Take advantage of your opportunity. That doesn’t necessarily equate to a high-paying job at a prestigious company (though I will admit we were pretty happy S1 got off the parental payroll immediately upon graduation). My other S has not taken advantage of what’s available to him, and I will say, as a parent, that it causes me some resentment. Nine semesters of tuition (even after FA and Staffords) would have put us on a better financial footing for the future.
Never fear. I complain to my D all the time about the cost of her education at Yale. I tell her all the time that I am reduced to eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch each day. I’m just kidding, but I do grouse to her every once in awhile. However, in reality, she knows that it was our choice to send her there with our eyes wide open as to what the sacrifices would be. While we are not starving, the trips to Bora Bora, the granite counter tops, etc. will have to wait four more years. To us it is worth every penny. Your parents sound a lot like us. I say do your best, they are proud of you and just make sure whatever career path you choose you take care of them in their old age. That’s what I’m investing in!!
I complain about price of cable, gas, parking in NYC…but it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy or need those services.
This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. I am not sure if average Joes really care or impressed your kid goes to Cornell or any school (maybe HYPS). How many people really know how much Cornell or any private colleges cost? I think 50% of students at Cornell are on FA. Just because your kid is at Cornell doesn’t mean you are paying full fare.
If you want to impress your friends and neighbors, it would be easier to buy a Telsa and it would be cheaper.
That’s the point. They don’t want the Tesla. By financing their child’s education at Cornell and not buying a fancy sports car, they are showing where they are placing value. No one said anything about paying full fare. I stand by my remarks. Having your son /daughter attend Cornell is a bragging right, and I don’t mean it in a derogatory way.
And that’s my point, if all I care about is a bragging right, it would be easier to own a Tesla because people could see it all the time. Unless I want tell everyone all the time that my kid is going to Cornell, I wouldn’t get as much bang for my buck. I think the bragging right is the fact you could afford Cornell, not because your kid got into Cornell, so what’s there to brag unless you are paying full fare.
“We pay full freight for our daughter at an Ivy. I tell her what she owes me is doing her best, getting involved, making friends, and enjoying the college experience.
Hopefully, she gets decent grades, but the experiences and friends you make there matter.”
- We paid full freight for our D. at Med. School. We do not expect anything in return, We have done our last payment. We decided to pay for her Med. School because of her wise decision to attend in-state public UG on full tuition Merit award. She got decent grades, graduating as a top pre-med in her class, but the experiences and friends she made there mattered even more. Her experiences and opportunities at in-state pubilc went way way beyond our expectations, widened her horizon, expanded her interests and polished he character and various non-academic skills that played crucial positive role at the Medical School. She is graduating from expensive private Med. School full of students from Ivy’s, Stanford,…etc. They are all on the same footing there, nobody is better off for the reason of graduating from one UG college or another, except for one difference, D. will graduate debt free. While there are others who will also be debt free after graduating from Med. School, they are a great minority.
Choosing to pay for med school instead of undergrad is an option worthy of consideration. If only someone is interested in going to med school in the first place.
OP has not indicated any interest in attending med school. But if OP has such passion, then good point. In that case. Which has not been presented here.
If OP wants to go to PhD programs instead, most worth attending are funded, I’m told. Various terminal master’'s programs may be of short enough duration that the debt incurred may be more tolerable. Law school is another big ticket these days, but not as big as med school. But apparently only T14 is worth attending these days, and admission to same is not guaranteed, even from Cornell.
On the other hand OP could save money, go to the worse school that is cheap but he/she liked much less. , Then find out he/she doesn’t want med school after all. Gets turned on by sociology. Or stinks at Organic chemistry. Or goes all the way to the end, then gets a stinky MCAT score.Then is just stuck at a school OP likes much less than first choice, with less intelligent and motivated fellow students to learn from and hang out with. and with a degree from the worse school to try to get a job with.
My D2 was never interested in med school, no matter how much I tried to convince her. Too bad, she could have done it maybe. Thankfully she has been able to suppport herself, so far, knock on wood, with just her undergrad degree. From Cornell. No telling if she would have gotten those same jobs, clear across the country, with a degree from a less reputed school. my guess is no, probably degree value of regional school x would be more local. but who can say?
Maybe everyone should just got to community college and then the cheapest four year school they can find, no matter what. It’s possible.
But OP preferred to try Cornell and OPs parents were willing to spring for it. They could have pushed the community college to cheapest possible college plan. But they didn’t.
I’m not saying bragging rights are the sole motivation. But its one of the perks. One does not have to have it on constant display as you might with a sports car. It can be an ace in the hole, something you dont flash around all the time, just as you might only ride that sports car on special occasions and not to work every day.
I’m not sure about the bragging business; I find that many people react strangely, so although I am not actively hiding it, I usually steer the conversation away from where my child attends college. On CC, it’s fine to mention Yale, but not so fine with the sibling’s hockey team.
