Will alcohol be served at the reception? If yes, then I think alcohol should also be served at the rehearsal. Having a dry rehearsal dinner may appear, to those that don’t know you, that your family is opposed to alcohol or penny pinching. Since you were originally intending to BYOB, I would continue to look for a venue that meets all your needs.
Does it need to be a sit down dinner? How many guests do you anticipate? For a large group, a buffet or heavy hors d’oeuvres may be an option, although I do think people will drink more at a cocktail party.
I think heavy hors d’oeuvres can be more expensive than sit down dinner because 3 course dinner can be easier to cater… I have priced it out for parties I have hosted.
What makes a good party - a lot of good food, good drinks and music.
Can you ask around and find out what is expected where you live? In the area where I grew up it alcohol was expected to be served at social events, but that might be different where you are.
I’d change venues. At one event, the guests had many rooms in a hotel. The family was gifted the use of entertainment room. They brought in platters for dinner and breakfast. They had beer and wine. It became a place where the two families got to hang out.
I’ve also been to two rehearsal dinners at Maggionis. Private rooms, family service of many pasta dinners and salads. Wine at each table.
On the Friday night before a Bar Mitzvah, guests were invited to a nearby Italian casual place, where there was lots of pizza served. Again, beer and wine. If my family was on the west coast, I’d look for a Mexican place and think of pitchers of margaritas
I live in the Southern US and I have never had alcohol at a shower.
I did not have alcohol at my wedding and it was short -thats just how weddings were here 25 years ago here- in my circles.(I was raised Southern Baptist) When I was a kid there wasn’t even that much food at them. Cake , mints, nuts in the church fellowship hall. It is kind of fascinating when you think of it that I culture that likes to eat so much had such skimpy weddings LOL.
I think in recent years things have changed a bit here. I think we are getting a bit more homogeneous.
I cannot imagine that no alcohol being served would be a deal breaker if the chosen venue was really special but I think most adults enjoy/expect a glass of wine with dinner or a cocktail in advance of dinner. With bridal showers it is different. They are held during the day, either at someone’s house or a restaurant. I’ve been at several where wine was served and several in which no alcohol was served. Everyone had a good time celebrating the bride to be regardless.
I thought about that ^^^ earlier but then thought maybe missypie wouldn’t want anyone in her party drinking alcohol - even if it’s MEANT to be a toast - and then getting in a car to drive someplace.
I would find it odd not to have alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. Not a huge problem for me personally but odd. And I’d worry that other people would take it as being cheap, so I’d probably try to find another venue.
I don’t think I’ve ever had alcohol at a shower. I’d gladly accept a mimosa if it was offered, however.
I’m originally from the tri-state area where ZM is located and alcoholic punch, mimosas and bloody marys were served at many of the showers I attended.
“Wow, as someone who doesn’t do/need alcohol it just floors me that many think it’s necessary. I think mocktails are a cute idea! As long as the dinner/party is fun and they are well fed is the absence of alcohol really something people will be shaking their head about? Apparently for some yes. For me, not at all!”
I am in complete agreement. I don’t see what’s so special about alcohol that its absence would throw a damper on things. It’s like being upset that you weren’t served apple pie - well, yeah, you weren’t, but you had chocolate cake instead so what’s the big deal?
I recent went to a baby shower that did have a signature cocktail. I enjoyed it but it struck me as a little rude to offer something the guest of honor obviously couldn’t enjoy.
I would serve some delicious, clever signature mocktail and move on. Alternatively, could you get a cappuccino/ latte bar set up? Guests will rave over that. If someone doesn’t like it, my personal feeling is that it’s their problem they need alcohol to enjoy themselves.
One of my pet peeves is people that judge the event by alcohol. I don’t really drink much and could take it or leave it. I didn’t have alcohol at my wedding reception but it was a true reception and not a dance party. I didn’t want to burden parents with cost of liquor and believe wedding reception is about two people getting married not an open bar party.
I know it’s now the trend for reception to be more party. One the other hand the rehearsal dinner is usually more intimate and not expected to last all night. There is a wedding the next day! I don’t think ending early is an issue at dinner. Or course I also personally don’t like toasts either which is the one part that drags on to me.
We also had the rehearsal dinner at our home. It was a casual buffet with seating on our deck. Beer and wine were a big part of it. I would not pitch a fit, but I would expect alcohol.
You could warn the guests that coolers in their cars or flasks might be in order.
^^Really? I’d never suggest to guests to BYOB and then that they need to keep it in the car.
This restaurant has rules. No alcohol. Don’t like the rule, don’t have the dinner there. There are plenty of other options.
I think it should be up to the couple. Who is coming to the rehearsal? Is it just the wedding party, whom I’m assuming are young 20 somethings. They’ll probably want a party. Is it every out of town guest, lots of cousins and friends from college? They’ll want a party. Is it just the two families? Then a more subdued evening might be okay.
At my niece’s wedding last year, the ‘rehearsal’ was not a rehearsal at all. It was just the night before the wedding party and everyone was invited to everything all weekend (almost every guest was from out of town). It was a picnic.
I’ve been to other rehearsals that were at Mexican restaurants, at the bride’s house, pizza,
What kind of food is it? Mexican food I would want alcohol, Chinese or Indian I wouldn’t miss it.
I recently did a bridal shower. It was a lunch and we had Sparkling wine with appetizers. Once we moved to lunch we just had lemonade, tea and water. I don’t think anyone was upset they didn’t get wine with lunch.
I am not much of a drinker and wouldn’t think twice about not having alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. I don’t think we had any at ours, which was at the same hotel as the reception. I think of a rehearsal dinner as way different than a reception. A rehearsal dinner isn’t expected to go super late. People can leave the rehearsal dinner and go drink in their hotel bar or elsewhere if they’re looking for a party.
Where is the reception? We did a package deal with the hotel where we had ours. They gave us a deal on a third space – separate from the rehearsal dinner and reception – for a party the night before the wedding, which was after the rehearsal dinner and for out-of-town guests and the wedding party. We did have beer and wine at that event and ethnic food that we brought in, and it was awesome.
I agree with those who say ask the couple whether they think it’s a deal breaker. If they say no, I would have it at the meaningful place to you and let petty people whisper about it. I think I would let people know that no alcohol was part of the deal with the venue so if they want a drink before they show up, then that’s on them.
Well, in a perfect world the alcohol shouldn’t matter as this is a celebration on the bride and groom. But the reality is that, for many, celebrations are just much more fun with cocktails. Sure, people will come…but many will leave early. It will be a more serious and somber event. I know it’s not fair, or even right…but it is what it is. You need to make your mind up which you would rather have.
There are other venues for this, I would keep looking.
Well, although alcohol is a depressant, most people lose a bit of inhibition, laugh easier, are more relaxed…therefore a happier time if not taken to the extreme.
