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<p>Yes, that works for people in a career or at least decent paying job. It doesn’t work for the mother who’s working at/near minimum wage (which is a LOT of young mothers).</p>
<p>Even for people who make minimum wage, it is better to have a job than not have one. I think Walmart would prefer to hire a cashier with experience than without one, and I think they also do promote cashiers. What is a career anyway, it is just a longer term job.</p>
<p>Really, the low wage young mom doesn’t have much to loose by choosing to stay home instead. In fact, between taxes and child care staying home usually makes more economic sense. And it can be really fun! I would suggest a plan for the future though. Part-time school while the kids are growing up has worked nicely for some friends. Otherwise, you could be in big trouble in 20 years.</p>
<p>No experience is needed for a cashier job. They just have to like you. But in your 50’s getting hired is no walk in the park even at Wal-Mart.</p>
<p>I understand what you’re saying, OF, but it can often cost MORE to put your kid in daycare than you’re going to make. You’re losing money. </p>
<p>I understand thinking long term, but if you’re losing money from week to week and you’re living on the edge, you’re not thinking of the long-term because you can’t even pay your bills at the end of the week.</p>
<p>When economy is tough, getting hired as a cashier is not easy and keeping it is tough sometimes too. Employers use their transaction data to track how fast cashiers ring up their customers, so I think it is more than if someone is likable.</p>
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We are talking about people having babies, right? So the better thing would be for someone to quite the job to stay home with the baby when she couldn’t even pay the bills? Are we going to get into the discussion of welfare?</p>
<p>I’m not just making this up. Right now, it’s Christmas hiring season and plenty of people with no previous experience will get these jobs if they show up at the right time and look nice and click with the interviewer. It’s not brain surgery. And roughly 1/3 of them could be hired on permanently.</p>
<p>Now, if you have small children and are living on the edge things go wrong that complicate the child care situation. Kids get sick and with no reliable back-up there will be problems. I’m sticking with it’s not worth it for that type of job.</p>
<p>Oh, and I’m assuming there is a husband to actually pay bills.</p>
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<p>Perhaps psychiatry offers lifestyle; family medicine offers neither lifestyle nor salary, that’s why the residency is less competitive.</p>
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<p>I agree, Flossy. And it perpetuates the “race to the bottom” when people work for unsustainable wages. If the cashier could make a living wage working as a cashier, she might be able to hire someone to take care of her kids for a few hours after school or when her husband (if he exists) is not around. Then both she and the sitter make money. Win-win.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, right now we have a situation in which the working poor have to go on public assistance to make ends meet. IMO this will never change as long as people allow their time to be devalued.</p>
<p>kelsmom, you’re not a loser in life! Though you may be stuck with a culture that does not help you value the choices you made. </p>
<p>Such an interesting discussion. I feel like a poster child for the flexible work schedule and staying in the workforce. Nursing is ideal for that purpose, though the demands on time can be very hard to merge with family life. </p>
<p>I started my current job 8 months pregnant with my first, after a move. In the last 29 years, have worked part time, in the float pool, flexed up and down, and work more now than ever, when many of my friends are retiring. I’ll be working for many years to come, because I did work so minimally when my kids were young, and felt then, as now, that those were the important years. Retirement might be fun, but time with the kids felt essential. We have very lean years when I was first divorced. However, as I always was on the payroll, seniority kept increasing, which has kept me well in step with those accumulating seniority with long hours. </p>
<p>I have always trusted the women around me, and can’t imagine not doing so. My female friends have been my lifeline. However I do think there are a variety of subcultures in this country, and feel for those in one less supportive.</p>
<p>great lakes mom beat me to the comment, but I was also going to say to kelsmom #77, you are not a loser in life! If you bring up a child or children well, you are definitely a winner! And it is great to have the opportunity to enjoy your children when they are young. All choices have trade-offs (generally made by women, ahem), and I realize that there have been some trade-offs for you. But you are by no means a loser!</p>
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<p>Depending on how you go about it, family medicine can indeed offer lifestyle–you can definitely opt out of having any call, for example. Regardless, the general ranking of residency competitiveness is highly correlated with salary, not lifestyle.</p>
<p>The SAHM debate is a massive one, and there are all kinds of people out there ready to chuck bombs, there are the ones who think SAHM’s are people who have somehow ‘let down’ the cause of feminism and achievement of women in the workplace, with women claiming you can have it all and such (which is a load of crap, working women at any level make compromises, any lifestyle has pros and cons, and to claim to have it all is to go against what reality is)…then of course we have other end of the spectrum, the ones who claim that working moms are selfish,hedonistic, materialistic people who opt out of staying at home with the kids because they want the big house, car, etc (and yeah, there are working moms like that, but most working moms work because these days family finances depend on it for basic lifestyle stuff). There is all kinds of ideological wars brewing around it, and it is sad, because in the end we should be supporting people in what they feel they need to do, not chucking bombs. </p>
