I would almost equate not bothering with wine at Thanksgiving with not bothering with the turkey! In my world it’s an important part of the meal. It’s important in my religion, too.
I have never had any guests like some of the ones described. That is very rude behavior.
Never have had anyone give us a really special bottle of wine. Just ordinary red or white. Sometimes, if it’s spur of the moment come to dinner we open their bottle after ours is funished or if they ask what to bring and I say wine, we drink what they bring and open what have if we need more. If I have a few couples over it is not unusual for us to go through several bottles of wine.
It is not that they HAVE to have a glass of wine, but their bringing a bottle signals that they’d probably LIKE one. It’s a bit rude to ignore that, especially when you have the bottle right there.
It would be less rude to say, “Oh, we don’t serve alcohol in our home. Why don’t you keep the bottle and enjoy it at your next dinner.” Or if someone said, “it is a long story but we are not to going to be able to open this tonight,” then I’d understand there was a reason. Again, you can do whatever you want in your own home, so you dont have to offer it or say anything if you don’t want to.
Of course if it is a big dinner and there wouldn’t be enough for everyone, it is a different story.
If you weren’t planning to serve dessert, and someone showed up with a cake, wouldn’t you offer to serve it? I would, and I don’t like cake.
It wouldn’t occur to me to think, “These poor people can’t even make it through a single meal without cake. Well, I’m not going to indulge their problem; it is their problem not mine.”
"What did you do @BunsenBurner ?
If the person truly would not sit at the table with the dead bird, I suppose I’d tell them they are welcome to read a book in the other room while we eat! What else could you say at that point?"
The person (kid’s almost adult friend) ended up sitting on the couch with a pack of crackers and some carrots. The “dead bird” was a grilled chicken breast dish, and there were plenty of vegan fixings offered. I hope the person outgrew the food tantrum stage eventually.
We also had a Baptist guest once who objected to us opening the wine we were planning to serve with the dinner - he was not the only guest, and no one planned to pour wine down his throat forcefully. 
The other guests’ jaws dropped, and the folks listened with their mouths open to his long lecture on the ills of alcohol.
IMO, unless they ask and you tell them bring wine - I see the wine as a gift to the hosts to drink when they wish. That is how I see it when I bring a bottle to dinner party.
Busdriver, that is just awful.
"Also, if the bottle someone brings over if much better than what I am serving, I would definitely open it, even if I had carefully planned wine and food pairings.
In my mind, it would be the height of rudeness not to open a really special bottle"
Here’s the thing, though. Since I (rarely) drink and am not into alcohol, I have no clue whatsoever if what you’re handing me is a Very Special Bottle or junk. I won’t go “oooh, a bottle of Blah Blah Blah from 2001, what a treat.” It all looks the same to me and frankly it all tastes the same to me. If you asked me to identify Chardonnay, Cabernet, Chablis, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Zinfandel, Chianti, which of those are red and which are white – I might not get them all. I’m sure I’ve been told, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t know, and I don’t care that I don’t know. If I wanted to know more, I’d invest the time to learn about it, but I simply don’t.
If other people want to know a lot about wine – great, enjoy, have at it, terrific - in fact, I have an old friend who writes a wine blog (it’s called TheWineyMom). If you want to serve 15 different bottles of wine at your party and you’re picky about what goes with what – terrific! Have fun! But why should alcohol be so important to me that I should have to know a lot about it or appreciate it? THAT’s the part I kind of resent about “alcohol culture.”
I don’t agree with this at all. It is a gift for the table. I can’t even wrap my head around this thinking, honestly. They are choosing to share their special bottle with you and therefore it is a gift to you. Whether you like it or not is a different story.
And just who are you going to regift that bottle of (say) grand cru burgundy to, anyway? It makes my head hurt just thinking about it!
(This is in connection with a really special bottle. You will know it is a soecial bottle because they will tell you, " This is a special bottle." For every day wine, I wouldn’t necessarily open it if I had something else planned.)
