Rehearsal dinner without alcohol? Perhaps signature mocktails?

Wow, @alh! You are a true hostess, considerately prepared for any guest. I’m coming over!

Non drinker here. When I go to certain friend’s houses, I bring my one beverages…a bottle of,seltzer, some iced tea, some sparkling cider, etc…because if I don’t, I would be drinking water only. I’m not a soda drinker, and I’m nit an alcohol drinker. It’s just easier to BMOB.

Alh is much more gracious than I (well, that goes without saying). I don’t stock all those things on hand.

Both of my BILs have had alcohol problems - both come from families with a propensity to drink too much - and prefer to abstain because it makes it easiest for them to stay on the wagon. While they wouldn’t “object” if other people around them had a glass of wine with dinner, it’s just another reason not to bother with it at Thankagiving or similar holidays. Everyone else is totally happy with regular soft drinks. Maybe I’ll do some kind of sparkling cider or juice for Tgiving.

Here’s a question. What do the non drinkers who don’t serve alcohol do when your guest brings over a bottle of wine? I wouldn’t be caught dead without bringing a bottle of good wine for a visit, unless I knew the hosts were anti-alcohol. Do you serve it, or stick it in the pantry?

When guests bring wine to my house, I assume it is a hostess gift for me to use at some later time. I don’t serve it with my meal, unless I planned to serve the same kind of wine anyway.

I say “thank you” and put it on a shelf.

For the holidays, we serve a sparking cranberry-apple non-alcoholic champagne. It’s a very pretty red, and tasty too.

I do serve wine at my house when I have guests for dinner. But it’s not an open bar of “choose what you want”. And when I’ve hosted baby showers or other larger events, wine is not usually served.

Like thumper, I say thank you and put it on a shelf. Most likely it will wind up regifted, but they don’t need to know that. My H receives bottles of wine / nice alcohol from patients, too. He smiles and says thank you. It’s still a nice, well meant gesture. Why should they know or care that he doesn’t really drink it? It’s like any gift, really - what do you do with a Starbucks gift card if you don’t like coffee - or a dried fruit and nut tray if you don’t like nuts - you wind up giving it to someone.

I am with busdriver. When I host an event, in my home or elsewherre, I try to think about the enjoyment of my guests. I ask about and dietary restricitions or concerns. One year we hosted a Thanksgiving dinner that had to include vegan, vegetarian, gluten free and kosher needs. Since we did a pot luck, most brought what they could eat, but we also were sure to make, have (and label) what foods were gluten free, kosher, vegan, etc. As an aside, couldnt find a kosher turkey big enough for the crowd (tried several stores) and even if I could, the cost was prohibitive!!

So as for alcohol, I agree with those who say its probably a bigger deal for the wedding than the rehearsal dinner, but if its an option to consider looking for other options, if time allows, it might be worth considering.

My DS just got married this past summer and the venue they selected (where all events were held) allowed only wine and beer. No hard liquor. Dont know if anyone asked about liquor,but it wasnt there and people seemed to be just fine with the beverages offered.

I guess it’s a different philosophy then. I always break out whatever my guests bring, even if it doesn’t work with what I’m serving. I don’t want them to think I’m disapproving or unimpressed with what they brought. For example, someone brought over an apple pie from QFC, that I could tell was pretty yucky. We had two of these luscious desserts made by our local amazing bakery, and we just put it all out there at the same time, for people to choose. If I bring something, I know it’s appreciated and liked if people eat or drink it, otherwise, I figure they’ll just toss it when we leave.

However, my philosophy is to just have tons of different foods, so everyone, even picky eaters are happy. Not to serve a specific wine pairing or fancy meal. I’m just not that good a cook. I also understand food aversions, and have gone over to people’s houses where they have only served a few items, and choked it down while pretending how great it is.

Once got a bar of fruitcake as a gift, many years ago. I’ll bet that thing is still being regifted!!

We have someone who needs gluten free at our TG dinner. So in addition to the turkey and cranberry and vegetables, there is a particular gluten free side dish we know this person loves, as well as a flourless chocolate cake and a gluten free apple pie. I guess I just don’t see providing alcohol in the same vein as providing food someone with a dietary restriction can eat.

I do have to say that while I truly don’t care if others around me have a drink or two, I think below the surface I do have a dislike of “alcohol culture” that informs how I feel and why I don’t bother to become informed about it or make a special effort to procure it. I don’t really know where it comes from as again my parents drank socially and not to excess by any means, so it’s not a reaction to alcoholic parents or something.

