Ha…DS’s ex-gf used “hint” to break up with him! And with her bf before him too.</p>
<p>DS knew this because, when she was still with DS, she told him that her previous bf did not get it after she had given that previous bf a lot of hints.</p>
<p>DS told us before he came back home to meet her, he knew what might be happening next. When she replied his text messages less and less often, he kind of knew something might be “wrong.” Guys are not that stupid; they know.</p>
<p>Later, it was strange that she invited two of her ex-bf’s (one of them is DS) to go to some fun event simultaneously (but not her current bf at that time). It turns out they got along with each other and had nice chat on that day. Maybe they share the same feeling of “being dumped.”</p>
<p>I do not understand the behaviors of these two young men and the young lady!</p>
<p>Re: Break-up timing. In 10th grade my D planned to break-up with her boyfriend, but felt it was very important to wait until after he had taken his scheduled AP exam (his only AP exam) I thought it was sweet. They were very hard working students. Both had made the ‘ALL A’ Honor Roll (top 3%) during the time they were together.</p>
<p>I also think it’s quite unfair and painful to tell they guy “we need to talk” in 2 weeks. If someone did that to me, I would just feel a huge amount of stress and anxeity for the next two weeks. I don’t think it’s kind at all. He may suspect what the “talk” is about, but he may be holding out hope or simply just thinking and wondering. Out of all the suggestions, I feel that’s the most unfair one to him.</p>
<p>I also think it’s wrong to continue lying to him about loving and missing him. I would be pretty upset if someone lied to me like that to ‘spare’ my feelings. I think everyone, and especially in a relationship, deserves the honest truth. I can’t help but think of significant others/spouses who cheat and then don’t say anything to spare their partner’s feelings, supposedly, thereby depriving them of the truth and the choice. I know this is not the same situation, but I still think it’s really unfair to the guy.</p>
<p>^^^ So you’ve said what you don’t want to happen. What is your recommendation? Break up now long distance over some medium or in person right at the beginning of the semester?</p>
<p>D and her bf recently broke up. (by phone) Because it happened in the summer, she is looking forward to starting the school year on a positive note. Timing is important!</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay, I would lean towards breaking up now, if it means not having to lie to him any more and string him along and/or get his expectations up for the coming year. I have also been wondering if maybe she can come/fly out to meet him if she wants to do it in person - yes, it’s extra time/expense, but he should be worht it, considering all he has done for her in her hard times, according to the OP.</p>
<p>DS went through a very similar situation last year. My words of wisdom were that breaking up is like eating barbecued spare ribs–there ain’t no pretty way to do it. He needed to accept that he was causing a lot of pain for someone he cared about. As has been stated, the boyfriend in OPs post deserves the truth as soon as possible. And OPs daughter deserves to be free from all the stress this is causing. Once she accepts that she is going to feel really bad about all this and owns that I bet she will find the strength to do the deed.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s going to hurt however and whenever it’s done, so they both might as well get that part over with and move on with their lives…and they will. The OP’s tale reminded me of my latest earworm: [If I Loved You](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube)</p>
<p>D and I had a talk this morning before each of us headed off to work and I backtracked on my initial advice to her that she wait until they get back to school to break the news, based in large part on the responses I have received here. Instead, I told her that perhaps it would be best, depending upon the nature and frequency of their communication between now and when they get back to school, that she have some discussion with BF that her feelings about the relationship have changed and let him take the lead from there. It was a good discussion, and I did learn that a lot of this has to do with her just feeling the relationship moved too fast and became too serious for her at this point in her life. She just keeps saying “I’m only 18!” and the BF’s tendency to talk about long term plans as a couple just makes her uncomfortable at this point in her life. This led to a discussion about being careful about jumping into serious relationships at such a relatively young age, no matter how much each of you like each other, which was a good one to have.</p>
<p>Good luck to her. It’s difficult. I hope I’m not here in a few months asking what to do about my ds, who, it appears to me, is more invested in his current relationship than the girl. I could be wrong about that, and it’s just that I get to hear/see his enthusiasm more. I wish they’d break up before heading off to school, but I’m staying out of it.</p>
Good for her! At this point in time in her life it’s best to be more open and free - including moving beyond the HS friends realm. Who knows? They might someday end up back together but I think it’s great that she’s able to take the big picture view, realize where she is right now (only 18 y/o and starting college), and be open to the new experiences coming her way. </p>
<p>He’s likely better off with that approach as well even if he doesn’t realize it yet.</p>
<p>I went through a recent break up with my BF of ~8 months (primarily for reasons of distance, not comparability). It sucks that this happened the week before my all-important comp exams, but barring something like that, I’d say it’s best to avoid stringing someone along.</p>
<p>Yes, time for an update! A few days after my initial post, BF texted my D asking if everything was OK and this time she responded that she had had some things on their mind and perhaps they should talk. So they skyped, D told BF that things had just moved too fast for her, that she really needed them to give each other much more space. BF was of course asking her why, and if it was something he had done, etc., why she didn’t say anything sooner. She told him the truth - that she didn’t know how, or when to bring up the subject since they were apart, and that it wasn’t him, she just wasn’t ready for such an all-consuming relationship, with him or anyone. So as of now, they are still texting/messaging each other and have agreed to see what happens when they are both back at school. All in all, turned out fairly well – at least they both know where the relationship stands, won’t have any big surprises to deal with right when they’re starting a new school year, and will be able to figure the relationship out one way or another when they are actually back together in the same city. </p>
<p>D was very relieved to have gotten all of her concerns off of her chest, and BF seems to be handling it fairly welll, too.</p>
<p>That’s great! I haven’t known of a relationship yet that hasn’t benefited from people being honest with each other. Hope things go well once they’re in school.</p>