Rising senior party goes bad

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m not sure anyone would say that American kids are “worse” than teenagers in other countries, but I wonder at what point people would say it’s time to review what we’re doing as a culture vis a vis our approach to parenting/teaching/mentoring teenagers that isn’t working.</p>

<p>There have been heated debates about teen drinking, the drinking age, etc., on cc and most parents feel very strongly that a hardline approach to teen drinking is appropriate (even though it runs counter to personal experiences of most parents when they were teens).</p>

<p>We were in Europe for much of the kids’ hs years, and at first, I took the same hardline approach, and I was shocked to find out that other parents didn’t share my view. I was scandalized that, not only did they allow drinking at the High School Prom in one country where we lived, but the price of the ticket included 3 alcoholic beverages. Parents served alcohol at all parties, and gave the kids cold beer at school events. I felt I was always butting my head against permissive cultures all the time.</p>

<p>But gradually, I was made aware that the kids that did stupid stuff at parties, who binge-drank and did risky things, were the American kids who were not used to being responsible for themselves. I observed this in the college kids on their “junior year abroad” or summer tours as well.</p>

<p>So I coached my kids on strategies for managing situations where alcohol is served. There is such a thing as holding a beer bottle all night – no one knows whether you’re drinking it or not, but they won’t hassle you if you are at least holding something. Always have an exit strategy, have money and a charged-up phone. If you are going to drink, realize that your limit is low. Go over that, and you risk being sick and making a fool of yourself. </p>

<p>End result was, none of my 3 drank in high school to my knowledge. They were always exposed to it. They went to bars, pubs, nightclubs, parties, and Oktoberfest. It just wasn’t a big deal.</p>

<p>I don’t know. No solutions here, just questions and a lot of concern. Of course you can’t let kids drink here, it’s illegal. And until that changes, I guess you have to be the gestapo.</p>

<p>(someone is sure to say that in the U.K. there is a terrible alcohol problem among the youth. True. But most of them emerge from private, extremely strict schools and go berserk for a while, same as American kids. Another thing is, in most of Europe the driving age is 18, and you can get thrown in jail for a DUI).</p>

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<p>My D thinks it’s because kids are bored, akward, and parties have no real activities other than drinking. But this is nothing unique to this generation. What is may be that kids have less supervision because both parents are generally active outside the home with work and social obligations. A friend of mine also thinks it has something to do with more parents behaving the same as their kids - heavy drinking, drugs, and wild parties. I’ve no first-hand knowlege of this, but she has.</p>

<p>D always had unique and well-attended parties growing up. When she turned 14 she skeptically agreed to my idea of a retro-4-year-old party. We rented a 20’ inflatable slide and bouncing tent and had tables set up with all sorts of somewhat mature versions of their childhood activities. The playdough competition became fierce and I learned who makes the amazing creations pictured on the playdough merchandise! At 15 we did the big pool party thing, not creative, but not risky. I could tell the ones who were too cool to play. At 16, they are now the drinkers and D is no longer invited to most of their parties, though they still seem like friends at school. (D is not a misfit - she’s been voted class president of 700+ kids two years running, possesses tremendous inner and outer beauty, and is active in multiple clubs, tennis, & band.) I’ve concluded that her being a non-drinker is a deal-breaker when it comes to party invites. Most of the time she’s okay with it, but the desire to be included can cause inner-conflict. When she is invited, I let her go with the same instructions as OP. She is usually ready to come home early.</p>

<p>Bottom line is kids don’t run the media and companies that promote this type of behavior. . . . adults do. In the name of artistic freedom, we allow the promotion of this lifestyle, norm, or culture - whatever you want to call it. Until we collectively get fed up with what it does to us, our kids, our families, and our communities, nothing will change and we’re all to blame.</p>

<p>Sorry, I know I’m ranting from a soapbox!</p>

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<p>Well, to offer a glimmer of hope in the world, my school (large suburban public) actually had a low drinking rate (probably say between 40-60% drank). And almost all of my friends didn’t drink, and I hung out with a cool crowd (athletes, cheerleaders, etc.) but I’d say mostly it was because we had big youth programs in the area (youth group, FCA, etc.) Our school was overwhelmingly Christian, at least in the grades ahead of me and in my grade. Now it’s not as prominent and I’m pretty sure the drinking rates are up. But everyone who I hung out with and didn’t drink does drink now in college.</p>

<p>Actually, it was quite shocking for my parents because they wouldn’t let me go to certain stuff because they always thought there would be drinking. It wasn’t until my junior year I convinced them that not only my friends didn’t drink but also even if they did I wouldn’t. It was a weird 180 from strict to whatever that happened in literally a night. </p>

<p>For the record I think I fit the stereotypical “sheltered kid” mold and I definitely had my fair share once I got to school and it took me a while to figure out my limits. But I maintained my grades, sport, EC’s etc. so it all worked out.</p>

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<p>they pulled a gun on my mom.</p>

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<p>"We just had a police bust a post-graduation party in Puyallup. 49 kids taken in. The two parents were sleeping (?) upstairs - they and their two kids have been charged with multiple gross misdemeanors. The 49 were taken to a high school, where they underwent screening and brief interventions for alcohol/abuse and addiction, and a two-hour education presentation. They were not released until their parents came, and the parents also had to stay for a two-hour presentation.</p>

<p>Roughly half the parents were really angry at the other parents whose kids brought the alcohol to the party. The other half of the parents were really angry that the cops had ruined their kids’ graduation."</p>

<p>I was the kid who hosted this party…i was charged with MIP and get this, providing alcohol to minors (was 18 at the time). lets just say the cops weren’t very professional (didn’t have a search warrant, tackled my friend!) 49 of us were taken to the Memorial Center in downtown Puyallup. There was no screening or brief interventions, just disrespect on the officers part. There was no 2 hour presentation. There was a drug counselor there whose first question to me was regarding meth use? These guys in Puyallup are crazy</p>