Responsibility to keep fit for your spouse?

Parent Cafe
21

<p>Here’s the book. It does a nice job going over the basic anatomy and physiology and has diagnostic procedures to determine what your problem is. It is an older book and there are some new exercises for RC problems that it doesn’t include.</p>

<p>She hasn’t been to a therapist since the problem was mostly resolved the first time. She has a thing against the medical profession.</p>

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22

<p>I think we do owe it to our spouses to remain as healthy and fit as we can be, especially if we expect the same in return.</p>

<p>I have to confess this is easy for me since I value my health and want to look my very best. I don’t feel my husband expects it. He appreciates it, though :slight_smile: My behavior encourages him to do the same. He doesn’t want a wife who is more attractive and feeling a lot younger than himself! </p>

<p>On a more serious note, staying healthy to avoid becoming a burden seems respectful and considerate. To do otherwise brings various forms of hardship, not only to the marriage but to an entire family. If we have dependent children, we owe it to them to take care of ourselves.</p>

<p>My father did not take care of himself at all. As a direct result of his poor choices, he suffered a series of strokes and falls causing multiple fractures. At far too young an age, my mother’s life became one of full-time caregiver. Undoubtedly, seeing my mother’s life limited influenced my viewpoint regarding health and fitness.</p>

23

<p>Responsibility as in looking good for your spouse? Snort.</p>

<p>I do worry about my H’s health though. He’s perennially skinny but he kind of ignores his health. He’s looking tired and worn lately so I’ve been prodding him to take better care of himself-- rest more, do weight resistance training, eat better, etc. So, I guess you could say I feel responsible for keeping my SPOUSE fit.</p>

24

<p>I hadn’t thought about this before until this thread. But I agree with others that say we have an obligation to both ourselves, and to our families, to take care of ourselves. Its a matter of respect, if nothing else.</p>

<p>I know we will both be there for one another, as will our families, if we get ill or incapacitated as the years come upon us. We have that duty to take care of one another. But by the same token, we have a duty to take care of our health if we can. While some illnesses of age are beyond our control, the vast majority are due to lifestyle and choices we make.</p>

25

<p>dke, whenever I’ve seen him in person he’s been pretty portly. Perhaps this has changed lately, which would be all to his credit.</p>

<p>And his marital track record is not unblemished.</p>

26

<p>I agree with the consensus here, but I would add that remaining “fit” and “not letting oneself go” should be expanded to include far more than size and muscle tone.</p>

<p>Here is what I see in my travels:</p>

<p>Mid-lifers who slowly start to drink too much and slur at parties (or worse, drive when they are “buzzed”). </p>

<p>People who become complacent in their careers and then whine when they are “replaced” by cheaper employees. </p>

<p>Individuals who become more and more concentrated in their political beliefs, so that they become extremist bores who spend an inordinate amount of time trying to brainwash the next generation into their way of seeing the world. Yawn.</p>

<p>Folks in their 40’s and 50’s who are already not keeping up with technology, music, movies, humor, etc.</p>

<p>People who let their teeth turn yellow… I’d rather be married to someone who is 100 pounds overweight!</p>

<p>Failure to keep up with minimally contemporary fashions… Rid yourself of those mom jeans - seriously.</p>

<p>Dropping the ball with hair management… When it shows up where it is isn’t supposed to be, make it go away. When it starts to leave where it is supposed to be, change your grooming accordingly. Gentlemen, police your nostrils and ears.</p>

<p>Letting skin care go… Get gross things removed. No one wants to look at them. Funky stuff grows on old people. Fight back. </p>

<p>Smelliness… Mind the olfactory sense. It wanes as we age. Use less perfume. Shower daily, and never wear clothes twice without washing. Yes, young people can smell you. Don’t be smelly as you age. Carry mints or gum. Use them.</p>

<p>Gross abodes… Update your surroundings so you don’t live in a haunted house. Open your windows and air it out. Don’t be one of those old people with a stuffy house. Wash your linens regularly so that your bedroom doesn’t smell disgusting. </p>

<p>Shrinking brains…Keep reading good books. Stay mentally fit.</p>

<p>Disappearing lives…Maintain your own friends and interests.</p>

<p>For some reason, I feel that weight is unfairly in the crosshairs these days. There are many ways that we can let our families down, or be a nuisance or a burden (to varying extents) to those we love.</p>

27

<p>My husband takes better care of himself than I do by exercising daily. He looks about 10-15 years younger than his real age. I’m more of a CC potato(not couch potato) but I watch what I eat carefully. I do some excercise daily but I’m not a fanatic. We both are not on any medication or popping vitamins to the excess. I have some of the problems similar to limabeans but I don’t think they are serious enough. I’m just more aware that I don’t like winter period. I still wear the same clothes that I purchased 10 year ago without any problem. In fact, I have not purchased any new clothes recently. We like to stay healthy because we like to grow old together, now that empty nest is really looming.</p>

28

<p>I am with spideygirl 100%.