In my neighborhood, for example, I’ve shared the information with one neighbor, who attended Yale Law. I will put window stickers on my car eventually. Incidentally, I have a deposit down on a Tesla Model X 
When talking about paying for college (in full!) we have used the term, The Last Great Gift. Certainly they know that while we can buy the new stove, we have to put off the kitchen remodeling, etc. Also since both are girls, we have used The Last Great Gift to remind them that the bulk of what we have for them is being spent on their college educations and won’t be available for blow-out weddings! It is our way of stressing our pride, expectations, and being cognizant of the costs.
@Miller514 I’m with @IxnayBob. The “bragging right” thing is overblown. I’ve had enough conversations already w/people who don’t know how to react to my HS senior’s college choices as a graduating senior – even though they were the ones who asked. I avoid it b/c it can create an instant gulf in many circumstances.
Look there are no doubt some people in some communities who parade their kids’ schools around like they are a Tesla.
But my point was, that is not what is going on here.
OPs parents are from there, live there, work there. The school is an integral part of them. It is in their soul;.
They are thrilled to be able to help bestow this heritage on to OP. With their greatest love, as a treasured gift.
Ithaca is not a “trophy” community.
Maybe one has to have lived there to understand.
Another thing is, some times reporting a result that happens to be good is perceived as bragging by people who are jealous. When really it’s just reporting a result that happens to be good. “Bragging” might be more in the mind of the jealous receiver of the information, and may not reflect any real intent of the person relaying the information. Sometimes.
But again, that’s a digression that IMO has no real place here.
(As long as I’m digressing though, I would like to drive a Tesla. Not own one but just check one out.)
It has taken me the better part of a year to not have a long preface before I tell someone where our daughter goes to school, when and if they should ask. For me it is a matter of humility and an acknowledgment of our daughters good fortune. A friend of ours whose son is a Harvard alumnus calls it dropping the H bomb. There has been quite a gamut of responses, from kind and thoughtful to incredibly peculiar.
Again, I am not saying bragging is in any way wrong. It is pride expressing itself in a slightly different way. Imo, we should all be proud that we are helping our kids get through the college years, no matter where they go. Any time you are wearing a shirt, hoodie, ball cap, ect., emblazoned with the logo of your child’s college or university, it is a subtle form of bragging. And I personally think its great.
Being humble is a great thing, too, I get that. I feel that way at times with some of my life’s blessings.
Monydad, my son also hopes for the opportunity to test drive a Tesla.
I am hoping the OP chimes in here and says whether or not any of these responses have been enlightening.
My boss has a Tesla. He picked me up in it for our first meet and greet dinner. I give him grieve about it all the time. It has the biggest computer screen I have seen in a car, bigger than a laptop. I told him it should be illegal to have something like that in a car. It’s too much distraction.
Except that you may also meet many parents who will keep reminding you that YOUR money is not used wisely (as if they know how to use your money more wisely than you), or worse, accusing you as a “prestige whore”.
Not sure whether owning a Tesla would fewer potential repercussions, i.e., having fewer “enemies” (at least no offsprings are involved here.)
I once read an article in which the author said he would send his child to the “best” college he/she could get in, not because he believes the college is the best; it is because he does not want his child to wonder whether she/he misses something in the rest of her/his life.
@Mom22039, I like the concept of the last great gift. Hopefully, my child’s future inlaws will agree at this.
Well you could buy the child a house/condo with the money instead (or, in these parts, provide the downpayment). That’s a pretty great gift the in-laws might appreciate too.
[Or maybe buy a second house for child to live in, but retain ownership . That way you still have it if something goes wrong.But first mortgage interest is deductible, so that should be considered too.]
Some may argue a house is a real/physical/obviously tangible thing, whereas the benefit of a tonier college is more uncertain/ephemeral. And apparently some here feel the value is more often than not zilch, solely for snob appeal, like having a certain emblem on your otherwise-identical shirt.
One can sell a house, and hopefully get money. An education at school x instead of school y has no resale value. It’s an illiquid investment with highly speculative, uncertain expected investment returns. From that perspective, one shouldn’t pay much for it.
To play devil’s advocate…
Or simply feeling uncomfortable because they can’t afford to send their child to such an expensive school (and their family financial status precludes getting enough financial aid to make it affordable).
One of my kids went to our state university. The other went to Cornell. I was able to happily and freely discuss my son’s experiences at State U with everyone. I had to be much more careful about discussing my daughter’s experiences at Cornell. There was a lot of resentment floating around, and it had to do with money, not with the college’s selectivity.
On day, my husband and I discovered that we had both been telling people the same not-entirely-truthful thing: that we were able to pay for Cornell because we had inherited some money. We did in fact inherit the money, but we could have paid for Cornell without it. Only on CC would I ever admit that.
The popular saying is that you know who your friends are when you’re down and out. Maybe true. For sure it’s true that you know who your friends are when things are going well for you. They’re the ones who are honestly happy for you (or your child).