“Being a gracious host means providing for your guests. H and I host social events in our home several times a year (Thanksgiving dinner, card group, summer barbecues, etc). We provide a variety of beverages. For example, we always serve beer as an option even though I do not drink it. H will not touch coffee, but he will make sure that it is an option. Neither of us drinks non-diet soda, but we know some of our friends do, so we provide it.”
Right, I get it. I guess to what level is one expected to provide all choices for fear of being or unwelcoming? The sociology around alcohol is very interesting, as it’s taken on roles beyond merely beverage alternative. Same for coffee.
I agree about being a good host. We are not coffee drinkers but keep some on hand for when coffee drinkers visit. But in OP’s case, the question is is it inhospitable to not have alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. I don’t think so. I think if this venue is great in every other way for a rehearsal dinner, then I would go ahead with it.
I don’t drink hard liquor, so it was not something I would have in the house. Few weeks ago when I had a dinner party, I asked what people would like to drink, one friend said he would like scotch or whiskey over ice. I felt bad that I didn’t have it because I knew he liked such drink. I went out got few small bottles of scotch and whiskey just in case for next time.
Most of my friends know I only drink white wine, so have it whenever I come over for dinner.
I have a few bottles of wine but for all I know they could be complete junk. H gets them as gifts and honestly we regift them. I have one bottle of liquor - I think it’s amaretto? I really have no idea. I really couldn’t tell the difference and it’s not important to me to learn. My parents knew about different wines and mixed drinks so it certainly wasn’t that I wasnt exposed to it. I think I’m the same way about alcohol that some women on here are about clothing
From the Washington Post article upthread, half of all American adults drink about half a drink a month. They are for all intents and purposes non-drinkers. We’ve heard a lot here about how the drinkers enjoy and expect alcohol on festive occasions.
What festive beverages should hosts provide for the other half of their guests, and for the guests who do drink but who want to moderate their consumption-- for the designated drivers, the pregnant women, the people who are temporarily taking medication that can’t be combined with alcohol? In events where alcohol is served, there is often a lot of emphasis on it: signature alcoholic cocktails, fifteen kinds of craft beer, wine with the meal. What about the rest of the guests?
When my parents were in Russia for my dad’s induction into the Russian Academy of Engineering, their hosts were very upset that my folks wouldn’t drink! The hosts just insisted that they take a drink. It was really awkward.
@“Cardinal Fang” I always have tons of options for the nondrinkers, myself included.
Juices - oj, cranberry
water
milk, although no one usually wants that unless its with a big slice of chocolate cake for dessert
a variety of sodas - both diet and regular
hot beverages like coffee (regular and decaf), a variety of regular and herbal teas. You want hot chocolate? I can make you that.
Then, depending on the season things, like lemonade, iced tea, cider, hot spiced cider (which you can add some rum to if you want), eggnog (ditto on the rum).
I don’t know anyone who serves “fifteen kinds of craft beer” or even “signature” cocktails at home- I am not sure I even know what a signature cocktail is. We are usually offered white/red wine but are always asked if we would prefer a mixed drink. We, and most other guests we know, choose the wine. In the summer months beer (usually one brand) is on offer as well.
At this stage most of my entertaining involves people whose tastes and preferences I know well. I consider myself to be a good hostess so I always have those beverages on hand when inviting them into my home. That applies to alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.
However, in those instances where people I do not know will be coming to my home, I will stock just about every possible beverage. For instance, I threw my younger brothers engagement party at my home. Many of the guests I had never met before. So in addition to plenty of wine and some champagne, I stocked fruit juices, diet and regular soda, lemonade, ice tea and sparking/still water. There was a coffee and tea service opened when the desserts came out. There was also one of those large beverage dispensers with a spout that held a non-alcoholic punch. It was something the caterer put together that I think was a mixture of fruit juices and ginger ale. Honestly only about half of that was consumed, and I think it was my own children who drank most of it.
This was a late afternoon summer party that flowed into our backyard. We did not do mixed drinks unless someone specifically asked for one. I think H said only 2 people did.
I always have an array of craft sodas and ginger beers (these are non-alcoholic by definition) on hand for our non-drinker friends. Our supermarket has quite a variety of those. We keep a case if sparkling water in the pantry because that’s what we usually have with dinner. Sparkling cranberry and apple ciders, juices, and some diet sodas even though we don’t drink those.
I like the taste of some red wines, but I really wish the alcohol content in those would be lower. If only it would be possible to come up with a magic process to remove most of the alcohol without affecting the taste!
@missypie If water was only being served I would have put it in one of those vintage glass containers with a spout and sliced lemons, limes, oranges, cucumbers, or mint in it. (served flavored waters)
Growing up alcohol was not served in our home. My parents didn’t drink. (culturally is was frowned upon)
Even in college I never had beer or wine.
