Yes, the reality of having to purchase our own health insurance is rapidly approaching (about four months away). That “reality” definitely detracts from the “fantasy” part of retirement.
We do expect to pay around $20 - $24k per year with high deductibles. Not how I’d like to spend my money. But, we haven’t had a mortgage in years and have lived well below our means. We sold our large-ish home and now live in a much smaller space. We did not want to maintain space that we only needed a couple of times per year. Much cheaper to rent hotels than maintaining unused square footage if we can’t accommodate visiting family. We have moved to a state with no state income taxes. Those were all choices we made so that we had the option of dh retiring early. Everyone makes choices.
Goodness, I am sitting here thinking “I want to work again”. I miss being a therapist so very much.
I worked until 68 but I also worked only a few hours a week for the last few. I am Hard of Hearing now and felt that I should retire. But I miss working with people, emotions, and problems. hmmm. I saw a psychic a few months ago who told me that I was going to come out of retirement very soon. So ?
I thought I wanted to travel but am discovering that that bug has left. We have had many worldly trips and am pretty satisfied now.
Great thread. H cooked dinner tonight–the house reeks of garlic. Nice of him but hope he turns on the fan the next time.
I so agree with the not feeling free to talk on the phone with GF’s. I trick I have learned is to talk while I am in the car and then pull over on a side street and talk more. Today H was gone and BFF and I talked for 1.5 hours and it was so enjoyable.
I wonder if it’s different if both spouses work out of the house, then retire at the same time?
I was a SAHM (with some gigs I did at the kitchen table) so I was home a lot without another adult. My youngest went to school full-time that September, got sick with pneumonia in October, and my husband retired due to health conditions in November. So I went from “whoo-hoo I have some free time again” to feeling like I had another kid for a while, lol.
That’s why I’m up so darn early all the time - to get some time to workout and do some things by myself.
But, my dad never made it to retirement (died at age 55 after a long illness). So I try to remember that when I’m gritting my teeth at my husband being underfoot sometimes.
On the “alone time at home”. Since H has been retired about 2 1/2 years I now notice that he seems much more annoyed when anyone else is at home! D2 noticed this when she was home for a month between graduation and grad school. He can play the tv as loud as he wants, spread out his whatever he is doing into various rooms, leave this pile here and that pile there, eat when and what he wants, etc.
When I read this thread the first day, I was happy for the responders , but I know that isn’t going to be me. I got an advanced degree in nursing, knowing that being home with my husband would be a challenge. I want to work, because I like it. However, it has proven a challenge to find the job in my field. I cannot continue to be a staff nurse for much longer as it is physically challenging.
The empty nest has been a challenge, my husband is an attorney and asks a lot of questions. Without the kids to take some of the focus, I AM the focus. However, I am a supreme introvert and dislike being scrutinized. and innocent comments like, " I see you are doing so and so " get on my nerves after a while. He is a nice guy but is very set in his ways, not willing to grow, and dislikes listening to me. Like my D1 if its not his idea…… interestingly enough, we are close …
I have been working on being my own person, and not always working around him all the time. I have spent a lifetime, accommodating , and compromising for everyone. From childhood on. Eventually it will be ok, because he will adjust but it will be an adjustment.
BTW, sometimes I am on the phone talking about HIM. LOL
It’s interesting how many of you resent having your retired husbands “underfoot”.
I wonder if he feels the same way.
I wonder if this is an important factor in the skyrocketing divorce rate among the 50+ crowd, and especially the 65+ crowd, which has tripled in the last 30 years. If you resent your spouse just for being in the house with you, that wouldn’t seem to bode well.
Why can’t you just go into a bedroom and close the door? Or move to the other side of the house?
^^ I mention in #64 that my H DOES seem to resent others being underfoot!
And it’s more than just being in the house. I’m sure many can speak to that. When my kids were young I loved having them home but if they were in the house all day not really doing anything I’d make them get out and do something! Same concept. Live beyond these walls! Move from the temptation of the tv/computer! Be productive! Do something with meaning you love!
Again, you can’t force that.
(I can’t speak to phone chat…hate talking on the phone! Anything more than a few minutes on the phone is like jail to me!)
Doesn’t that apply equally to you? If you are in the house all of the time with your spouse it means you aren’t living beyond the walls and being productive either.
Do you expect him to leave the house every day for 8-10 hours like he did before he retired?
I feel like this is more of a territorial issue. Your space has been invaded, and you don’t like it.
I believe this is largely a SAHM/work from home issue, because if you are both working outside the house then neither one of you can claim ownership of the space during working hours.
That’s ^ not true. Both my spouse and I have had full-time jobs for 30+ years and both of us love having the house to ourselves when we have free time. We like being together and we like being apart. It’s only going to get worse when we downsize! But if that’s the worst aspect of retirement I am sure we’ll cope.
^^ Have you read the whole thread? Many people expressed their views being the view as the spouse still working - myself included. Not just a SAHM issue.
