"Like thumper, I say thank you and put it on a shelf. Most likely it will wind up regifted, but they don’t need to know that. "
You might consider rethinking that policy. It would be rather annoying bringing a couple of delicious bottles of wine over, the host puts them away, and then doesn’t serve any alcoholic beverages at all. It’s a different story if they are serving another type of wine, but otherwise, I’d think that’s kind of weird. I’d understand why if there were people with alcohol problems, otherwise, just to regift it and offer nothing? Seems rude.
“I am with busdriver. When I host an event, in my home or elsewherre, I try to think about the enjoyment of my guests. I ask about and dietary restricitions or concerns. One year we hosted a Thanksgiving dinner that had to include vegan, vegetarian, gluten free and kosher needs. Since we did a pot luck, most brought what they could eat, but we also were sure to make, have (and label) what foods were gluten free, kosher, vegan, etc. As an aside, couldnt find a kosher turkey big enough for the crowd (tried several stores) and even if I could, the cost was prohibitive!!”
Now that is a lot of work to please your guests, I hope they appreciated the effort to make sure everyone was happily fed!
It was a challenge, but went fine. This year the only concerns are nut allergies and an issue with cinnamon, but those are my family members, not guests!
What do you do if one of the invited guests shows up and loudly says no foods that he/she objects to for religious or personal reasons should be served - to anyone. Happened to us once. The person could not be at the table where others were eating a “dead bird.”
Honestly I have never had that happen. Our regular Thanksgiving guests include a couple who do not drink due to personal reasons as well as someone who is vegetarian. None of these people have ever told us what food/drinks we can not serve, they simply avoid the ones that they do not eat/drink.
I agree that if someone brings a bottle of wine to dinner and you are serving no wine at all, it is rude not to open the bottle. You don’t have to open it – it is your house and you can do what you want, but it is not gracious not to at least offer. The person giving the bottle could always say, “No it is for you to enjoy later.”
Also, if the bottle someone brings over if much better than what I am serving, I would definitely open it, even if I had carefully planned wine and food pairings.
In my mind, it would be the height of rudeness not to open a really special bottle that someone brought since they’d also probably like to taste it. (And, in my experience, if someone brings a special bottle and you don’t recognize it as such, they will kindly tell you, “It’s a special bottle.”)
In thinking about it, I think people often want to open the bottle they’ve brought, especially if they are into wine, even if it is not an expensive bottle.
If someone brings wine that I don’t plan to serve, I will generally leave it on an accessible counter and even if there are other wines being served, often at some point the person who brought the wine will get their bottle from the counter and say, “Let’s try this.” That’s fine with me.
I think the rudest thing I’ve had happen at my home was when a guest asked what we had for dinner, and after I rattled off the litany of what we had…pork, chicken, flatbread pizza, salad, rice, appetizers, cheese, etc, he said “My daughter won’t eat any of that.” He proceeded to the store to buy her macaroni and cheese (though I said I had plenty of little kid food I could make, like noodles and chicken tenders), and brought back steak and potatoes for himself and my husband. He kindly brought me a potato, also. Cooked it himself down at our fire pit outside, with an entire table full of food in our dining room. I guess he just wanted what he wanted, how and when he wanted it. My poor husband, he’s a well done steak sort of guy, and the steak was cooked to rare. I stayed pleasant, to not bring attention to rude and controlling behavior, but I decided, never again, as anything I provide will not be adequate.
I was once at the home at a truly fantastic chef who served an amazing multi-course meal and who has made spectacular-looking vegetarian alternatives for the one vegetarian at the table, the new girlfriend of one of our old friends. She greeted every course that had been made especially for her with, “Ewwww I can’t eat that …” It was mortifying. She was just a horrible person.
That couple was invited to my house a couple of times after that incident ( before they broke up.) I flat out told her boyfriend to have her bring her own food since she wouldn’t be able to eat what we are serving.
Do you find yourself choosing dinner guests based on their food preferences? I do. I can understand and accommodate food allergies and I’ll make an effort to ask about allergies or strong dislikes to my guests. But if you are an extremely picky eater, I’m probably not going to be having you over for dinner. I’m a better than average cook but I’m not a restaurant and won’t put up with your special diet of the month, or the list of 30 things you won’t eat.
@busdriver11’s story above is so tacky and she handled it better than I would have.
I don’t cook much, but I have a few dishes I make. We invited a couple over once and the dish I made had tarragon in it. It was the main course. The wife announced that she doesn’t eat tarragon. O cant recall how we resolved it, but it, but it was a little awkward.
If the person truly would not sit at the table with the dead bird, I suppose I’d tell them they are welcome to read a book in the other room while we eat! What else could you say at that point?
We have a relative on the spectrum and he is very picky about what he eats. Have to have chicken nuggets or chicken tenders at all times. But they aren’t as brash as the rude busdriver houseguests. Not sure I’d have happily let them return!
It was pretty awful, doschicos. You have to try really hard to offend me, but this one was so rude, it even bothered me. My husband had mentioned having him over again, and I say, “Sure. Of course, I will be gone, whenever it is that he comes over!”
“I was once at the home at a truly fantastic chef who served an amazing multi-course meal and who has made spectacular-looking vegetarian alternatives for the one vegetarian at the table, the new girlfriend of one of our old friends. She greeted every course that had been made especially for her with, “Ewwww I can’t eat that …” It was mortifying. She was just a horrible person.”
Unbelievable! Glad they broke up, you’d have to try hard to be that rude.
“You might consider rethinking that policy. It would be rather annoying bringing a couple of delicious bottles of wine over, the host puts them away, and then doesn’t serve any alcoholic beverages at all. It’s a different story if they are serving another type of wine, but otherwise, I’d think that’s kind of weird. I’d understand why if there were people with alcohol problems, otherwise, just to regift it and offer nothing? Seems rude.”
But this is the crux of the difference here. I / we don’t think alcohol is “important” enough that it HAS to be served at any given dinner, or that there’s some “miss” if it’s not there. If you bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift, and you get all annoyed because you can’t make it through a single dinner without wine? That’s where I start thinking - that’s the person with the problem, not me.
“In my mind, it would be the height of rudeness not to open a really special bottle that someone brought since they’d also probably like to taste it. (And, in my experience, if someone brings a special bottle and you don’t recognize it as such, they will kindly tell you, “It’s a special bottle.”)”
Then it’s not really a hostess gift for me, is it? It’s a “gift” for themselves because they want to enjoy a bottle of wine.
In which case if they want to bring it in and say “we’d like to open and enjoy this wine for dinner,” then whatever, that’s fine. I’d have to dig around for a corkscrew, though (I’m not even sure I have one), and they’re going to have to open it, since I’d probably push the cork down and ruin the whole thing.
This is all pretty moot, though, since we don’t really have any kind of lifestyle of entertaining other couples on any kind of regular basis. It’s just family at holidays for the most part. And then going to holiday parties where we can regift the wines being given to us
