I would love to work part time, but I don’t think that is an option for me. My main interest is running, and I run every day and still race. But- you can only run so much a day at my age! It will allow me to do some cross training and more strength work, which I need. I also won’t be as tired all the time once I’m not working. This is a great thread and I can see how it is an issue for couples who really haven’t spent a lot of hours together in the house for a number of years!
@MomofWildChild, are you a solitary runner or would you enjoy a running club?
“years ahead of time, start building your own life and interests outside of work/parenting!”
Good advice but when you are working a job that requires 60+ hours of work before retirement, there isn’t a lot of time. The first few months I was happy to just sleep and read a lot.
Dh retired somewhat unexpectedly about a year ago and it’s been an interesting ride. I really appreciate the honesty of the thread too and will admit that it kind of drives my nuts because my h is home. All day. Every day. He says he’s completely content. I can leave in the morning with him reading in a particular spot and come home hours later and he’s in the same spot! I’m working very hard to not be judgmental but, well, I am a bit. I also agree about missing having the house to myself and having no one around during long conversations with a friend, my mother, etc. I’m most certainly not talking about dh or sharing anything I wouldn’t share with him but it’s just different.
In advance of having an empty nest, I did start to play bridge. Dh played when he was younger so brushed up and we now play together about once a week. Also, dh has always been the cook in the family. So his main activity is doing the majority of the marketing and making dinner for us. The biggest advantage is the flexibility to travel and we’ve gone on some great trips during the last year.
@Midwest67, I noticed that you mentioned you and your h may not stay together. I’m sorry for your challenges and wish you well with whatever lies ahead for you.
@Nrdsb4 I generally run by myself because on weekdays it happens early in the morning before work. I am involved in some running groups, but even though I am still a top runner for my age, most of the group runners are younger and faster and I wind up alone anyway! I am active in the running community, though.
And then it would start all over again in less than 12 hours. That’s what I didn’t(don’t) like about working full time.
One problem I saw with my dad, my brother, and several of my colleagues was that those who defined themselves by their work seemed to have a tougher retirement transition due to identity loss. My dad was a big fish in a big pond for many years, and when he no longer had that office/title/respect, he was depressed by what he felt he had lost. It took him a while to understand what he had gained and begin to re-identify himself. Similarly, for my brother, it took three tries before he could permanently cut the cord. The job was just too much a part of him.
For us, work was always just a means to an end. It didn’t matter what the content was, how much we were paid, or what our titles and responsibilities were: We viewed our jobs solely as a way to pay the bills and fund retirement. When our retirement nut was met, we had no trouble turning off the spigot and embracing the end goal. DH and I retired at the same time about two years ago. I haven’t looked back, but he continues to consult sporadically to fund things outside our retirement budget, like a little sports car he’s always wanted. Again, the work is a means to an end, not something he does because of some inner need.
So, in addition to @abasket’s good advice to start early building your own life and interests, I would add that you should also start early separating your identity from your work.
We recently met with a financial advisor to see how realistic our retirement timeline was (instead of the seven years we projected, he said my H could retire any time, so we’re now looking at two years). He gave us a book to read - “Revitalizing Retirement” by Nancy Schlossberg. Haven’t read it yet, but his point was that he’s known too many clients who didn’t know how to handle their retirement well, and far too many who died within the first year. Gulp! I’m not worried in my H’s case because he has many interests/networks outside of work. But perhaps some of you might want to check the book out and see if it’s relevant to your situation.
I’m worried because I have a job where I get a lot of validation and come home with a lot of interesting stories. There is a lot of variety and I work with great people. But…I’m getting tired.
Any chance of scaling back and working part-time, @MomofWildChild? It seems like your company values you so perhaps they would be amenable.
Or do they offer a sabbatical so you could test it out?
Probably not. It’s pretty much a full time thing. I’m available way past working hours if something comes up, too.
I’m paying close attention to this thread. I can retire now (57) but my husband can’t retire until next year, when he turns 60.
Like @ChoatieMom described, my husband’s identity is very tied to his work. I am not sure I would be happy retiring, and having him work several more years, because I want to travel, and I don’t think he’d be happy with me traveling a lot without him. I describe my husband as having 2 speeds - on, very high energy, competitive, get the work done, and off, as in sitting in the rocking chair doing whatever for hours, or watching sports on TV. I’m afraid he might relax a little too much in retirement. I am also not sure what I will do once I retire, but I have more friends and will find things to do, for myself and for both of us (I mean that in a good way).
Last year I took a new position with much less responsibility. My pay is the same, but I admit I’m kind of bored not having “big problems” to solve. A single friend of mine Recently said “weekends are long when you don’t have a significant other to hang out with,” and that really made me think.
The good news is we like each other, and we travel well together (husband really doesn’t travel well with others though, which is kind of frustrating). The financial guy says we have plenty of money, but I can’t help but worry. One minute I see us as the cool “young” retirees, and the next as the “old, broke retirees.”
