<p>HS student DD went to an open-house party “for the juniors to celebrate becoming seniors.” (She neither drinks nor gets high; one of the few kids in her school who is straight.) Maybe 50 people were involved. I called her when she first got there and she told me the partygiver’s mother was at the house. </p>
<p>I kept in touch with DD by cell phone and came to pick her up around 12:30 AM. She mentioned that she had been taking care of a number of friends who had gotten wasted: lots of vomiting, hysterics, dozing off. We talked in the car about how dumb it is for people to drink to excess.</p>
<p>This morning she tells me that overnight she got word that a great many friends had their wallets, iPods, cameras and jackets stolen at the party. One boy was so upset that he punched a hole in the wall of the host’s house. One girl’s especially upset b/c Mass cards from funerals of people she loved were in her stolen wallet. Many tears have been shed. Apparently some kids she didn’t know also came, supposedly from other high schools and colleges. I was shocked: it almost sounds like the work of professional thieves.</p>
<p>I’ve told her that she should suggest that the police be called (some of the stolen items may be retrievable, though probably not the $). I’ve also told her that she can’t attend parties at that house again. She luckily had nothing taken (only brought her junkie cell phone, ID, a little extra $ and train fare.)</p>
<p>Just a cautionary tale. 'Tis the graduation season. Wish we could prevent them from putting themselves in these bad situations.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, except for the theft, this doesn’t sound out of the ordinary. In our neck of the woods kids drink to excess, and the kids who don’t are often caring for their friends who are vomiting or worse, having to be taken to the hospital. There have been parents in our area who have gone to jail for hosting parties like this. I would not allow my D’s to go to such a party without calling the hosting parent first. If the party giver’s mother was in fact present for this event, I can only surmise that she is NOT a responsible adult.</p>
<p>Just talked about this with some friends. One parent said that she called the hosting mom and was told that no alcohol would be served. Turned out to be a big lie. The parents served the alcohol…it wasn’t like it was sneaked in!</p>
<p>Great lesson to learn about parties–don’t leave your purse or your drink alone.</p>
<p>^^^ THAT would not fly with me. I’d be tempted to call the cops on the mom. I still call parents hosting parties if I don’t know them well. I’d be furious if they lied to me. If you want to give your own kids alcohol in your home, that’s OK with me. But you don’t get to make that call for my kids.</p>
<p>There’s that, too, of course. And maybe my kid wouldn’t drink it even if it were served, but the parents are putting my kid in a situation where, if a cop came, he could be implicated regardless of whether he drank or not.</p>
<p>Well…<em>I</em> was the wicked mom when my kids were in high school. If they were invited to a party, I CALLED the parents to find out what was up…and to make sure they KNEW they were having a party. I also inquired about adult supervision. I’m sure it was shocking to some of the parents I called…but I felt that it was my responsibility as a parent.</p>
<p>I also told my kids that if they were at a party and folks they didn’t know started to come, they were to leave IMMEDIATELY. AND I was very clear that if drinking was involved, <em>I</em> would call the police and report the family…and I meant it. Thank goodness I never knew if such an issue happened. I would have called the police to report the incident even if it was two or three days later. </p>
<p>Kids don’t realize that THEY can also be arrested if there is underage drinking going on even if they are not themselves drinking. In this state, the police will arrest everyone in a house if they are called and find underage drinkers…EVERYONE…even IF the kids aren’t drinking.</p>
<p>We just had a police bust a post-graduation party in Puyallup. 49 kids taken in. The two parents were sleeping (?) upstairs - they and their two kids have been charged with multiple gross misdemeanors. The 49 were taken to a high school, where they underwent screening and brief interventions for alcohol/abuse and addiction, and a two-hour education presentation. They were not released until their parents came, and the parents also had to stay for a two-hour presentation.</p>
<p>Roughly half the parents were really angry at the other parents whose kids brought the alcohol to the party. The other half of the parents were really angry that the cops had ruined their kids’ graduation.</p>
<p>And no one was angry at the kids?!! I’m sorry, Dinmor, but I doubt you’re getting the whole story from your D. She should have known what type of a party this was (or turned into) and should have called you much earlier. That said, I think she learned a valuable lesson.</p>
<p>I’m ready for next year. Some senior parents were talking of a tradition of renting out a hall, everybody pays about 30 bucks, and yes, there will be beer, it will be okay if the kids drink.</p>
<p>Well, I know one kid, and one set of parents, who won’t be going to that party!</p>
<p>I had just a twinge of envy when I heard of the kids who were lucky enough to get dates to the junior prom, how one of the boys had an after prom party. My son may have been invited if he had gotten a date, as those attending had all attended middle and now high school together. What a relief that my poor wallflower was dateless, not to be caught in a bad situation. Although I never heard anything, after prom parties are usually not a good thing.</p>