This is interesting and enlightening to me. I never really figured that if someone brought a bottle of wine, they were signaling they really, really wanted to have at least some wine (whether my own or their bottle) at dinner. I saw it more as a token hostess gift for the hostess to use later, the same way people might bring a box of chocolates or a set of soaps or candles. After all, when I re-gift those wines, I’m not telling the hostess I want her to open that bottle
Luckily I think it’s probably been a few years since anyone brought me a bottle of wine in the first place, so I haven’t been inadvertently offending all you lushes! (Just KIDDING)
I do feel somewhat compelled when I go out with people and I don’t order a drink that it’s not a moral objection, I just don’t like it (for the most part). I’m certainly not judging (unless they get sloshed, of course!).
“And just who are you going to regift that bottle of (say) grand cru burgundy to, anyway? It makes my head hurt just thinking about it!”
I don’t know. Is grand cru burgundy something I shouldn’t even let my worst enemy drink, or is it the nectar of the gods and akin to handing out Faberge eggs or diamond necklaces as hostess gifts?
I just went and checked. I have 7 bottles of wine on hand (I didn’t know I had that many). All of them appear to be gifts that my H has received from either patients or other physicians. I have no idea if they are “good” or not. I’ll just give them away as I get invited to holiday parties! Anyone want some?!
If this was Thanksgiving, I would think they would EXPECT to see a turkey 
Re 209: You added the “really really” to my “like”; it is more just common sense. If someone brings a box of chocolates – which I don’t particularly like – and I didn’t already have dessert planned, I’d put the chocolates on the table at the end of the meal. I’d figure, they probably like chocolate, why else would they bring it? But I guess I could be wrong about that, given the discussion of regifting on this thread!
I might or might not set out the chocolates - it just all depends. If it’s a large holiday party and the chocolates are wrapped, there might just be a pile of hostess gifts that they don’t get to unwrap til after the party is over anyway.
I think I need a drink after reading this thread Too bad I’m currently on a medication where I can’t drink even if I wanted to!!
I might not serve the cake either - though tbh, only time I would serve it is if they asked what they can bring and I said, dessert. No one has just ever brought a cake or other dessert unless specifically asked to. I have gotten chocolates and I consider that also a gift to the hosts. I may put them out or may not, depending on what dessert I am serving.
I always ask what I can bring when we are invited to dinner at someone’s home. Is that just me or does everyone do that? If they say nothing I don’t expect them to serve what I bring. It’s intended to be a gift to the hosts for having us to dinner.
That’s how I see it as well. To me, there’s a difference between showing up with a hostess gift (the intent of which is for the host to open / use / deal with later) and showing up with the food / dessert that you were “assigned” (for lack of a better term) - such as a Thanksgiving dinner where this person brings the stuffing, that person brings the pie, etc.
“If someone brings a box of chocolates – which I don’t particularly like – and I didn’t already have dessert planned, I’d put the chocolates on the table at the end of the meal. I’d figure, they probably like chocolate, why else would they bring it? But I guess I could be wrong about that, given the discussion of regifting on this thread”
Ha! I just brought Frango mints to someone’s house as a hostess for dinner (I know they looooove Frango mints; I think they’re overrated and no big deal, personally). I certainly didn’t intend for them to open / eat them, and I certainly didn’t intend them to be for MY enjoyment. How is that a hostess gift?
(Frango mints were from the old Marshall Field’s, now Macy’s. They’re a big deal to people who are from Chicago and still miss the old Marshall Field’s. I think they taste like every single other chocolate mint on the marketplace.)
@busdriver11, I cannot even imagine how I would handle a guest like the one you describe in #190. His behavior is so outrageously rude. But I would be really upset with my H if he was complicit in this behavior by even eating one bite of the food that this “guest” went out and purchased. Not only would I not invite this person again, I would cross him off as a friend.
That’s hysterical. Guess you didn’t “rate” enough for the steak? What a horse’s ass!
Ha ha, my sister brought some Frango mints to a dinner party I had last December. She had been in Chicago and had been swayed by the lavish display at the store and by everyone saying how great they were. She is not the type to buy chocolates at a department store, so it must have been very effective marketing. We opened them after dinner and everyone was perplexed as to why they were so beloved since they seemed so ordinary.
Like anything else, I’m sure for people who have had them year after year since childhood there are strong associations in their brains with layers of happy times, which is why they love them.