I don’t think it’s a violation to suggest people read bogleheads or other retirement forums. There are lots of interesting stories. I can’t think of many people who were sorry they retired.
" I describe my husband as having 2 speeds - on, very high energy, competitive, get the work done, and off, as in sitting in the rocking chair doing whatever for hours, or watching sports on TV. I’m afraid he might relax a little too much in retirement."
Perhaps his “off” speed is a counter to his “on” speed, a form of recuperation. He might find things to do in retirement that will fill his “on” or he might moderate his behavior where he won’t need the “off” as much because the “on” won’t be so exhausting.
@doschicos, I get what you’re saying and you may be correct. He was furloughed earlier this year, and after the first several days he did find some productive things to do. He actually said he was ready for retirement after the furlough, and he wasn’t going to let work interfere with other things, but soon after the furlough ended, so did his plan.
@1214mom My MIL was sorry she retired! 
She had a part-time job for years and when she turned 68 she decided that was “enough” and turned in her keys. Three months after she retired they called her and asked if she was bored yet - she grabbed that job back and worked another 15 years. Seriously, this happened. She worked until her mid 80s, it gave structure to her days and once she finally retired for good, she lost a step. I feel like my spouse is a bit like his mom - he may never want to retire but I think the key to his working on after normal retirement ages come and go is to make sure he still gets to do the interesting stuff but also gets to put less time in.
My dad retired as a professor at 78, reluctantly. He is still involved in consulting and start-up companies. His heart surgery has slowed him down, but if he recovers I know he’ll be back at it.
Have we heard from many men on this thread re: their or their wives retirement? I’d like to hear!
I could walk away from my job tomorrow, after writing code for 35 years I’m kind of burned out on it, it doesn’t give me the satisfaction it used to, and it’s gotten harder. We just bought an expensive waterfront house on Cape Cod and just finished up an expensive renovation, so we will still have a pretty good-sized mortgage in retirement. As a result DW isn’t ready for me to walk away yet, even though we met with a retirement guy to prove that I could.
Financially the biggest hang-up would be health insurance. We’ve always gotten it through my job, and DW is self-employed, so we’d have to figure something out, as we are a long way from Medicare. Through the exchange, insurance is $20-25k/year for people our age, which is a big nut.
We are trying to sell the family home right now (no offers yet, erghh) and will get an apartment close by and split our time between there and the Cape. I’m a little nervous about being in a small apartment, we have always had our own space in the house (and still do in the Cape house). Compared to the trauma of cleaning out the house, I don’t think it will be a big deal.
I don’t think I’d have any trouble finding things to do - I play a couple of musical instruments and would love to take lessons and have more time to practice. Maybe learn a new instrument. I want to buy a boat. Outdoor work. Maintenance on our rental properties. I’m not averse to getting a part-time job for some spending money, as long as I don’t have to think too hard. 
The kids are local, at some point there will be grandbabies. Etc.
Most people I know who are retired are in the “how did I ever have time to work” category.
DW is a RE agent, and I don’t see her walking completely away from that any time soon. She wants to travel a lot though, like 3-months-in-Australia kind of traveling, which is sort of incompatible with working. Right now she mostly works out of the house, I’m not really sure how she would feel having me around all the time.
Dh’s retirement began sooner than expected. Fortunately, we’d recovered from serious financial setbacks before that happened and he had several meetings with a company provided financial adviser before his last day that reassured him we will be okay. His former employer pays for our medical insurance still, but we will have to buy our own soon. The coverage we chose will cost about $20K/yr for premiums and have a deductible of about $13K for both of us. We’re planning to schedule some operations in the same year and hoping we can take a break for a year before the next round. We’ll start funding our HSA as soon as we’re eligible and try to save that money for the times when our alternate-year plans don’t work out.
As for the rest, it’s not like I dreamed. Medical issues have prevented traveling the way I’d hoped and too much time is taken up with house repairs and maintenance. Dh has logged a lot of hours on computer games and on research for a book he started writing. We don’t really interact any more than we did when he was working, but he’s here and that makes things awkward or frustrating at times. On the other hand, when I was recovering from an injury he really stepped up and handled chores and errands without any reminders or requests, and was more solicitous than he’s been in years.
Dh was in a C-suite role in the final years of his career and I was concerned he’d miss it. He has lunch with some former colleagues every few weeks and afterwards says he’s relieved to not be dealing with all the stuff that plagues them. One has tried to recruit him to return in a consulting role but he keeps refusing. He recently remarked that he hasn’t suffered a single migraine since retiring.
We’ve decided to postpone a decision about selling our house until next year. He’s just not ready and I have yet to find property where I’d like to build. I know that we are fortunate and I appreciate that, but at the same time I’d like to feel more settled.
“Most people I know who are retired are in the “how did I ever have time to work” category.”
Definitely but I know for me that I found the time by not getting near enough sleep. I’m enjoying sufficient sleep now. 