Someone I know thinks that attending such a school could be both a blessing and a curse – the latter refers to the burden of “having to be much more careful about discussing it” and “there could be a lot of resentment floating around”.
@IxnayBob, good point.
There are likely no lack of people who may resent it when you buy a Tesla as well. This is because it may be an even higher “reach” for most people.
in some places, having your child attend our State U, which is not easy to get into, is seen as a sign that parents are either not successful enough to pay for private school or are too cheap to do so, and thus are ruining their child’s chances at a successful life. It is seen as a definite negative among the HS kids. Cornell would be seen as a great choice and nobody (or maybe a very few) here would question why you would send your kid there. All depends on where you live. And perhaps we notice the negative feedback a bit more than the positive. Just smile, nod and keep going.
Since @miller514 asked, I will chime in! All of these posts have been remarkably helpful and enlightening; I haven’t posted much on this thread since starting it because the number of helpful responses have been overwhelming - but trust me, I’ve read them all! I had been trying to think of this as if I were a parent and how I would feel about the situation, but hearing some of your firsthand experiences really reassured me. I know my parents love having me at Cornell and they love living vicariously through me and reliving their own college days. When I mentioned in my post that I wanted to repay them, I didn’t mean that in a literal sense - I mean that I want to repay them by making the most of my experience, hopefully getting a good job that will make me happy, and providing the same opportunities to my own children.
I hope your mom’s 60th birthday celebration goes well! Have a great day together and remember to say thank you.
The irony here is that we just made the last student loan payment on my wife’s student loan for medical school, simultaneously, our D is just starting at Yale—ahhh, the circle of life.
Have a nice winter break. I am glad to have few days with D2. She is doing so much at school, she said she wish she had more hours in a day, in a good way.
“Except that you may also meet many parents who will keep reminding you that YOUR money is not used wisely (as if they know how to use your money more wisely than you), or worse, accusing you as a “prestige whore”.”
In real life, exactly where do you meet people who take it upon themselves to tell you that you aren’t using your money wisely? Sounds like a bunch of boors to me.
@Pizzagirl, it’s not IRL, but on Bogleheads.org, a web site that I usually praise and which I spend a fair amount of time on, there are two camps, one of which feels that spending a lot on your kids’ educations is lunacy. I am in the other camp, but as I’ve been told over there, “that’s easy for [me] to say.”
My guess is that the opinions of the other camp are felt strongly enough that they would be expressed to a person’s face.
We met someone who thinks if she does not tell us all students at a private college in our state (Rice) are rotten and spoiled kids, she thinks she does not do her job.
In her opinion, almost all professors at elite colleges in north east are “evil” and parents should never send their kids there. If the kids spend 4 years there, their mind will be polluted by these professors and will be turned into immoral persons.
Only public colleges and “true” Christian Colleges are acceptable in her opinion. She really very strongly believes it and would tell you in your face as long as she thinks you are her friends.
I have also met a colleague who got his college degree by spending the first two years at a community college and the remaining two years at a senior college. He told many coworkers who have spent 4 years at a regular college that they have wasted their money on college education by not spending their first two years at a cheaper community college.
I don’t get how some people can say their college experience was better or worse than another’s. It is not a one size fits all experience. Its also no one and I mean no one’s business how you pay for your child’s education or how much you pay, so I wouldn’t offer the information unless you wanted to.
And would someone really call another person a “prestige whore”? If so, I wouldn’t ever spend any time with that person.
mom, I really like the " last great gift" concept and plan on using the term myself.
Ranza, I’m glad the responses have helped. You brought up another good aspect,that of your parents living vicariously through you. My husband and I didn’t go to college, so yes, we feel our lives are fuller having at least experienced colege indirectly thru our son.
Having gone to Yale myself, I know what the reaction is when you tell people you went. Very few people know where I went to school and it is usually on a need to know basis , usually when I am in a group of people who are talking about their alma maters’ football teams, homecoming or whatnot. Obviously it is pertinent then. Also, I have every right to wear my college sweatshirt and I should not have to explain myself when I do.
Now that my child goes there, it is even crazier. When people ask where she goes, I get crazy answers when I say. Not saying is even worse. Then I get the OMG you must be so proud. Yes I am. Very seldom is it pertinent for me to say I went there also.
When people talk about how much I am spending for my child at school I remind them that I am not using welfare money for her school, her father and I get up every day and go to work. He works even though he is retired from the federal government with an excellent pension. Our choice, our money. I could light it in flames if I want. Sore subject for me - can’t you tell??
Wear a sweatshirt or jacket with one (instead of 4) character (and with a smaller-sized character too.) It helps. LOL.
For the students themselves, do they usually wear clothes with college’s logo only on campus? It seems the farther away from the campus, the less likely they want to wear it (except during the first semester of their freshman year maybe.) Wearing it on a CTLimo ride to/from the airport is perfectly fine, ditto for going to the Game.
It has been many years, but I still feel somewhat hurt (but proud, especially considering the fact that we came from a very humble beginning a few decades ago) when I think how much we paid for the first two years of our child’s college expenses.
Ditto, albclemom. When my son graduated with highest honors, my cup filled over. I saved so he could attend a private U. I choose a flagship U, a poor fit for me, and I wanted him to have better choices.