<p>As the priest/president at our high school says, as he tsk-tsks his finger, Nothing good goes on in New Orleans after midnight.</p>
<p>She did say kids were drunk and she was taking care of them. And she said, “But you can come if you want to”–code for: I’d like to come home. She was quite relieved to be picked up–in fact was waiting outside for me when I pulled up.</p>
<p>Toledo, I’ve wrestled with this issue in my own mind. We have gone around about her feeling out of the social scene at school because she doesn’t drink/smoke anything. She has gone to exactly two parties this year; many kids she knows are out and about at ridiculous hours every weekend. For our family, the best choice has been to allow her to go and leave when it’s unpleasant, and that has worked for us. She has been honest.</p>
<p>I was a 60’s kid, and MANY times boys showed up “drunk” at our school dances, and even church dances. I didn’t drink, and while I didn’t like it, I had to learn to deal with it. Later, when pot became popular, I was actually dropped by several close friends because I didn’t do any drugs. I am taking her version of the events–that she found out this morning via Facebook/IM’s that the party kids had stuff stolen–as the truth. It’s pretty gruesome as is, so I don’t see a lot of room for changing it for my sake. </p>
<p>I appreciate your suspiciousness, though–that’s in my nature too! Not so far for this, though. And oh yes, she got the lesson.</p>
<p>To all the parents who advise calling the cops, here’s the rub: In NYC, they are not going to respond to my accusations when I wasn’t even there. Beyond that, while I am not afraid to call the police, I’m also not going to have my kid singled out as the blabbermouth who tells her mother “our business.” I want her to continue to trust me. I have fought many too battles with other defensive and clueless parents based on their kids’ bad behavior, to no avail, and I’m tired.</p>
<p>The host’s mother sounds like a moron, but my phone call isn’t going to give her any brains. My kid simply isn’t going over there again.</p>
<p>The theft does surprise me and confirms my belief that if you don’t know them or weren’t somehow invited, they have to leave.</p>
<p>I suppose I commend a kid who calls her parents to pick her up or otherwise makes arrangements that doesn’t put her in a car or in the care of anyone else who has been drinking. This said, parents can and do get in real trouble around here for serving alcohol. The puking is beyond ridiculous, let alone damaging someone’s home. </p>
<p>We did have a family who offered to host a prom after party for the entire senior class and their dates. Worked out beautifully because IF they did bring any liquor they had to be beyond creative and the consensus among the chaperones at the end was if there was any drinking it was minimal because no one got out of hand or sick!</p>
<p>I can totally sympathize with Dinmor’s plight on this one. While my kid would probably be more likely to imbibe somewhat, our school is so small that it is probably best to go and not partake than to not go at all. My son did become very adept at saying he had to drive and leaving before things crossed a line. There was never any “pressure” however and I think that’s what’s really important in the long run.</p>
<p>Why would anyone know it’s your dd who told that there was drinking? I mean I would have called right after I got her out of that house. Let the police come and investigate whether there was drinking. If 50 kids were there, it would just as likely have been a neighbor who called about the noise.</p>
<p>The whole call the police idea is a real dilemma. We are in a rather small town and attended a graduation party that included all the parents. Some of the parents were in business together or at least in related businesses. Anyway, as we left the party (early), our children informed us that the graduate and a friend were in the basement playing beer pong and then would go into a basement storage area and smoke “plugs?”, which they explained to me were marijuana plugged cigars; it covers the smell. I was shocked. </p>
<p>Some of the people at the party hold security clearances and were completely unaware of what was happening in the basement while the adults (and the introvert kids) stayed in the back yard. A police call could have been disastrous on several levels. </p>
<p>But like the OP figured out, there will be no more party going to that home.</p>
<p>MDMom, I think that’s a totally different situation. In yours, the kids are sneaking around doing it while the aduls are unaware. In the OP, the parents are supplying the alcohol. I wouldn’t call the police in your situation.</p>
<p>*<em>“Toledo, I’ve wrestled with this issue in my own mind. We have gone around about
*</em>her feeling out of the social scene at school because she doesn’t drink/smoke
*<em>anything. She has gone to exactly two parties this year; many kids she knows
*</em>are out and about at ridiculous hours every weekend. For our family, the best
*<em>choice has been to allow her to go and leave when it’s unpleasant, and that
*</em>has worked for us. She has been honest.”</p>
<p>This is a painfully true scenario in our household, as well. No drink - no invite. Often, I believe, it’s the alcohol-providing-parents that restrict their kids from inviting non-drinking straight-laced kids. These parents are protecting themselves from being reported, and frowned upon, by parents of non-drinkers. OP, I think you handled the situation admirably. High school for the moral is hellish, at best, and you’re helping your daughter make the best of a less than desirable norm. Kudos.</p>
<p>(can someone please tell me how to properly copy & embed quotes??)</p>