<p>For parents who have been through the college application process, how do parents interact with the college counselor from far away? It looks like the college information nights and meetings (for parents) are on campus. While I understand D needs to drive much of the process, and I will not to be a crazed parent that makes the college process about me, I’m looking for my experience to be similar to what the school provides for more local parents, whatever that is–not more but not less. Is that possible?</p>
<p>IMO, how much you want to be involved and how much you need to be involved is the question. I quickly understood that I have to give the College Counseling team and my son a little more credit and let them do their magic. Personally, by the end, I was pretty much hands off. They pulled the rabbit out of the hat.</p>
<p>Just to clarify my last, I wasn’t absent throughout the process. Initially I wanted to be very much involved with the whole process. But as erlanger implied , this process was not about me. Ever since my son had arrived on campus he witnessed all the drama with it’s ups and downs that transpired with the classes before him. He knew full well what it was all about. Threat of community college was not helpful. Constructive comments and encouragement was what I did best.</p>
<p>Good topic! ops, can you elaborate with maybe some exmaples on:
and
</p>
<p>By the second week of school the college reps start visiting campus. Their arrival dates and times are posted for everyone to see. Granted that the lower classes do not schedule to attend, they are fully aware of the arrivals. The freshmen and sophomore students see and hear the older students as they progress throughout the year with the whole college challenge. Letters of acceptance and rejections (denials upside down) are posted on senior room doors. During weekly school meetings, sometimes individual college acceptances are announced where the whole school joins in congratulations. There is the college fair when numerous colleges come to advertise their wares. The whole college process and excitement is pretty hard to miss.</p>
<p>Two years may have gone by when most parents (at least for me) think it’s time to get more involved when in actuality their child has been surrounded by it all since day one. So when I start making my comments they’re somewhat benign considering he’s been working on it far longer than I may have realized. Gets to a point where all I can do is provide support and stop with the incessant requests to finish the applications. </p>
<p>During this past weekend drive to school for the younger guy, he remarked (more than once) how excited he was about the college process and looking forward to the road trips. At first my stomach tightened in despair of omg here we go again and didn’t I just go through this? I didn’t go through it, I just went along for the ride, his brother went through it and now he “wants” to and I’m going to support him. I don’t have to tell him to get his applications done and I don’t need to make derogatory comments about the local community college. I’m thrilled that he’s thrilled, I feel lucky and encouraged that he attends a school that does have his best interest at heart. It’s not something to be dreaded, quite the contrary, I’m very excited and look forward to the journey as much as he does.</p>
<p>How students and parents deal with it individually is up to them and different for everyone. Some students will need more coaxing than others. Some parents may need to be more involved, other less. Sometimes the chemistry with the college counselor may not be all there. I’ve seen some students be late on the whole college uptake, in other words think they can wait until their senior year. IMO, for the last few years the early decision application has been crucial for many. I still think ED will play a big part with college admissions because of the economy.</p>
<p>I have one D through the process and happily ensconced at a highly selective uni, and one senior going through the process now. Both went to the same school, so I only have that experience to share. However, we live close, so I went to all the meetings. Here are some random observations.</p>
<p>The meetings Junior year are all about thinking broadly about college options, understanding how your kid compares, and learning the process and available tools (eg Naviance). Junior spring is all about managing expectations. All of those parents and kids who saw BS as a ticket to HYPMS are still there, and that certainly creates much of the drama. The reality is that vast majority of the students turned down by ivy schools are straight A students with great board scores and fantastic ECs. College advising lays out all the testing requirements at the beginning of the year along with a calendar of events. In the spring, both parents and kids fill out information forms, the GC gets assigned and meets with the kid. Kids start getting notices about colleges visiting campus and usually go to a college fair. Usually there is a meeting with the parents to talk through the list scheduled during spring parent’s weekend.</p>
