<p>So are you Deborah?!</p>
<p>NO I am AMY, my SIL was Deborah, her husband was Raymond, and I am married to Robert and as sad as it seems that is the family, the only difference is my inlaws have a daughter and the show didn’t.</p>
<p>I never use handi-wipes, or sweet n low, but when she comes I make sure I have both. She spends her time wiping down my counters at least 3 to 4 times a day.</p>
<p>Pima- I literally LOLed at your FIL hanging with Frank, he is so funny. The #2 Mommy comment is a bit more amusing when I picture Frank saying it and ya’ll as Robert etc in shock! My family also loves that show. The Raymond in DHs family is his ex-girlfriend, they dated for several years and he broke up with her when he was away at university. She moved into HIS bedroom and is to this day 'like a daughter" She is very nice and I came in many GFs later so no conflict for me, but she can do no wrong in their eyes. I understand why the in laws make my DH crazy, how can he compete against the girl he dumped? He dumped her because he did not want to have her in his life forever. :(</p>
<p>One reason my DH moved us 500 miles when we had been married was that the in laws would just stop by unannounced far too often. FIL (of the lovely comments and I could go on, but you don’t really want me to!) would some times be at our house when DH came home from work and DH knows FIL is a perv so he was protecting me.</p>
<p>I was too young as a bride and GF to realise I should have made a big deal of everything and humiliated FIL more, every one knows how he is and it has caused some consequences, but he has not learned anything and has not changed and is way way TMI, both asking and telling! Suffice to say I have no problem telling him to keep his hands to himself, to not ask nosy questions and have kept my girls away from him as much as possible :eek:</p>
<p>Sorry, I can beat you all…or at least come in the top 5. My MIL and FIL decided to hate me when I started to date their son. I am Jewish and that wasn’t ok, but if I had to be a Jew at least I could have been a rich Jew. The total turnoff? My mother didn’t teach me how to cook. Moving on…I was called the Kike in Law. My children? Grandkikes. (MIL said that once to my face…let her have it.)</p>
<p>My FIL died recently. He wasn’t the most faithful of husbands and he was in show business, quite successfully. Wanna play the new family game? See the star? (music, tv or movie?) FIL had an affair with her. Oh, and lest we don’t know…MIL tells us the story. </p>
<p>The end game? MIL is now lonely. We used to see them 3 times a year. Now, she calls me daily. Comes to dinner once a week. Suddenly she LIKES Jewish food (last week the Jewish food was pasta with clams…don’t ask). </p>
<p>And she will outlive us all.</p>
<p>So ellebud, do you pickle your revenge when you serve it?</p>
<p>Enjoy!!</p>
<p>
Revenge pickles itself in its own juices. (Can corrode the container, too, so be careful!) ;)</p>
<p>How’s this for a step-MIL wedding story?</p>
<p>She wore a white dress to our wedding. I was aghast (and angry), but W took it in stride, as she (obviously) knows her well. Apparently, this type of thing was SOP, which I now know to be the case.</p>
<p>D1 is getting married in three weeks. We’ve put lots of time and effort into the event so that our D and future son-in-law as well as the guests (friends and relatives–the bride and groom know everyone who is invited) can have a great time. I sure hope they aren’t sitting around being as judgmental as some of the folks here. </p>
<p>I’ve always send gifts for a wedding, unless I’m giving the couple cash. I’ve never received a thank you note before the wedding–not from any of my kids’ friends nor from any friends of mine. I guess if someone is worried about a gift arriving, one could track the package, especially if it’s something that you ordered through a wedding registry.</p>
<p>My D is having one wedding shower (a good friend of mine is the hostess) and she’s asked that in lieu of gifts people bring a recipe to share and an inexpensive kitchen gadget or donate money to the local food pantry. She’s very conscious of the fact that many of her and her future spouse’s friends (who are just out of grad school or professional school) will be spending extra money to attend the wedding since it’s in a resort area and they’ll have to travel a longer distance than if the wedding were held in our town. My H and I have tried to help with that and have rented extra spaces for the wedding party and a few others (some of my relatives who wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise). H also paid for the bridesmaid’s dresses–again because several of the young women are still in undergraduate or graduate school or they’re just starting careers.</p>
<p>I look at wedding expenses the same way I look at college tuition–I can afford to pay for my kids and it’s a gift I’m happy to give them. It I put that money in the stock market, it would probably be gone. Someone who spends more money than I might spend on a wedding isn’t necessarily a show-off in my mind. There’s stuff I won’t spend money on (I think first-class airfare is a rip-off–but I don’t go around telling the people in first class or anyone who’ll listen what I think. It’s not my business.)</p>
<p>Elle. my MIL is Jewish, I am Catholic, and also came fromthe wrong side of the tracks. Ironically, she brags about me to her friends…PIMA was a full ride scholarship student with a dual degree (she doesn’t say it was merit and FA), but she had no problem reminding for the 1st ten yrs that Bullet was paying it off while I got to stay home with the kids and not use my degree.</p>
<p>AT my brother’s wedding (last of my siblings) she approached my MOM(Eucharistic minister at her church) in front of Bullet and said I had Jewish kids and they all married Christians, you raised them Catholic and they married Jews, how did that happen. My Mom (who is divorced from a Christian), turned to her with a smile and said I prayed for it. Bullet took offense because his DAD is CATHOLIC, and they celebrated Christmas and Easter, including eating ham when it coincided with Passover, but she saw them as Jewish, and he had no religion education at all. He never had a SEDER in his home until I did it in ours! At DS1 communion she broke down sobbing, as she told me it was because he was now Catholic, never mind the fact that 7 yrs earlier he was baptized in the church, but now he was Catholic. She also told me that same day there is nothing different from a Catholic and a Jew. I replied, except for the fact that Catholics believe Jesus was the Messiah and Jews don’t. I swear on my kids life, she said well that really doesn’t matter, it is the fact we both believe Jesus was a Jew. AT that point I was so shocked I turned and asked for the plate to be passed.</p>
