<p>Okay, so I’ve read just about this entire thread. I say just about because after the first page and a half I got fed up with all the comments about “middle school girls” being more mature than “middle school boys.” Now I was simply wondering on what grounds are we considering one to be mature? Because from what I’m reading here, girls don’t seem more mature at all. In fact, I’d have to say, based upon what I’ve read here (regarding girls seizing boys) these girls sound as though they are loose hordes of mongrels being released upon unsuspecting, and innocent communities aka the male population. It’s very disturbing to think that you (the same people posting such horrific ideas) believe these girls are acting more mature, “popular, queen bee…public oral sex and more…but the girls ran that show.” And not the boys who’d rather be out playing sports.</p>
<p>Alright, now that I’m done bashing you…I too had a seventh grade romance (if you want an “immature boy’s” perspective read on) we were undoubtedly best friends. Our relationship lasted for roughly a year and a half. It ended on good terms, and while I agree she was probably more into the “holding hands” aspect than me, we never did anything outrageous. Yes we went to the mall together, yes we went to the movies together, yes I was a gentleman, and yes, for all intensive purposes she was a lady. Distance ultimately made us have to end our relationship, however to this day I still speak with her via e-mail.</p>
<p>Perhaps 7th graders’ character is more mature than you are willing to give them credit for, I know neither of our parents every harassed us about the person we were seeing and we were responsible. It’s the parents that suffocate or attempt to run their child’s life that will ultimately end up with their child giving them a bouncy baby at the young age of 19. So think about your roles, and remember, reverse psychology works 71.6% of the time according to a Pi University survey.</p>
<p>To be really blunt here, if the girls are so much mature than the boys, then exactly who are the girls “servicing” through o.s.? And from what I recall about this activity in my old age, it is far more fun to be the recipient than to be on the other end. Boys aren’t exactly innocent bystanders in this role.</p>
<p>I’ve got the 7th grade girl. She went to those popular girl parties last year with the boys there when they played spin the bottle and I don’t know what else. She wasn’t and isn’t too into all of that yet- she went upstairs to talk to her girlfriends. Those aren’t her friends this year- we just waited it out. Those parties happen, those relationships happen and in some cases it’s the boy chasing the girl, and in some, the girl chasing the boy. Each one is unique. My biggest gripe with her friends is the kids who live for their cell phones, have all sorts of conversations on them and the parents have no idea what or who their child is speaking to. Then again, those parents probably have no idea what their kids are doing period, let alone just with their cell phones…</p>
<p>Motherdear I’m going to go ahead and assume you made a typo, or had a lapse in thought when you typed “To be really blunt here, if the girls are so much mature than the boys, then exactly who are the girls “servicing” through o.s.?” I imagine you meant to disagree with me and instead say “To be really blunt here, if the boys are so much mature than the girls, then exactly who are the girls “servicing” through o.s.?” However, your mothering brain appears to have failed you once again.</p>
<p>In response to your comment though, I will say that it is a horrible grievance when 7th grade girls take it upon themselves to molest 7th grade boys. If the girls are so much more mature, than the boys simply don’t know better, nor do they have any idea what is going on. Unlike the more mature girls providing the so called “service.”</p>
<p>You make me sick, blaming boys who are being molested.</p>
<p>??? Dartmouth, no one is “blaming” anyone, as far as I can tell. Some people are expressing dismay that some middle school kids (both genders) are engaging in conduct that doesn’t seem age-appropriate. Many are noting that it’s not necessarily the result of boys putting pressure on girls, which frankly is the way most of us oldsters first experienced sexual activity, but of girls deciding that that’s what they should be doing. (Of course, even for us oldsters, it was always the result of girls deciding that’s what they should be doing, but the convention used to be to act as if the boys had convinced the girls, and to make them work at it.)</p>
<p>I heard about these parties, too. But it was always the kids in another grade, or at another school, or in another part of the house. In other words, classic folklore. Which doesn’t mean that there wasn’t some truth to it, but I don’t think it was as rampant as the stories would make out. Again, back in the old days we were familiar with the concept that there might be a gap between what kids did and what they said they did . . . a gap in either direction, of course. My guess is that’s still true. </p>
<p>In general, with the exception of attitudes around oral sex, I have found my kids’ romantic development to be not much different from what my friends and I experienced, at about the same ages.</p>
<p>Substitute the word ‘advanced’ for ‘mature’ in my original post…and see if doesn’t make more sense to some of you. I don’t think it is a big secret that girls become interested in the opposite sex earlier than boys. And frankly, some of you need to get a clue. Times have, unfortunately, changed. </p>
