<p>I’m so totally sick of the word bullies that it’s lost meaning for me. Anyway, sounds like she needs to find alternative roommates as soon as the lease it up tell the mean girls to “shove it where the sun don’t shine.”</p>
<p>So sorry that your DD has to put up with this. Since it is on campus housing, can she finish out to semester and request a housing change for the spring semester? Life is too short to have to live with people who make you feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>I also had to laugh at the “parents cannot sit down” rule, not because it’s funny, but because it is, as my DD would say, “totes ridic.”</p>
<p>There you go. Even in a thread there’s nitpicking. Apparently the word mean is the de rigueur term instead of bully. 
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<p>My kids have been sharing with others in college and now post college…their room mates have always been respectful even if somewhat shy around us in some cases…thankfully we have never come across these kinds of people…speaks volumes about their relationship with their parents. You D knows best but I would be looking to move at the earliest opportunity.</p>
<p>I don’t think I could keep a straight face around those 3. What a joke. Bullies? Mean girls? Born in a barn? Take your pick.</p>
<p>Hope your daughter can find alternate housing. My younger daughter was all set to rent a house with who she thought were friends, then the 2 said they really didn’t think it would work, but wouldn’t say why. D is in a studio apt and is so thankful that it didn’t happen. I seriously think college would be much better if all housing were singles.</p>
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<p>Not too bored, but I’d like be interested in dropping by to visit, as well. </p>
<p>Will be bringing my singing voice and an electric guitar/amp to practice with while OP’s D is out. :D</p>
<p>Seriously, these 3 roommates sound like prime candidates for the front page of the NY Post/Daily News NYC area tabloids or the reality tv show du jour </p>
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<p>Traditionally, children who behaved as badly as the 3 roommates supposedly got a bag of coal from Santa or his parental helpers. However, considering how valuable coal actually is .and considering all the heated pressures from their exhibited huffy over entitled attitudes, .that bag of coal may end up turning into diamonds.</p>
<p>It seems like the room mates have an agenda to drive OP’s daughter out. Beyond rude. No parents can sit- you couldn’t write this script…</p>
<p>Enjoy Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>Shaking my head.</p>
<p>Three post-college young adults here. Varied roommates over the years - sometimes things went smoothly, sometimes less so - but never, never, ever anything like this. On the occasions I visited, I never felt unwelcome. I thought it rude (never voiced) if a roommate did not acknowledge my presence with a simple hi. Guess I had no idea what rude really is.</p>
<p>Roommates’ parents all visited (and sat down when they did so ;)) and no one thought a thing. Some stayed overnight. </p>
<p>I did always remind my kids to take a minute to at least say hi. I would be appalled at the behavior you describe.</p>
<p>My guess - the other girls want your daughter gone. Reasons don’t matter at this point, and I truly don’t think it will change. </p>
<p>You did nothing wrong. Your visit just provided the girls with something to pick about. If you hadn’t stopped by, it would have been something else (like the wine). Time for your daughter to move on.</p>
<p>And I’m sorry. Nothing is worse than coming home to a bad living arrangement.</p>
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<p>Great…the 3 roommates are also exceedingly hypocritical moralistic prigs. </p>
<p>Good for your D to tell them “TOO BAD!”. </p>
<p>While I personally disagree with the 18 to be an adult, to vote, and fight/die in a war and yet, too young to drink on the constitution’s equality under the law concept, I still find it amusingly ridiculous that law breakers are lecturing someone else for performing an act that’s actually legal in her case.</p>
<p>I agree these girls need to hear from an adult that their petty behavior is way out of line. </p>
<p>Do THEY have guests over? If so, She should invite some non-relative ‘older’ (as in parents age) friends over for a get together. Check out the CC list of parents who live close to various colleges for some new friends. </p>
<p>If this is an on-campus apartment, there should be an RA-type around to mediate this and tell these mean girls they are way out of line.</p>
<p>Totally disagree nj2011mom…they don’t need a parent to intervene. These girls can work it out or they can’t but it doesn’t require a parent to “get involved.” The D can tell the girls they are out of line, it’s a rare person who would put up with these petty whining and complaining roommates, while certainly finding new roommates when the lease is up. There’s nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself when people are being unreasonable. There’s even seminars around the country devoted to teaching kids how to stand up for themselves if they don’t know how…no parent intervention needed here.</p>
<p>I think she should start looking for a new room for the next semester ASAP.</p>
<p>Can an RA mediate the rules and agreements from now until the time she moves out? I think I’d be counseling my D to define things clearly with them in a way all consider fair. I’m more concerned about what happens next than what happened on the day you visited. </p>
<p>If she says she can handle it solo, believe her. She’s not a freshman. If she (not you) feels abused in the near future, then your D is always free to ask an RA to moderate a discussion to hammer out rules. If they don’t agree to attend a 4way meeting, the RA can meet with just those 3, shuttle diplomacy.</p>
<p>Some here say she should move out. It’s one answer. IMO If instead she could initiate a new deal she could live with, seeking help from an RA, hat’d be quite a growth and learning experience for your D. Maybe something good could come from this unpleasant experience.</p>
<p>Or, just keep listening to her vent.</p>
<p>She’s an upperclassman, not a freshman. She should tell her daughter to either work it out or arrange different housing. The more Mom listens to and engages in her daughter’s drama, the more the daughter is going to continue bringing it up.</p>
<p>To put it bluntly, the daughter needs to sh** or get off the pot.</p>
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<p>The OP’s D can try to ask the RA to mediate. </p>
<p>However, considering how badly the 3 roommates are treating her and acting beyond the pale according to OP’s account, it’s very likely this situation’s already deteriorated beyond the ability of most RAs. Instead, it may need to be escalated to someone above the RA like an assistant/full residential life director.</p>
<p>I’m curious about something. Was your D involved in any discussion at the beginning of the semester in which the girls established the ground rules (such as no parents can sit down!)? If the other three came up with a list of do’s and don’ts without input from your D, I agree they are just being bullies. The comments on the wine is another indication of that. Looking for things to be nit picky about and gang up on her about.</p>
<p>I think an RA would be able to get to the bottom of this. If I were an RA in this situation, I would go in, listen to both sides and then tell the other three that they are crazy and to cut the crap :)</p>
<p>Just a thought: Is it possible the OP’s daughter is weak at picking up non-verbal cues? Surely if she knew 2 of the roommates prior to living with them, there should have been signs. My own DD is like this, and it did result in a bullying situation. She eventually shut down the bully by pretending to misunderstand the barbs being sent her way. No matter how rude the girl was, DD would smile and act like everything was good. </p>
<p>I hope OP’s DD has some real friends. Cannot imagine having to live with these fools. I am definitely available for a pop in!</p>
<p>All seemed fine until her 3 roommates went out of town together for a weekend but D stayed behind because it was her bday. (They did invite her) She wanted to celebrate with friends that were of legal age instead of going with them. Things turned odd after that and then my visit happened. My D has a lot of friends on all sides of campus so she is able to take herself out of the apt for awhile and frequently.</p>
<p>Whoa. My brain just did a cartwheel and looked at this thing from a different perspective. Is it possible that the roommates see your D as an older girl who thinks she’s too good for them?</p>
<p>I’m not saying your D really is that way. But if they perceive her that way, then they might perceive their own behavior as a defensive move rather than an aggressive move.</p>
<p>I’m just throwing that out there.</p>
<p>There could be some context here- maaaybe something else led up to this. But the bottom line is they sound off. I’d be tempted to send a box of candy, with a note: thank you for letting me wait there for my ride. Hope to see you again soon.</p>