<p>I was listening to Dennis Prager the other day, and he was talking about how he thinks its an obligation for a spouse to remain “fit” not only for themselves but for their partner. People called in and agreed to some extent but some callers were irate. What do you think about it? (he’s assuming here that when you married or got together you were fairly fit in the first place. I guess he’s talking about letting oneself “go”).</p>
<p>I think it’s a sign of respect for one’s spouse. I think it means you don’t take him/her for granted and that you continue to want to please him/her.</p>
<p>That said, I think keeping fit out of respect for oneself is more important. But hey – whatever gets you motivated to get fit/stay fit is a good thing in my book!</p>
<p>My husband and I used to have a running joke that getting fat is a ground for divorce. We have both gained 5-10 lbs since we first met. In my case, it is not due to any exercise because I am a true couch potato on weekends. Both of us are careful about what we eat, and we are pretty good at putting ourselves together when we have to.:)</p>
<p>I think there is a difference between remain “fit” and feeling good about how one looks. I know a few women who are happier, therefore look better, when they are enjoying food and few lbs heavier. They have their hair styled nicely and wear very presentable clothes. I also know some women who are over exercised and obsessed with diet, and they looked “dried up.”</p>
<p>It would bother me if my H always looked like a slop - bad hygiene, still wears 80s clothes, wears food on his face. When we go out, I would expect him to put on appropriate outfit to look good. My H is very metro, so he is probably more vain than me.:)</p>
<p>The topic did get me thinking because my husband did pile on some pounds when he took on a very stressful new job a few years ago. I knew why it was happenning and thought he’d come to terms with it, which he did. It took a couple of years but he did it on his own without me mentionning it. It would have really hurt him if I had.</p>
<p>The appearance issue is one thing but the health issue is far more important. If you are fit, your body should be better able to deal with and avoid injuries as you age. Injuries can be costly in terms of time and pain and the effect that it has on others in that it requires others to have to help you or do your chores while you are recovering.</p>
<p>^^ Circumstances count for a lot. I also took on a stressful job and gained dozens of pounds … long hours at work, bad food, no exercise, etc. For me, my weight is an indicator of what’s going on in my life. In that sense weight gain is a good thing in that it tells me I need to make some adjustments.</p>
<p>I’ve been married 24 years. My H has a very stressful job. If you were to take pictures over the years it would be like those pictures that show how much the President has aged.<br>
I am not crazy about the fact that he is out of shape and doesn’t take the best care of himself but he is not a child and I am not his mother. I prepare healthy foods at home, I often make up a lunch for him to take to work. I go to the gym myself but don’t push him to go.<br>
Does he need to make adjustments as NewHope mentions? Yes. Is it my job to push or force him to make those adjustments? Nope.</p>
<p>Ever notice how it’s usually men who say those things, and are generally speaking about their wives? </p>
<p>If things are going well in the relationship, and there is an emotional connection, most women will want to stay attractive to their mate. “Attractive” may include fitness, but it includes many other things as well, such as dressing well, maintaining one’s grooming even when bumming around at home, etc. It is one piece of the emotional and physical ties of a marriage.</p>
<p>But to make it another “obligation”? As many men say it is the wife’s “obligation” to have sex no matter how emotionally distant or physically unattractive the man has become? No, thanks.</p>
<p>When I am stressed, I don’t eat. I would drink Ensure between meetings if I have to. I eat when I am happy. I associate eating with feeling good.</p>
<p>For my husband’s 25th college reunion they printed up a big book with their freshman photos and everyone could write in what they’ve been up to since graduation. I sat down and read a ton of them even though I hardly knew any of them. It was fascinating. One cracked me up though, a Master of the Universe type on Wall street (pre-crash) who mentionned how happy he was with his wonderful “fit and trim” wife. Reminded me of a dog food ad or something!</p>
<p>Depends on the meaning of “fit”. If you define “fit” as “healthy”, then I think ABSOLUTELY there is an responsibility to remain fit for your spouse. I know I want H around as long as possible, and I think ( 
) he feels the same about me.</p>
<p>I think there is a responsibility to keep fit for one’s spouse. Definitely.</p>
<p>That’s probably the biggest problem in my marriage. Hubby has gained almost 100 pounds in the 24 years of our marriage and has, in the last two years, started to have the health problems one would expect with blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol being too high. The doctor really worries about it because he carries all of that weight in the middle. Hubby doesn’t see the problem, doesn’t view himself as heavy (even though he fits in the morbidly obese category) and won’t do anything about it. I still have a little kid at home, so I make sure hubby’s will and insurance are up to date. Nothing else I can do. My sister was widowed last month and in addition to missing my BIL and suffering for my sister, it rocked my marriage because I don’t want to be a young widow. But it’s out of my control. Anyway, I believe that being healthy and striving to be well-groomed and attractive is an important responsibility of being married.</p>
<p>after losing a parent, suddenly, at a very young age, and seeing what that did to our family, it is both mine and my husband’s responsibililty to stay healthy…and overly prepared for whatever life can bring us…</p>
<p>yes, it has made me a little paranoid as I get older but so be it…</p>
<p>It’s hard to convince a spouse about health issues. My wife has had a chronic rotator cuff issue which she had treated many years ago with electroshock and other therapy. It has returned on and off (more on than off lately). I gave her a book back then with exercises and stretches which would have kept her healthy. The exercises and stretches take about two minutes a day (I do them a few times a week even though I’ve never had rotator cuff problems). She does her own exercise routine but not these exercises.</p>
<p>I think there should be a responsibility to keep fit. You don’t have to weigh exactly what you did when you got married (though my dh does), but I’d be unhappy if he were morbidly obese unless of course there were physical reasons for it. Luckily stress sends him off to the gym. I’m in pretty good shape (I’ve been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for years), but I really need to work on losing a few pounds.</p>
<p>I am lucky: still “looking fit” (<120 lbs) after all these years. But looks aren’t everything. I became Type I diabetic as an autoimmune response when I was pregnant with my first child. I also recognize some ailments I’ve always had, but were recently diagnosed: ADD, SAD, and anxiety. </p>
<p>My H is incredibly supportive, and in fact jokes about all these things (esp the ADD). He would prefer I stop dressing in clothes that I’ve had since high school and also looking like a teenage boy (sometimes, I’ve discovered my boys wearing MY pants!), but I know what’s really important is to stay healthy.</p>
<p>"I think it’s a sign of respect for one’s spouse. I think it means you don’t take him/her for granted and that you continue to want to please him/her.</p>
<p>That said, I think keeping fit out of respect for oneself is more important. "</p>
<p>I agree. Keeping fit also isn’t just about looking good, it’s about being healthy. Someone who doesn’t keep fit may as a result get a chronic, avoidable, debilitating illness and thus doom their spouse to a restricted life as the spouse has to take care of them.</p>
<p>The person who is unfit also may die earlier than normal, something else that would impact their spouse’s life.</p>
<p>I think it’s hilarious that Dennis Prager is saying this. Don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house, and all that.</p>
<p>BC, shoulder and rotator cuff issues are tricky (I know because I have had them on and off over the years). She should be doing the exercises her physical therapist gives her, not something you found in a book that you think “would have kept her healthy”. Unless you are a physical therapist or orthopedic physician (and maybe you are, so say so if you have qualifications that I may not be aware of), she should be following their advice.</p>
<p>Slithey, Dennis isn’t chubby is he? I’ve seen him on CNN and he looks pretty “fit” to me?</p>