As a single parent even if I went to a party I wouldn’t drink because I don’t know how much I could handle and still be able to drive back home with my kid. I don’t keep alcohol at home. In fact for Thanksgiving dinner I bought Pomegranate Sparkling juice to serve. (It is just the two of us)
I really don’t have knowledge of what to buy and don’t really like to keep it in my home.
Reading this thread it seems I would be considered rude for not having that as an option for my guests.
The ? is if I don’t drink it why should I make myself uncomfortable about serving it at my home.
For me (and everyone has different views on this) isn’t it the same as saying I don’t smoke but it is rude if I don’t allow smokers to smoke in my home?
I find this thread interesting because in the future I wonder when DD gets married I ? what would I serve.
It seems that I would be expected to serve alcohol for the guests otherwise I would be considered cheap or the party would be considered boring. (Haven’t figured what I would do when the time comes to plan a wedding.)
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a problem with others drinking. I just choose not to and don’t serve it in my home.
I had a large summer work party where we offered three different kinds of artisanal aguas frescas (watermelon, cucumber-lime-mint, and jamaica) along with beer, wine and the usual assortment of coke, diet coke, and sparkling and plain water. No one touched the aguas frescas. The non-drinkers preferred diet coke and water.
We are pretty into beer and even we haven’t ever served fifteen kinds of beer. We usually have a Holiday open house and we will usually have several types of beer available. Maybe 4-6 varieties. Sometines a homebrew. We always have leftovers but beer keeps and we enjoy finishing it over the holidays.
We also have the major categories of liquor and red and white wine.
For non drinkers I have a variety of sodas, cider, non-alcoholic eggnog. Some years I make a non alcoholic punch. We get a variety of juices which may be used in cocktails or just drunk on their own.
if I am entertaining at my home I always have ginger ale, a cola, oj, tomato or veg juice, tonic water, seltzer (plain and flavored.) I also always have water on the table as it gives me a chance to use my pretty water pitchers.
What a bizarre comparison. No, it’s not the same because unless your guests get stinking, vomiting drunk they are not damaging the furnishings and polluting the environment for everyone else the way smokers do. I’m not much of a coffee drinker but I always make a point of having excellent quality coffee available (both regular and decaf) for dinner or brunch guests.
Unless it violates the hosts’ religious beliefs, the gracious thing to do when entertaining is always put your guests’ comfort before your own.
What is most important to me is the comfort of my guests. We have a friend who really enjoys diet Coke, so we keep that in our refrigerator for him, though we would never drink that. Another friend who is a vegetarian, so I make sure to have plenty of vegetarian items when he comes over. I loathe mayonnaise, but if we are having burgers, I always buy some, because my guests might want it. Then as soon as they leave, I toss that disgusting stuff. I don’t understand the idea of, “I don’t drink it, so I don’t serve it,” unless it’s a religious or moral objection. It’s about the guest, and it’s easy to find a good bottle of wine or beer, even if you’re clueless about it. You just ask the wine steward, or anybody milling around the wine section. Or ask us right here. It’s not like you have to fix an exotic, fancy dish for someone, just minimal effort to purchase a bottle of wine or some beer, if you know they would like it.
Good to get different perspectives. I think the response is a cultural thing. For example I know families where they don’t smoke, drink, or eat or serve meat. I think serving alcohol is not the same as serving diet coke even if the host doesn’t drink it. A diet coke is not going to effect someone’s behavior. I’ll take these ideas into consideration for future events.
“Good to get different perspectives. I think the response is a cultural thing. For example I know families where they don’t smoke, drink, or eat or serve meat. I think serving alcohol is not the same as serving diet coke even if the host doesn’t drink it. A diet coke is not going to effect someone’s behavior. I’ll take these ideas into consideration for future events.”
If I had a family with those considerations, and they were the only people visiting, I wouldn’t serve them alcohol, meat, or buy them cigarettes. However, if there were others visiting, meat and alcohol would be available, along with vegetarian dishes and nonalcoholic beverages.
I don’t try to control my guests behaviors, if there is someone who is an obnoxious drunk, we don’t ask them over. I just want to make available what they would like (within the law) and have them be comfortable.
Always in my pantry I have: sparkling grape juice, cranberry juice, apple juice, tomato juice, coke, diet coke,pepsi, ginger ale, mountain dew, tonic water, soda water, sparkling water and still water. Each of those is something some regular guest to my house drinks. This is in addition to wine, beer, spirits, and yes - we make signature cocktails.
I also have milk, half and half, cream, real sugar, several kinds of artificial sweeteners, honey, real coffee, decaf coffee, herbal teas, strong teas, and on and on and on…
If you are gluten free, and stop by unexpectedly, I have something you can eat while you have a beverage of your choice.