<p>In general I feel like we as parents still owned much of the process. Although the GC made suggestions, we were the ones taking our DDs on the college visits. This for us was a great time to talk, and help them sort through what was really important to them in a college. The GC will assure that the list is balanced with reaches, matches and safeties, but ultimately the big/small, urban/ rural, east/west/north/south decisions are made by the family. The GC knows the schools, and provides information, but we know are kids and are best able to help them sort through their personal view.</p>
<p>The essay writing is also something both of my Ds worked on at breaks more than during class time. It is just too difficult to manage the heavy coursework and the essay writing. There was little test prep available at their school, so they mostly did practice tests during school breaks as well. They are expected to have drafts of key essays to their GC when they return senior year, as well as a pretty finalized list of schools. Some schools interview on the BS campus, others visit and do mini-info sessions. I think this is a great way for kids to meet the adcom personally who will be reading their applications. They need to request LORs, and do any art supplements, etc. The BS pretty much took care of all that and with Naviance and the CA everything is pretty automated.</p>
<p>My one recommendation is to build a relationship with the GC similar to the relationship you build with your kids advisor. They get very tightly scheduled around parent’s weekends, so we would always try to finad an alternative time to meet. In general we found email and telephone work great. Also, once you get through the this is where my kid stands and this is the list part, there really is not much interaction you need to have. </p>
<p>So this is a long post. Hope it answered your questions. Happy to answer more to the best of my ability.</p>
<p>
1012mom, I don’t know what school you are referring to here, but my understanding is that in highly challenging prep schools, it’s very difficult to get straight A’s, but the few who do get straight A’s (with a reasonably rigorous curriculum as they typically are) are going to the best colleges. For example, in Exeter, only 10%+ of its graduates get a GPA of 10 -11 (and I don’t even define straight A as an average of 11). I can’t imagine many of these top students get rejected by ivies.</p>
<p>
Is this the experience with other families too? Are there any other interactions with colleges counselors other than drawing out the list of colleges to apply to?</p>
<p>@DAndrew</p>
<p>My Ds are at a HADES school, but not Exeter. Certainly the top 10% of the class have a lot of choices in March. If they really want an ivy, they will probably get into one if they apply to several. However, even the top 10% do not have a ticket to wherever they want to go. For example, one friend of my D10 who is now at Harvard but did not get into her dream school (Yale). Of the 10 or so that ended up in at Harvard that year all but 2 were hooked (legacy, URM, first-gen or athlete). My perception is that the best shot at ivy is for the athletes. The ivies seem to shop the preps for the kids talented enough for Div I, but able to handle the academics of tippy top schools.</p>
<p>1012mom, thanks for the clarification. I agree that academic excellence is not a sure ticket to any college one wants to be in. Come to think of it, one - hooked or unhooked -no matter how good he/she is, is not even garanteed to get in any of the HADES, let alone HYPSM where admit rates have dipped to single digits. However, I like to think that among the 30%+ of graduates going to ivies and the like in schools like Andover and Exeter, at least some of them have academic excellence as a major hook while others may use hooks other than stella academics to get in.</p>
<p>Great post. My d just began her junior year and went back to school with 10 colleges on the list. Because she wants to stay in New England, we have to plan early and make my visits count in terms of college visits. Our list is loose but at least a starting point. </p>
<p>As a college teacher, I feel I have a little more insight into the college process and have GC’s on my campus that have given me advice over the years. I even sent my d to speak with them and they commented that she was on the right track and alittle ahead of the curve of her age-mates.</p>
<p>I will keep a close eye on the process but try to keep my hands behind my back, and not get overwhelmed at my d’s comments.</p>
<p>Personal Example: On a ride to work this summer my d “informed” me that she thinks she might go to medical school. This is the child who is english/history focused does great in math/science but I thought she had no passion for them. I dang near drove off the road-lol. 3 weeks later she admitted she was not giving up law school but was “torn” between the two and maybe would do both! By then I accepted the fact that she is in transition and needs to work this out on her own!</p>
<p>I stepped back and will let her get back to me!</p>
<p>My D just started her BS as a Sophomore. I got email saying that she is really busy with her school work. She said even got a white hair on her head! Fortunately, the school work is not that hard, she said. And she will ask her teachers if she can move up to honor classes. The point is she really like the school !