<p>I also agree that being an SAHM is kind of a scary thing (and note, I am talking as the spouse of a SAHM), because it makes someone very dependent, and can help cut out the means of support a mom might have if they do have to face the loss of a spouse, through divorce or death or serious injury. Too, it can be hard because a SAHM could have worked hard on getting a degree, then find that they never are able to use it. Going back to work when the kids are in school are an option, but then you face issues like when a child is sick, or vacations and summer, so it is never easy.</p>
<p>I am not surprised there are regrets, speaking as the spouse who is the breadwinner, it would be nice to live in a way where because of financial obligations we can’t do the things other families often do, we haven’t had a formal vacation in years, we don’t drive fancy cars or whatnot, and I would love to have an additional 5k rolling around I could use to get a permanent generator for my house, but it isn’t going to happen anytime soon, I would love to not have to worry when an appliance goes or hire someone to fix things I routinely do, but that is the price you pay for it.and it would be nice to having two salaries to allow us to save more for retirement, but it is part of the deal. </p>
<p>In our case the SAHM role pretty much ended up lasting until our S went until college, and now my wife is figuring out what she wants to do. To be honest, with a job it may be that going back to work wouldn’t be fulfilling for her, and she is using the time now to catch up on a lot of things that just never seemed to happen before our S was away, like getting into shape again or fixing the house up or whatnot, and in many ways she deserves to have that time, she did yeoman duty with our son and the craziness that is being a music student…and I can only hope that her regrets are like mine, wishes we wished we could do, but not the kind that turns to bitterness:).</p>
<p>Bitterness is really a sad and corrosive emotion. I hope SAHPs never become bitter, just as I hope no one is bitter about being a breadwinner or the many choices each of us makes in our journey through life. I never wanted to guilt-trip my kids or spouse by what I gave up for them. I tried to make choices joyfully and grateful to have good options to choose among. I was fine with doing more for those who couldn’t due to whatever reasons and am glad that I, H, and the kids all appear to have no regrets and count our blessings. </p>
<p>Life is always about making the best choices we can with the info and resources we have at the time. If we spend our time and energy with regrets, we can’t build our present or futures.</p>
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<p>Well put, HImom.</p>
<p>^ agree.</p>
<p>And I don’t consider anyone here a loser, we are just people who made the choices we did based on our own circumstances.</p>
<p>Something I have not seen mentioned (although I touched upon it in prior post) is the role of family support. Many (though by no means all) of the families that I know in which both parents worked when the kids were young had some sort of family support. Not necessarily full time, but a grandparent or other family member who lived nearby and was able and willing to “pinch hit” when needed. One of my very closest friends had this situation and freely admits that it would have been impossible to do otherwise. In my case had I had this (not an option as family is 800 miles away), I would likely have continued working.</p>
<p>“Some of us stay at homes are now seeing the next generation struggle with this and without the choice. Two of my close friends’ daughters are the primary bread winners of their family which means they have to work for the family to have a middle/upper middle income.”</p>
<p>Men have the pressure of being primary breadwinners all the time, but no one feels sorry for them over it.</p>
<p>FallGirl- I would tell my D to not be a SAHM and that is because my wife and I will be able to help her. I agree with your point that without family help it becomes much more difficult and very expensive.</p>
<p>Good article about the cost of child care in the US. My niece is struggling with this right now (baby is due in January.) It will cost her over half her salary after taxes (she works for a non profit) just for day care for one child (she lives in NYC.) They would like to have a second child in a few years. There are no grandparents to help - they all work, and the closest set is an hour away - in good traffic. </p>
<p><a href=“Choosing Child Care When You Go Back to Work - The New York Times”>Choosing Child Care When You Go Back to Work - The New York Times;
<p>When our first born came, H and I had a discussion about work v SAH. We decided I would take a year off, then see. I turned in my resignation paper on a Friday (not eligible for leave, not enough time on job). The following Monday, he was laid off. It took him 6 months to find another job, but it paid only about 60% of the previous one. 6 months after that, the old place called him back. Through it all, we decided that I would go back after a year and stay, since I would have more job security, and that in his unstable field, he would SAH if necessary. </p>
<p>We lived below our incomes all the time, stashed away all the time, went through 2 more lay-offs, but he had also gone back to school PT, as did I. It was rough for many years, but now I am retiring comfortably in June. He can retire when he wants.</p>
<p>One can’t tell what might be around the corner, but just do the best one can.</p>
<p>kelsmom, you are not a loser!!</p>