<p>I’d assume that he’s having a midlife crisis, and you’re serving as a sit in for the typical shiny new sports car.</p>
<p>lol@you thinking it’s a relationship. It’s nothing of the sort. You two couldn’t possibly be in a relationship. He probably has a stable career already. You’re still in college. You’re in two different stages in life and couldn’t possibly reconcile that difference. </p>
<p>Dump him immediately so that you can enjoy your college years with no attachments. You have the rest of your life to look for older men.</p>
<p>with a username like bulbasaur I can only imagine the commonalities the two of you must have</p>
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<p>Guess you didn’t get the memo. 20 year old chicks are a lot hotter than 40 year old hags.</p>
<p>since you asked…to be raw…my first thought is that hes old enough to be your like old uncle or what not. If all the young girls start dating old guys, then all the young guys won’t have any dates.</p>
<p>But all young girls don’t date old guys. Just like all chicks aren’t lesbians. Who cares if the odd one dates an old guy; that won’t affect anything. When I’m old I’ll probably want some fresh meat too.</p>
<p>haha, one of the tags for this thread is ‘getting laid’</p>
<p>but seriously, 20 year age gap is pretty huge and it begs the question: what exactly do you guys have in common?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine being in a serious relationship with someone that age just because we’re at such different places in our lives. However, I don’t think it’s necessarily “creepy” or anything. I’ve been with someone that age; we got along great and it was fun, but it was not a serious, romantic relationship. Whatever works for you guys.</p>
<p>It’s not a matter of him being able to get any woman he wants (he can-- he’s really hot, smart, and rich). He just likes young college guys to spoil I guess. And I really like older men (preferably with salt & pepper hair which he has) so it works out.</p>
<p>Honestly the first that comes to mind when I read something like that, well he obviously dates her because he has a thing for girls half his age and that is not their brains.
Without knowing you or him I have to assume the same. </p>
<p>Of all the couples I know with a huge age gap 7 years or more, I only know one couple for whom it seems to work out.</p>
<p>@bulbasaur10,
Of course your impression is that he can get any woman he wants. That’s one of the reasons why I think he’s taking advantage of young girls. Someone your age will think that – someone older may not.</p>
<p>If it’s true that he CAN get any woman he wants (which I doubt), then I’m still biased towards thinking that he can’t “keep” them. I just have this nagging idea that the man has a big problem – he has to be somewhat “adored?”; he has to have a certain unhealthy sense of “power” that he doesn’t feel around women his own age?; he has to be admired and thought of as “worldly?”; he has to be “the rescuer?”; he doesn’t have the self-confidence (despite any outside appearances to the contrary) to date women closer to his own age?; he has to take care of (as you say, “spoil”) a young girl and have her “under his wing” in order to feel strong? The list goes on.</p>
<p>Chances are high, imo, that the man has a LARGE underlying character flaw that has to do with his own ego, his own selfishness, his own immaturity, his own inability to grow up. He is not just getting his jollies by “spoiling” young people – taking care of others (spoiling) is not what’s floating his boat. It’s all about him, not you. It’s an ego trip for him, and you’re being taken advantage of. Young people may find it nurturing and comforting to be so “cared for.” As you get older and more confident, with a stronger sense of your own identity, needs, and desires (separate from his), being “spoiled” will feel like being smothered or “owned.”</p>
<p>Chances are VERY high that you are dating a loser – not somebody that can get any woman he wants.</p>
<p>Btw, are you a guy or a girl? (You said he likes spoiling young college GUYS.) </p>
<p>Either way – homosexual or heterosexual, I still say the guy has a huge character flaw that you’re too young to detect at this time. Proceed with caution. Or just have fun with the whole thing – but try not to be delusional. This guy is all about HIM, not you.</p>
<p>I agree with most of the comments made about the negatives of the situation. I would also like to add that at your age, 21, even if we admit it or not, we are all generally stubborn at that age. We think we know the world, we think we know everything. But later on in life, it’ll all come back to slap us in the face months or years later. Even if we look at the past as an example, we can already see this. Since the time you were 18 til now, you have probably realized more in those 3 year about life and the “real world” than you have your whole entire time up until 18.