As a mom living across the States, i just cross my fingers wishing my D will learn how to swim better day by day amongst the bigger fishes 
The problem seem to be that I only do wishful thinking and don’t do anything substantial : I didn’t even email her counselor yet to say hello. Even on the moving in day, I couldn’t meet him.
Should i connect with her teachers and counselor regularly by emailing ?
Please tell me to what level do you CC parents to stay connected with your son or daughter’s teachers/ counselors?</p>
<p>Don’t stress too much about where junior get into college. If motivated, they can always transfer and usually get into that first choice college for sophomore year.
Colleges are very aware that freshman classes are full of kids who don’t really belong there and won’t make it out of freshman year. After all, the inmates are running the asylum.
Yes, focus on their Prep School teachers and counselors. Make sure your kid is ready for the voyage.</p>
<p>@bewildered: my husband and I haven’t done anything to connect to daughter’s advisor Or teachers. We met some of them at parents weekend and chat with the house counselor when we run into her on visits but not usually about our child. Our daughter hasn’t had any academic issues, so we haven’t needed to. When something came up that we needed to be involved in, they called us. To some other families, it’s important to establish that communication but our daughter likes to handle things herself and is doing well that way. Same thing with her college counselor (daughter’s a senior). We haven’t had a conversation with counselor except a quck introduction because we haven’t felt the need. but If it’s important to you to connect with advisor, do so. (I personally would leave the teachers alone unless there’s an issue that my kid couldn’t deal with on her own; at her school parents are encouraged to work with house counselors and advisors first.)</p>
<p>I’m not saying you should do it our way, I’m just saying not to feel you are remiss if you don’t work on those relationships, our daughter’s education is turning out fine.</p>
<p>I had a different experience being WITH my son and with us remote from his college counselor (who was in the U.S.).</p>
<p>My son and the college counselor did their thing. What they did was their business. As parents, we talked with our son. But not with the counselor so much. (We got the invoice.)</p>
<p>It was easy to maintain communication with our son as he lived under our roof. And it was easy to not butt into the counselor-student dynamic. My thoughts on the process, adjusted for college counseling at a boarding school that my child attends, would be to approach it much the same. Hands off with the counselor and let that dynamic run its course, while staying in contact with my child.</p>
<p>Also, for parents thinking about college and what their role is, here’s a little wisdom for you: “The Myth of ‘Fit’”</p>
<p>[Head</a> Count - The Chronicle of Higher Education](<a href=“http://chronicle.com/blogs/headcount/don-quixote-college-choice-and-the-myth-of-fit/28781]Head”>Head Count: Don Quixote, College Choice, and the Myth of Fit)</p>
<p>I’m not sure there’s much you can do based on this…but reflecting on it might help keep your head screwed on straight when you’d otherwise wig out over some choices and options that slip into that list of Junior’s top college choices.</p>
<p>Love that article, D’yer Maker. Thanks for posting. I can really relate to it having spent part of the summer doing college visits with my daughter. Some schools that are obvious (to me) perfect fits didn’t interest her at all, while two of her top choices turn out to be schools that go a little against the grain and somehow appeal to her. I think she may be on to something. And as the article says, chances are it will all turn out fine no matter where she ends up.</p>
<p>Here’s an interesting reflection from “The Choice” blog of the NY Times, about how the teenage brain is good for decisions like choosing a college:</p>
<p>[In</a> Praise of the Teenage Brain - NYTimes.com](<a href=“http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/22/in-praise-of-the-teenage-brain/]In”>In Praise of the Teenage Brain - The New York Times)</p>
<p>Wow, lemonade1. So much for my spreadsheet with 25 colleges and datapoints across the top from B to AH!</p>
<p>good article, go with your gut…try to block out extraneous noise and listen to yourself…I like it.</p>
<p>Hello everyone, first time posting. Just wonder if the HEADS school counselor labeled several of your child’s school choices as “unlikely”, would you still encourage her/him to apply anyway? Thanks in advance for your comments.</p>