatever situation they have envied the other side. I would have welcomed adult conversation, but found when going out socially that working moms, once they found out I was a stay at home mom, didn’t think I had anything valuable to add to conversation. Oh, that’s nice for you. How lucky you are! </p>
<p>The reality was I never had a vacation day, was exhausted with child care duties and threw myself into raising the kids… Te only exercise I got was pushing a stroller around. I did the dishes and the taxes and diaper duty, cooking and cleaning and shopping, straightening the house constantly, trying to engage with young children, library trips and park visits and going to the museum. Getting them ready for pre-school, and then kindergarten, whole giving them free time to play and learn. I tried to enrich their lives, but in reality, felt unenriched, myself. My H was tired from work and those years were kind of brutal. It was my job. A not easy one, with little respect by those who weren’t doing exactly the same thing. </p>
<p>I hope it will be easier on my kids when they have children and have to figure out how to manage work and family. I am happy to help if we live close enough. It was not always easy.</p>
<p>You know, sometimes I am kind of glad that the housework has had to be so skewed in my fiance’s direction the last year so he WILL know how much work it is to prepare a meal, straighten up the house, run all the errands, etc and so forth. I am taking over most of that stuff next year but our current lifestyle necessitates that he do most of it-- mostly because he is less busy than I am but part of it because he was ungrateful for the parts I was doing so I stopped doing them. He complains NON-STOP and I have to keep coaching him through it and say, “it’s only five more months” so I guess I will be able to remind him of this when he gets home from work and is upset that I didn’t get more done. We argued for a year about how I never seem to get the seventh load of laundry of the day folded and put away before bed on Sunday night, and it took MONTHS of him completely botching the laundry and never getting to loads 2-7 before he realized he wasn’t being reasonable. He wouldn’t admit it for that long. He would never learn if I didn’t make him do some of these things himself for a while and see how long it really takes.</p>
<p>My parents offered to basically be full-time childcare for us, and in fact also offered to be puppy daycare. My mom seems intent on having a nursery in her house for my babies. This came as kind of a shock to me because though I was very close with my grandparents, they very seldom babysat and would never have acted as childcare even if my parents needed it, I think. I don’t know where this came from and I think I’d feel almost guilty accepting that kind of generosity and feel like I shouldn’t count on them following through, it isn’t their responsibility. If it works out I would love it if they are that available for my kids, even if we don’t need them full time. But it is really a novel concept for me. I never imagined in my wildest dreams we’d have this option.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>SOME women- just like SOME men. I’m really sorry this has been your experience.</p>
<p>It’s not unusual. It’s almost pity. The SAHM’s choice is not respected by professional women. If we can’t agree on that this is hopeless.</p>
<p>There are women in their 20’s doing this today. And they will face the same issues in 20 years. More opportunities for women almost makes this one worse. IMHO.</p>
<p>Yes, but I reject the ideas that Bev has put forth that women can’t be trusted, that they always have some ulterior motive, and that women in general are unkind to each other. It’s just ridiculous. Of course there are some women that fit this description. I also do not doubt that sometimes women can be their own worst enemy- but I reject the idea that all (or even a majority of) women are like this.</p>
<p>Romani, </p>
<p>I even had other moms criticize my childbirth choices. Oh, you did Lamazee? Bradley is so much better for the child. Oh, you took pain relief during childbirth? Wow. I would never have done this to my child. </p>
<p>Okay, then. My kid was nearly double the size at birth and you were pre-term, but you are right Susie. You are better than I am. </p>
<p>You nursed for only six months? Well, it is better to nurse for 12 months, 18 months, 2 years, until child is in kindergarten…</p>
<p>You sent your child to public school instead of private? </p>
<p>You sent your child to kinder before age 5? </p>
<p>These conversations never, ever came from men. Not once. Nor was my H judged by male friends over these choices.</p>
<p>My need to work was not respected by women of my acquaintance or even family members. The women around me were judgmental to me and cruel to my children because working outside the home was not an accepted choice here at that time. However it always amused me when my sister complained about housework. Who did she think cleaned my house or did the laundry? Me, that is who and often in the middle of the night before going to work. Thankfully, my husband was happy to help andi learned early to lower my standards!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>zoosermom, I have a friend whose husband does this for their son’s child and he absolutely loves it. He’s been the primary for childcare since the mom returned to work, and he’s 18 months old now. They are expecting their second and he plans to continue with that one, too. It can be a wonderful experience for all when it works well.</p>
<p>My mom was our childcare goddess. She had the kids three days a week from about 1 to 6 pm and really set the gold standard. The kids had the best time ever with her and they are all still incredibly close to her. At the time, I was worried that they wouldn’t know who was mom, but that was ridiculous. My husband wants to follow her model, but those kids will be in little league the first year they qualify!</p>