<p>None of my kids has shown any sign of heading toward marriage any time soon, but as they are all in their 20s, we’ve been attending a bunch lately. I’ve been collecting ideas from each one that I really like.</p>
<p>One bride had her attendents come in from different doors in the back, and stood “scattered” around the couple. The female attendants came in first, then male attendants (to some percussion piece) came in and joined them. I liked the symbolism of both male and female friends supporting the “couple” rather than “his and hers.”</p>
<p>One bride teaches kindergarten Sunday School, and wanted to include her students somehow. They came in just before the ceremony - girls carried poles with streamers, boys carried tamborines - and they walked up one aisle and down another shouting “Here comes the bride.” Adorable. </p>
<p>Another friend’s son married a dancer. Prior to the beginning of the ceremony, while people were still arriving, several dance friends (who were also bridesmaids) danced to some love song while a slide show of photos of the bride and groom growing up were on a screen. Those of us who arrived early really enjoyed it. My H even asked them if they could get married again the next week.</p>
<p>One bride had her attendants in two-toned dresses (purple and ocre, I think). The friends wore one color, with trim of the other. The siblings of the couple wore the second color with trim of the first.</p>
<p>We’ve received several lovely “save the date” cards, too. My favorite was a refrigerator magnet of the bride and groom making goofy faces (a la photo booth strips.)</p>
<p>Well, I’m glad to “hear” some posts praising things couples did after all the criticisms. I’m with aibar–it annoys me to think that the guests at my kid’s wedding might be sitting there “judging” everything that happens at the wedding. </p>
<p>My own kid and spouse to be have done several of the things criticized in this thread. I admit that after living the experience, I’ll be less critical myself of anything I think a bit “odd” or “tacky” at a wedding. I think it’s a real cause to celebrate when a young couple–or a not so young couple–make the leap of faith to make the commitment of marriage. </p>
<p>Who cares if they sleep on a blow up mattress or use folding chairs and a poker table as a dining room set? Who cares if they want things for X-box or china or silver? Or whether there’s a cash bar? That the invitation specifies black tie? </p>
<p>This “black tie” thing has me puzzled. In my memory, if the wedding was after 6:00 p.m., it was presumed that the men would be wearing black tie. You certainly didn’t specify it on the invitation.</p>
<p>I went to a wedding in the UK last year where all the men were in morning coats and striped trousers, with waistcoats. Thank goodness I had seen Four Weddings and a Funeral and brought the proper attire.</p>
<p>I was trying to make the point that in my day of attending numerous weddings (late 70s, early 80s) you never put “Black Tie” on the invitation. If the wedding started at 6:00 p.m. or later, it was presumed that it was black tie. Putting “Black Tie” on the invitation itself was considered “tacky.”</p>
<p>“We don’t drink much, but have friends who drink both a large volume and expensive brands.” </p>
<p>If you don’t drink or don’t drink much, there’s not a thing wrong with just serving soft drinks, or serving soft drinks / wine / a signature cocktail if you don’t wish to fund a full bar. People who “need” to drink at a wedding to have an enjoyable time have a problem, IMO. And it’s not yours.</p>
<p>The last-minute seamstress story above reminds me:</p>
<p>I had a small box that contained 2 spools of thread (one matched my gown and the other matched the bridesmaids dresses), a needle, and small embroidery scissors.</p>
<p>It came in handy when I discovered that my floor-length veil had been sewn onto the front of my headpiece. :D</p>
<p>My wedding was sorta black tie - wedding party and close relatives all wore black tie and it was after 6 pm. I didn’t request black tie on the invitations, but I was a bit irritated by one clueless guy who came in a polo shirt. :eek: Everyone else was appropriately dressed for a formal wedding.</p>
<p>So what is proper attire now at a wedding? The dresses at my son’s wedding ranged from ones that looked like summer beach wear, to full length and formal. I think people have no idea what to wear anymore. And has anybody ever heard that you don’t wear black, or white, to a wedding? Apparently nobody else has.</p>
<p>Depends on the wedding, obviously! What you’d wear to a barefoot wedding on the beach isn’t what you’d wear to a sit down dinner at the Ritz!