As I mentioned up thread, both of my BILs have had issues in the past. My sister’s H comes from a family where many members drink too much and he made a conscious decision years ago (before he met my sister) to go straight. So in their house, he requests no alcohol because he just doesn’t need the temptation and there is a clear familial tendency where one glass leads to ten and there is trouble. This is no big deal at all for my sister not to have alcohol in her house - every now and then she’ll have a glass of wine out at dinner with her girlfriends and that’s about the end of it. My parents are also the take- it- or-leave-it types.

I have another friend whose H has had a drinking problem, and she continues to have alcohol in the house because she doesn’t want to give up her several-times-a-week glass of wine. I don’t think that’s very nice, personally, and I can’t help but think there’s a problem when someone can’t easily give up a glass of wine or thinks it’s a big deal when it’s not served.

And hey as a teenager I had plenty of bourbon slushes that my parents made / served to neighbors at our pool! So it was never forbidden fruit to me.

I think there is a big difference between deciding to serve a bottle or two of wine with your dinner at home, and deciding to have an open bar at a rehearsal dinner…or even drinks for that size group. As all of you know…the cost of one glass of wine in a restaurant is what the total bottle likely cost the restaurant. Serving unlimited alcohol at a dinner at a venue can really add to the cost…and for some, this is a consideration as well.

I consider the desires of my guests, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go out and fully stock a bar of liquor because my guests might like that. Anyone coming to my home knows I don’t have that sort of stuff around.

No one is going to die having to go to one or two dinners without alcohol being served…even if they usually have a glass of wine wine very meal.

There seem to be 2 different conversations going on here. I might use a different set of parameters hosting a rehearsal dinner than hosting a couple or 2 at my home for dinner. We have liquor in the cabinet, but honestly can’t recall the last time it was touched or served. Usually serve wine, water, soft drinks and coffee. But if someone asked for a drink that required hard liquor, ,we’d happily offer it (assuming we had the ingredients and someone knew how to fix the drink. I surely don’t. Can do on the rocks, but thats about it).

When someone brings food, we serve it. Often we already have a bottle or red and/or white (depending on the # of guests) already open, so would be less likely to open another bottle, so would also say “thanks” and keep it on the table with the other beverages. One guest at past thanksgivings would bring the type of wine they liked and would open it. Fine by me.

I think this is a different scenario than planning a wedding rehearsal dinner.

As an aside, we happened to attend a party last night at someone’s house. They had a bartender and a pretty well stocked bar, most of which was not touched. There were 2 specialty drinks being offered, and most seemed to have one of those or a beer, or water or a soft drink… Don’t recall seeing anyone having a hard drink, and when I asked for a glass of wine, she said I was the first to do so. It was a lovely, intimate party.

I’m not very good at making mixed drinks either, kind of clueless on that. However most people seem happy with wine or beer, and generally tend to bring that over. In fact, that’s a way to let guests off the hook as far as bringing something. When they ask what they can bring, we say whatever they like, but wine or beer would be great. Makes it very easy for them.

When guests bring wine I rarely serve it as I already have the wine I have chooses to serve. I just say thank you.

Serving alcohol at a function outside the home is expensive, which is why at showers there is usually not an open bar.

I had a glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay while out to dinner last night. It was $11. That is about what I pay for a bottle of wine I buy in liquor store to serve at home. But when we go out for nice dinner I enjoy having a glass with my meal and know it’s going to cost more - as does the meal when compared to what it costs me to eat at home.

I have some bottles of hard liquor that are 20+ years old. Vodka is what we tend to run out of more frequently.

“But if someone asked for a drink that required hard liquor, ,we’d happily offer it (assuming we had the ingredients and someone knew how to fix the drink. I surely don’t. Can do on the rocks, but thats about it)”

And honestly, if someone were to ask in my house - they’d be out of luck. But I think most people who are at our house know we don’t drink so they wouldn’t bother to ask in the first place.

I did sometimes have random bottles of stuff (gin, vodka, whatever) but usually wound up tossing it whenever I decluttered. When my son left for his new apartment, he was welcome to help himself to whatever was there. I think there was a bottle of Jack Daniels he took? Jim Beam? I really don’t know, because to me it’s all the same! I don’t have objections to my kids drinking, presuming it’s done safely (e.g., no driving) and I know my son is a beer drinker.

When DS lived nearby, we asked him to clean out our liquor cabinet and have a housewarming party at his place. He happily complied. We kept a few bottles of “the good stuff” but it just sits here.