<p>Was it last year that one of the primetime news magazines did the special on sex and young teenagers? Girls and boys as young as 13 and 14 were interviewed. In this age group, the boys for the most part were sheepish, embarrassed and many said they felt pressured by girls to be intimate. They seemed not to be lying imho. The girls were less embarrassed, but vulnerable and sad nevertheless. The girls viewed o.s. as the same as kissing and many were horrified at the idea of traditional sex because that would mean actually revealing their bodies. They said they participated in o.s. because THEIR friends did it, not because boys demanded it. They were just trying to be cool. But who created these new cool rules?</p>
<p>In the case of our little group of wayward 8th graders in our community, apparently what had been going on were after school gatherings at homes without parents where ‘public displays’ were the entertainment. And of course, no one who saw it kept their mouth shut about it. So, it was a big ordeal that involved parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, etc… </p>
<p>So when a parent worries about a note in a backpack or questions the forward nature of yearbook signings, I don’t think they are wrong to do so. In fact, seems pretty smart to me to stay on top of such things.</p>
<p>Not sure why the OP would let her son “lie” to this girl by checking “YES–I will go out with you,” when her rule is that he is not allowed to “go out.”
This will only encourage the girl and then disappoint her–or maybe the son thinks he’s going to “go out” behind mom’s back? Most of this middle school stuff is innocent, but everything is so “pornified” nowadays, you can’t be too sure. (Didn’t some survey show that the favorite TV show of middle-schoolers–or was it elementary schoolers?–was “Desperate Housewives”?)
As said above, some parents weirdly encourage this pairing off at a young age. Best to nip it in the bud. BTW, don’t they have rules against “passing notes” in school?</p>
<p>Wow, lots of people getting down on middle schoolers… it seems like the consensus of this thread is that all middle school romance is either (a) meaningless silly puppy love that just involves hanging out in groups or going to the mall or (b) wild oral sex parties where “mature” girls pressure boys into doing something they really don’t want to.</p>
<p>I had a middle school romance (7th – 9th grade) which didn’t fit into either of these categories. It was actually a really serious, emotionally involved relationship. We dated (as much as we could with no cars) and spent lots of time at each other’s houses (with parents around – I wan’t allowed to have boys alone at home) and with groups of friends. And no, there wasn’t any ridiculously inappropriate sexual activity involved (although my parents seemed to fear that there was). I know that this type of serious, long-term relationship is rare in middle school, but it really does happen, and not all middle schoolers are sex-crazed maniacs trying to “fit in” or bashful blushing maidens too shy to even talk in person. This was only 6 years ago, so I think I’m in more or less the same generation as the kids you’re talking about.</p>
<p>Also, some of you parents seem to have very little concern for your kids’ privacy… obviously parents should know if their kid is in a relationship, and should keep track of which parties they go to and what they’re doing there. But nosing through a kid’s binder and reading personal notes, or wanting to know who your kid is talking to on the phone every minute of the day, both seem pretty extreme for parents of 12-year-olds. One of the reasons I think I had such a good relationship with my parents (and was, ultimately, able to go to them for advice about relationships and social issues) was that they did let me have my privacy and did let me have my own social world in middle school.</p>
<p>I should clarify…I in no way intended to say ALL middle schoolers are ‘advanced’. This is not as rare as being the ‘exception, not the rule’, but I do believe most m.s. age kids are not experimenting in this way. BUT, this activity by their peers is part of their environment, something virtually all kids this age know about and have to deal with in some form or another…whether it be hearing about it in the halls of school or actively participating. I wish it weren’t so…I would love to turn the clock back.</p>
<p>As far as ‘going out (steady)’. At my son’s school, that can mean many things…from ‘officially sitting next to each at lunch’ to ‘advanced activity’ (unfortunately). Each child is different and each parent sets the guidelines accordingly. As I have said, I have a very naive, socially immature boy. Two girls have asked him to ‘go out’. We told him he could not ‘go out’, but he could definitely meet a coed group of friends at the movies, or sit next to a special girl at lunch or carry her books between classes (as long as he isn’t late to his own)…but that ‘going out’ and being exclusive is for older kids. He seemed really relieved by our guidelines…lol!</p>
<p>Colored wristbands: Can be used to encode sexual preferences, availability status. Or to indicate support for particular causes. Or both, or neither.</p>
<p>Lipstick parties: You really, really don’t want to know.</p>
<p>Atomom said: “Not sure why the OP would let her son “lie” to this girl by checking “YES–I will go out with you,” when her rule is that he is not allowed to “go out.”