People have worn black to weddings for years - - everyone knows that a LBD is chic, and no one is mistaking it for funeral wear.</p>
<p>A few years ago, my DH stood up for his best friend at his wedding, which was held outside on his property during the summer. I would say guests were dressed up but with more of a casual outdoorsy feel – I wore a yellow linen suit with colorful embroidery, but could have easily worn a sundress with a cardigan and been fine. Anyway, the groom wore a linen shirt and nice khakis and DH was more dressed up than the groom - he had on a lightweight suit. We were a little surprised that the groom didn’t put on a jacket for his own wedding, but hey, his call, not ours!</p>
<p>My sister was married in a cave. Many of the guests were in jeans. (Palazzo pants were popular then, so that’s what I wore.) The reception was later in the day, and everyone went home (or hotel) and dressed up for that.</p>
<p>A friend of mine who was mother of a bride confided that her D was having a black wedding - all the attendants in black, and mother of bride and groom also were asked to wear black. I was a bit surprised that the bride was “allowed” to tell the mothers what to wear. Then she admitted that the bride wanted to also request guests to wear black, but she talked her out of putting that on the invitation. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a bride telling guests what to wear.</p>
<p>3bm, I’m not sure that there’s a true definition of ‘proper attire’ to fit every wedding. My D and her H had formal attire, as did her wedding attendants (long gown) but no one else wore a long dress or a tux. Although there were a range of different dresses/suits, no one dressed in what I would call casual or anything close to beach wear. One of her friends wore a short, white dress which didn’t bother my D, the bride, but certainly bugged her sisters! Several of the women at the wedding wore black dresses. I think those bladk and white ‘rules’ have long passed. </p>
<p>I think I mentioned in a previous post about the wedding we attended where the groom was of eastern European descent. His family and friends came to the ceremony in very casual wear, e.g., men in golf shirts. At the reception, however, they were all VERY dressed up, much more so than those of us on the bride’s side. I found it interesting, had never seen that before, but apparently it’s very common in that culture. It’s kind of fun to see different wedding customs. </p>
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<p>jonri, bravo! I agree completely.</p>
<p>binx, we attended a ‘black’ wedding like that a couple of years ago. All bridesmaids/attendants and both moms were in black. It was quite stunning, actually. One of my Ds is a bridesmaid this summer and her dress is black, which I think is a pretty popular choice for brides today. I was glad my D who married last year, and also another D who will marry next, chose ‘colorful’ dresses. :)</p>
<p>“I was a bit surprised that the bride was “allowed” to tell the mothers what to wear.”</p>
<p>In ye olden days, the bride was supposed to have the mother / MIL coordinate their colors and style of dress. I don’t think that happens much today, though.</p>
<p>My “ye olden days” wedding had the moms coordinate colors - the idea being they weren’t to clash with each other, and that their corsages should match their dresses. I’m pretty sure that was the protocol way back when in the 80s. I have no idea what mothers do these days.</p>
<p>For my upcoming wedding, I’ve chosen the colors I want the flowers to be. If anyone asks what they should wear I let them know that the wedding is going to be outside (in July = hot!), very casual so dress comfortably, and the flowers will be white roses and purple freesia, if they really want to coordinate. My mother and my fiance’s mother can wear whatever they like. My father, whose normal attire consists of a sweatshirt that reads “I’m retired, this is as dressed up as I get” is very excited about the idea wearing a suit, for reasons unknown. It’s very sweet. The only attendants will be my 2 sons and fiance’s son. My teenage boys will be in khaki’s and polo shirts of some color (I have no idea yet…probably not purple…must go shoppping…) My young niece is going to be the flower girl so I told my sister about the flowers and will let her take it from there. Fiance may be wearing a purple tie, maybe a sport coat, probably not a suit…must go shopping…again…</p>
<p>For my cousin’s upcoming wedding, we bridesmaids were all told to wear matching violet shoes from Zappos and the dress of our choice, any color, solid or print, about $150-$200 price range, tea length. No shawls. It’s a fun idea, and she wants the dresses to be useful for other purposes.</p>
<p>The bride chose the dresses for her grandmothers. There was a little grumbling about that. The bride wanted both grannies to wear high neck big collar dresses to hide their wrinkles. Said that advice came from a bride’s magazine.</p>
<p>Funny story - last week I was out shopping for something to wear to a funeral (not the funny part, obviously), and as I was shopping, I was reminded that I also had to eventually get something for this wedding we’re attending this summer, so all of a sudden I began to question whether I could kill two birds with one stone. I found a couple of dresses at Nordstroms that were more than I would usually be willing to pay for a dress I might wear only once or twice. But I somehow was able to to justify the price if I could use it for both the funeral and the wedding (one of my favorite movies is Four Weddings and a Funeral). Unfortunately, the one I fell in love with just didn’t fit me properly and I didn’t have time for alterations since I was leaving the next day to go to the funeral. So I stopped at White House/Black Market on my way home, and easily found several options for the funeral. Am not sure I’d wear it to a wedding or not… will have to give it some thought; I could be done shopping for my summer events.</p>
<p>Anyway, when I was holding a couple of dresses that I was looking at at Nordstroms, I asked the sales associate, “Would you wear this to a funeral?” She said yes, as long as she wasn’t the kind of person who was insistent that you can only wear black to a funeral (which I’m not - I just wouldn’t wear bright colors). Then I threw her for a loop and said, “Would you wear it to a wedding?” She said definitely yes. I think she thought I was trying to trick her.</p>
<p>My mom and mother-in-law talked to each other about what they were wearing. They agreed to both wear long dresses, but I think that was it. I didn’t care what they wore, but then I didn’t even tell my one and only attendant what to wear either. I sent her a picture of my dress and told her what color my flowers were and said she was welcome to wear whatever made her happy. A friend of mine got a whole bunch of floral fabric for her bridesmaids and they all chose what style of dress they wanted to make out of the fabric. I can’t remember who did all the sewing.</p>
<p>Back in the day when I got married the mothers were supposed to coordinate with the wedding colours, so for mine any shade of pink/rose. Both mothers agreed, then MIL showed up in bright aqua-teal. Guess who was the center of attention and draws the eye in all photos ;)</p>
…you are all now saying to yourselves OH I GET HER NOW, POOR BULLET :)</p>
My D and her H had formal attire, as did her wedding attendants (long gown) but no one else wore a long dress or a tux. Although there were a range of different dresses/suits, no one dressed in what I would call casual or anything close to beach wear. One of her friends wore a short, white dress which didn’t bother my D, the bride, but certainly bugged her sisters!