The fact that someone would be willing to and knowingly “rob” you of that, is slightly unfair and unethical in my opinion. There’s a difference(I think) if you were, say 40 years old, and had then met someone 20 years older than you. At that age, you would have had enough life experience to make a decision that takes into account more than just naive and stubborn views of life and people.</p>
<p>At 21, you might think that the things you see in older men over young men, such as maturity, intellectual capacity, commitment, etc, are things that you understand or want or can only find in older men. But honestly those things can be found in men of all different ages. They just don’t come just because you grow older each year, sometimes it will never come for some. And anyone who has those desirable qualities at 40, and chooses to willingly date a 21 year old, most likely really doesn’t have those qualities at all. They just happen to be someone who makes you believe that he does or he knowingly knows how to play the game(god knows he’s been playing it for about 18 years before you were born-think about that, when you were born he was already possibly playing the game trying to get girls his age at the time or even younger). If he was a real catch at 40, chances are that he would have already been snatched up by a girl closer to his age long time ago. And if he complains that girls his age aren’t as fun or aren’t “a certain way” that somehow you happen to be, then be critical of what he’s actually saying. Do you want a guy who doesn’t take a woman at 30 or 35, who most likely has her stuff together and is more educated in life than you, seriously, but somehow does a 21 year old, who possibly is fresh out of college or still in college but who only has “plans” and has yet to fulfill herself and essentially become those plans?</p>
<p>If you’re in it for the money or gifts, be sure to be in control and actually have tastes worth getting fulfilled. A guy who makes or only provides what you could possibly have for yourself if you lived alone and had your paycheck go to you every month by working, is not a guy who is worth having as a sugar daddy.</p>
<p>Lastly appreciate your youth, because you’re only going to be in your 20s once. Men of all different ages want girls in the 20s for the reason the guy who is in his 40s is willing to put up with you or possibly say the right things for as long as he can get what he wants from you.</p>
<p>Fail ■■■■■ is fail ■■■■■. =D</p>
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<p>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!</p>
<p>Anyway, if you’re happy, the opinions of others really shouldn’t matter. I’m impartial on the matter. Judging from your amount of posts, you’re probably a ■■■■■, though.</p>
<p>A rule of thumb is divide age by 2 and add 7. So a 41 year old’s lower limit should be 27 or 28.</p>
<p>What? A rule of thumb? Ridiculous.</p>
<p>since you want an honest opinion of my first impression it would be…gross. no offense to you in any way, but i’m just not accustomed seeing someone date a man almost twice her age. I personally wouldn’t go for guys more than 4 years older than me.</p>
<p>Thanks for the honest opinion guys. He knows I’m not looking for a serious relationship. Honestly, we both just want the same thing from each other. I know how these relationships typically go (where the older man is essentially a “sugar daddy” and the “sugar baby” gets hooked) so I’m careful not to let it get out of hand. Besides “that,” we have a scholarly type of relationship as well. It’s been very fun and we both learn a lot from each other. Most people assume I’m his adopted son though… haha little do they know… ;)</p>
<p>Btw, I have very high standards in men, and I find that the qualities I’m looking for are simply more common in older men (usually 40+). They just have a certain appeal that draws me in that I can’t explain. This particular guy is also straight who wants to explore his homoeroticism (I guess like they did in ancient Greece?), and quite frankly, that’s very exciting to me.</p>
<p>Of course you wouldn’t. But, by virtue of the fact that he’s spending time with you instead of people his own age means … sorry, honestly no offense … he’s a loser.</p>
<p>Wait it’s a male-male relationship? Now it just sounds like 45% of the relationships in ancient Rome. </p>
<p>Yeah, I’m a history nerd :(.</p>
<p>It’s still creepy that he’s dating people half his age. Why can’t he find someone his own age? That’s what I want to know.</p>
<p>If anything, I should be the one thankful he’s with me-- not because I can’t get my fair share of guys (I can) but because he’s pursuing a “first” with me. He tells me he’s never explored his homoerotic side before. I was skeptical at first (my first thought was that he says that to every guy he meets) but my gaydar did signal me that he’s straight, and spending time with him only confirmed that. Of course, I found that very exciting. But honestly, I like him for so much more. He’s a great person overall. He’s genuine, well-learned, socially conscious, and has a passion for life unlike any other.</p>