<p>Re: wearing white at weddings - although there is some debate out there on the subject, many of the etiquette mavens have said for years that this is no longer taboo, as long as the outfit does not look at all “bridal.” Of course that is a lot more difficult now that many bridal gowns are more simple in design. Still, I’ve been to plenty of weddings where guests wear shades of cream (or black and white). If there’s any doubt about offending, I’d wear something else, though.</p>
<p>Wow. Just “Wow” to these evil m-i-l stories! My m-i-l (God rest her soul) has been gone for 12 years now. She was the kindest person, who never interfered or pried. My mom has also been a very good m-i-l, hands off to the extreme. </p>
<p>Maybe your experiences can serve as a reminder to all of us future m-i-ls to keep our distance.</p>
<p>I honestly learned the most importent lesson on how to be a MIL from my inlaws. I will not repeat their mistakes. One of my children is seriously dating someone who, on paper is “perfect”. But this person truly isn’t perfect for my child. (I am NOT assessing blame here, there are issues. And no not religious issues.) But should they marry, I have already told my child this (I am not specifying the gender of the child) that should they get married they will have my full love and support.</p>
<p>I learned from my in laws this: If the marriage works, the grandchildren and the in law will never forgive you. If it doesn’t work I would want my child to come to me for support and not in anger. (Like, because of YOU this happened). My kids don’t care about their grandmother. They don’t call. I ask them to show up occasionally when she is here. They don’t go there. I know that if my parents were still here it would have been a very different relationship. As for me…she is an old woman who is very lonely. The show biz glamour is gone from her life and it is just us. Imagine how frightening this must be for her.</p>
<p>My Mom taught me the best lesson, and I intend follow her direction when I become a MIL. THE BEST IN LAW MAKES THEMSELF AN OUTLAW.</p>
<p>When Bullet and I first got married and I had a fight with him, I would call Mom up and complain. She ALWAYS took his side. After calling her a couple of times and never getting her on my side. I STOPPED. Years later I realized how smart she was, by me never complaining about him, Bullet could always be seen positively by her and the rest of the family. MY SIL seperated 8 months ago after 17 yrs, for weeks on end she would complain and say horrible things about him, going back to decade old stories. I told her to stop it because if they reconcile your Mom isn’t going to ever trust him again. Well they did reconcile 3 months later, and MIL is still not talking to BIL to this day, it is so bad that SIL and BIL left town for Easter so they wouldn’t have to face them, and SIL went to MIL’s house with only the kids for Mother’s Day and to celebrate IL’s 52nd anniversary.</p>
<p>My Mom’s most famous statement is I DON’T PAY THEIR BILLS AND SLEEP IN THEIR BED WITH THEM, SO I DON’T ASK! Do not confuse that with not caring about us, because she is the best in that dept, but she treats our marriage as our marriage, not hers to butt into. </p>
<p>I think alot of this has to do with the fact that my Dad resented how her parents butted into their marriage, and Mom felt that in part her parents were a factor in the divorce.</p>
<p>We are attending a wedding this summer. There is a schism in the families. I am not in either “family”, nor am I involved in the wedding planning. But I do know that one of the mothers is wearing pale champagne as she walks down the aisle. Very pale champagne…like white with a tinge of champagne. </p>
<p>Mom should read these messages.</p>
<p>Ellebud- someday she will reap the consequences of her actions. The bride may not be angry, but she will not forget how she was treated ;)</p>
<p>Somemom: I agree 1,000%. Someone else “suggested” that she might chose another outfit, but nope, she won’t. I have stayed out of the fray because I know her and once her mind is set…its done.</p>
<p>I hope everyone with June weddings had lovely ceremonies and parties with family and friends happy and all on great speaking terms. May all the newleyweds be happy and healthy. My son and his GF were married yesterday by themselves at a Boston area courthouse. This weekend they are hosting a wedding celebration weekend for immediate family and some of their local friends – about 20 people in all. There will be kayaking and a picnic plus a 9 mile hike for the young’uns. My daughter-in-law is going abroad on a Fulbright but if time permits we will have an Open House or Brunch here for our friends. I am sad that neither family was present at the ceremony but they want to emphasize the relationship and not the actual vows. Plus there is some family stress and disagreement on her side so this sidesteps some of that.</p>
<p>How very lovely & sensible of your S & his GF. Hope they have gorgeous weather and a happy gathering. It’s sad when there is family stress & disagreements that don’t allow these milestones to be attended by family. Glad they found a way to include folks in a celebration anyway–they sound very resourceful!</p>
<p>My MIL also had a lot of problems with her in-laws and resolved to be a model MIL. She NEVER took sides and was always happy and gracious with any time we could spend with her/them. She doted on our babies and was so grateful for any opportunity to spend time with them. She loved cooking for them and us and never nagged or laid any guilt trips. We loved spending as much time with her as we could and were very sad when she died shortly after our D turned one. My folks are great & we enjoy a great relationship with them (including my kids & hubby) but I will always have a special place in my heart for my MIL (& FIL).</p>
<p>HImom: You are a very lucky woman. The spirit of aloha and ohana rang true with you MIL. </p>
<p>Laughing at me: The Wedding From Hell saga continues. I needed to buy a dress for the wedding. Bought a really nice dress that was white silk with color splashes of blue/green. After bringing it home (short dress NOT lacy or bridal) I looked again…too much white showing. It is going back…I will not be family-zilla. I may be wearing basic black…but that is better than offending. (And NO I am not in mourning)</p>