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29

<p>The only problem I have with this premise is that 90% of the times I’ve heard people talk about keeping fit as a marital responsibility, it’s been men complaining about their wives gaining weight. Without applying the same standards to themselves.</p>

30

<p>I don’t think that’s really the case. I think more men are “pressured” in having to look good now, especially when so many women are having those good looking trainers.:slight_smile: Not me, because I don’t exercise.</p>

31

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<p>I agree completely. Some do perhaps, but most do not.</p>

32

<p>Oh, Spidey, I’m laughing so hard I have a stomachache!! Thanks for that. I’m sending it to my sister.</p>

33

<p>spidey’s post #26 - priceless!!!</p>

34

<p>I’m in the category with those who believe we owe it to our families to stay healthy. </p>

<p>I also know I’m much happier when I feel and look my best, and that impacts the family too.</p>

<p>During the holidays I caught up with an old friend at a party. He had recently left his wife and had no hesitancy in telling me (and a group of guys) it was because she was now over 200 pounds and he had stopped being attracted to her. This was a long marriage.</p>

<p>I really wonder what the look on my face was. I was speechless. 20 odd years later the partnership was still about physical attraction for this man. He proceeded to tell me about the young, beautiful woman he was now with. I had always thought of this man as smart, nice and reasonable. Really made me wonder how many men think this way–are just wired this way. I’m always astonished to read about the numbers having affairs.</p>

35

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<p>Having spent many years listening to men talk when (they think) no women are around, my opinion is that the answer to your question is “too many.” The things I’ve heard!</p>

36

<p>On the other hand, I have a friend who is absolutely beautiful as she approaches 60. But along the way, as menopause hit, she put on about 20 pounds or so. She was too thin for the earlier part of her adult life. So she looks filled out but still really great in a bathing suit. Her husband however, thinks she should look like she did at 30 and has made nothing but disparaging comments over the years over this little bit of weight. This, after she gave him FOUR kids. Some men need to grow the hell up and accept that no one can look 20 forever.</p>

37

<p>I agree with 31 and with 35, and with 36 (cross-posted) </p>

<p>Answering the general question, I think we have a “responsibility” both to ourselves and to our loved ones to be the best we can be, physically and non-physically. That said, anyone who is intolerant about the inevitability of the aging process for both genders is someone I have no respect for. </p>

<p>So I look good (I’m told) for my age, and few people believe I am old enough to have even college-aged kids. That should be more than enough for any spouse of either gender. The arrogance of middle-aged men with balding heads and pot bellies or love-handles, who believe they’re entitled to 20-something-looking models, forever, is an arrogance that I find way more unattractive than overweight.</p>

38

<p>Many health care costs are related to obesity and poor dietary habits and these costs are passed on to others. Keeping healthy is something we owe ourselves, our families, our coworkers and our countrymen. I hate to think of the amount of money the younger generation will be obliged to pay to cover the baby boomers health care needs and a lot of the cost is avoidable. Hopefully, public pressure will result in a fitter society in the coming years. Of course it’s not just the baby boomers who are unfit, go to any WalMart and look around. I heard a doctor say the other day, " If you’re not limber at 60, you will be in real trouble at 80. Every day, I see people much younger barely able to walk due to obesity and many are on disability. We need a public campaign similar to the cigarette campaign and I don’t care if it’s discriminatory or politically incorrect. Good health habits should be promoted everywhere. Every person has a duty to take care of themselves to the fullest extent possible for the good of everyone.</p>

39

<p>As someone who has had a bird’s eye view of many middle aged men and their 20 and 30 something girlfriends, trust me, they get what they deserve. They don’t feel loved, and for good reason.</p>

40

<p>This is a great thread. Thanks for the laugh (and insights!) Spidey. I should cut that one out and post it somewhere. </p>

<p>Not to get into a downer, but anyone have a spouse they can’t keep up with? I’m blessed to have a hot and young looking spouse…and now cursed by it as well. I just don’t think I can keep up with him. </p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t at all suggest I’m not keeping up with him. He does nothing to fuel my insecurity whatsoever and he’s the greatest, most loving and attentive spouse a woman could ask for but it’s also hard to be married to someone like this, at this age!</p>

<p>I work out and eat well, wear size 6, no gray hairs or glasses yet at 46, I try to stay current. But hubby is in such good shape after decades of fitness (his resting heart rate is 40!), and he hasn’t changed a bit. Everyone says to him “you can’t possibly have teenagers!” (a comment I have never received). The bottom line is he doesn’t seem to be aging along with me! </p>

<p>I’ve spent a lifetime of hearing about his looks, which I used to find charming. Everyone from his mothers’ friends, to guys I work with, to his students (he receives an outrageous number of “chili peppers” on ratemyprof and you would not believe the kinds of emails and comments he occasionally receives from his students). </p>

<p>But as I head into menopause and the wrinkles are deeper and the pounds go on more easily, what used to be charming is now feeling annoying. We clearly don’t age at the same rate, and you can only do so much with fighting against mother nature. Sigh. </p>

<p>Anyone have a cure?</p>