This will only encourage the girl and then disappoint her–or maybe the son thinks he’s going to “go out” behind mom’s back? Most of this middle school stuff is innocent, but everything is so “pornified” nowadays, you can’t be too sure. (Didn’t some survey show that the favorite TV show of middle-schoolers–or was it elementary schoolers?–was “Desperate Housewives”?)
As said above, some parents weirdly encourage this pairing off at a young age. Best to nip it in the bud. BTW, don’t they have rules against “passing notes” in school?”</p>
<p>I tried responding to this post twice today , but for some reason it would not post, and I am glad, because I was a bit upset at being informed by Atomom that I am teaching my son to be a liar; that I am a liar because I allowed him to “check yes” when I have stated that I don’t let him go out; that my son’s character is in question because he may be planning to “go out” behind my back; and finally that I am encouraging him to break rules by passing notes at school. Wow…I am impressed with your mean spirited comments regarding my parenting skills when you know nothing about me or my child other than my original post. </p>
<p>I am raising a very well mannered, respectable, and intelligent male here. I cannot stop the growing process, as that is what children are supposed to do. I can, however, guide him as I deem fit as his parent. In my neck of the woods “going out” means nothing more serious than sitting with each other during lunch, sometimes, and talking during orchestra when there is a break, (which is when the note was passed). Oh yeah, they may call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. There are no dates as of yet and won’t be for a while. </p>
<p>What upset me the most regarding your response was I intended my post to be a light hearted look at the preteen child, but you seem to have “pornified”
it.</p>
<p>It sounds to me as though your son is a delightful young man. I know you are upset, but please don’t think that most of us misread your post or it’s light-hearted intent. One thing you will find about CC… unfortunately, it takes about two posts to turn any original post into a discussion of social issues…lol! Sometimes, that’s good…sometimes it’s not. :-)</p>
<p>I too have a rising 7th grade son who is "going out " with a girl. They don’t go anywhere as neither we nor the girl’s parents allow it. They don’t even email/IM that much since both sets of parents restrict unmonitored computer use.</p>
<p>And for the others who think their boys are being vamped by a modern-day Delilah, think again. Boys are NOT the innocent bystanders as being protrayed on this thread.</p>
<p>Motherdear- they are not innocent bystanders, but they DO mature more slowly than girls. That’s a fact. I have a girl and a boy, and there happened to be alot of differences between their two social groups. I did a lot of snooping when my son was in 7th grade, and I can attest to the fact that the girls were moving WAY faster than the boys.</p>
<p>I have a girl now going into ninth grade, but she has had a “boyfriend” since seventh grade. Ok, they never actually went anywhere except my backyard, but they were boyfriend/girlfriend. Now that they’re getting ready for high school, they talk on the phone a bit more and she sometimes walks over and watches his football practice. Pretty harmless so far, but we’re strict about what behavior is and isn’t appropriate.</p>
<p>Q, hon. Lol, YES – it is the beginning of the teen years! Your positive attitude will get you through many more passed notes and third period romantic rendezvouses. You have the right attitude.</p>
</p>
Your positive attitude will get you through many more passed notes and third period romantic rendezvouses. You have the right attitude.</p>