Living beyond the walls to me means everyone. Working or not working. Child or adult.
My concern is that I not wait too long to retire and then have a health issue or, frankly, just lack the energy to do some of the travel and things we might want to do. I already am a lot more tired.
Not a territorial issue at all here. I thrive on alone time, and I never get it. My H is ALWAYS underfoot when I am home. He likes to do everything together, even all of the grocery shopping. He has been away from home without me ONE night in 25 years, but then again… he has plenty of time at home alone without me. He teaches and is home all summer, Xmas/spring breaks, snow days, etc. I love spending time with him, but not 24 hours/day. I don’t want to be around ANYONE 24 hours a day. That’s one reason I run/lift every morning no matter how tired I am. I just need that time. But I also like to have time at home relaxing by myself with nobody to answer to.
We still have a few years to go before we can “retire” from our first jobs (and get part-time or something else to pay the health insurance). So, I am enjoying this thread a lot, because it’s on my mind a lot.
@notrichenough - on the phone conversations - we are in a 935 sq ft condo. There isn’t really another side of the house! But, that is a choice we have made. It’s not a huge deal - I am certainly not on the phone all the time. Small scale living means low expenditures which is one reason we are going to be able to afford the “nut” as you call it of exorbitant health insurance premiums. Others (such as yourself) prefer to keep a bigger, more expensive home.
I do somewhat agree with the territorial aspect. I was a SAHM. Dh worked long hours. I am used to having my space and time. I don’t think anyone thinks they are more entitled to be at home than their spouse (regardless of whether or not it’s the husband or wife). It’s just an adjustment, which takes time.
Retirement is hard to think about but it’s coming. For my husband, 4 years or so, maybe sooner. I only work 30 hours a week and I will want to continue doing that for a while as I’m younger. I worry about what he will do in retirement - all he has done for so long is work, work, work. His hobbies are watching television and watching more television. Physically he’s in bad shape and that’s curtailed the types of activities we’ve been able to do together. We already spend a lot of time together as it is and I don’t mind that at all, but I’d like to encourage him to find something to do that he enjoys. There are a lot of things I enjoy doing, but I don’t see us doing them together in retirement.
I assume you’ve explained this to your husband, why do you think he is unwilling to give you some alone time?
Downsizing doesn’t have to mean “get the smallest space we can”. If alone time is important to both of you, it’s good that you recognize it now, and you can get a place with an extra room that someone can use as their (wo)man cave, or even get a place with two extra rooms so you can each have an office with a door.
I don’t like the phone either, I consider the phone to be evil and hate talking on it. A 90 minute phone call would be torture. DW and I have an agreement, she makes the phone calls and I kill the bugs in the house. Listening to someone on a 90 minute phone call would be equally excruciating, and I would remove myself from the area. That’s just me though; if your spouse wants to hear your calls and interject things or grill you later on what they heard, that would be annoying.
I like having my H home, I just don’t like the constant comments and questions. I feel under a microscope. I think the adjustment for us comes, because we have led parallel lives . We did not have a ton of day care and I worked many weekends.
My SIL who has not worked for years is telling her H he cant retire??? I think this is unfair. I am ok with my H retiring, he is tired and burnt. Its just when he is around, he controls the environment, and things work around him. Introverts need time alone, It is essential.
I appreciate how everyone is so candid, I don’t live a perfect facebook life. It really helps to work it all out.
@MomofWildChild - I’m tired too! I thought after the kids were in college I’m be filled with energy as I’d have so much less to do… but the opposite happened. I think some of that comes from work having gotten less interesting recently.and not having any teen positive energy around just made me feel older suddenly. I’m working on that, though!
Over the years I have gone nuts with hubby being the third member of my phone calls. I hide from him and it really drives me nuts. He’s curtailed the commentary during phone calls but then later on he’ll be talking about the conversation I had in the phone. I’ve told him every time to knock it off but he has no control. I do hide as much as possible.
My husband will retire in a little over 3 years now. He will be 62. I am presently not working. I am enjoying my time and find plenty to do. I’m rarely bored as long as the weather cooperates and I can get out. We will have retiree health benefits so that is covered.
Will he drive me crazy? Probably. It will be an adjustment. He has tons of hobbies so I don’t worry about that. He thinks he might want to teach a class at the community college. I’m hoping that some day we will have grandchildren and that we will be able to travel more, he promises me that we will, as he is not great at traveling now. His job is demanding and traveling is exhausting for him.
I think he will have projects as he loves to tinker and retirement will give him more time to get things done around the house.
I like to get out of the house and I think that will be the same. We won’t be attached at the hip and although he tells people what to do for a living (engineering management), I’m hoping that things will stay the same where he lets me do my thing and I him.
I get the talking on the phone thing. The other day I was talking to my D about breaking up with her hair dresser. He was making comments. Leave me alone, breaking up with your hair stylist is a big thing
