<p>Wow. No mean spirit intended. Just asking questions. I never intend to offend people here. It is very hard to convey tone on a keyboard. Like I said, most of these things are perfectly innocent. On the other hand, there are more serious things going on some places, and kids certainly know a lot more at younger ages than we did. You’re right–I don’t know anything about you or your son or where you live or what goes on there.</p>
<p>My D is older than her brother. She was a lot less interested in boys in 7th grade than her brother is in girls at 7th grade. We too have been on both sides of the fence.</p>
<p>Yes, there are girls with loose morals and boys with loose morals. It is up to parents to set the ground rules and be vigilant about enforcing them.
A couple of years ago at a nearby ms (thank goodness it wasn’t ours but I’m not naive enough to think it couldn’t happen), an 8th grade boy impregnated 2 different 7th grade girls who had babies within a month of eachother. I don’t think he was the innocent victim.</p>
<p>I think parents need to be better chaperones and make sure the parents of their kid’s friends are actually on the same floor (not just “at home”) when hosting a get-together. My kids cannot have guests over when there is no adult in the house. Nor can they visit a friend if a parent is not home at that house.</p>
<p>We have good friends–married 26 years, two sons in college–who started dating in 7th grade and have never dated anyone else.</p>
<p>I was so pleased that my kids just weren’t that interested in dating until late in high school.</p>
<p>Another 7th grade parent here. I think I learned with my older kids that some times things are as innocent as they appear and sometimes they are not.
My oldest had a so-called boyfriend in 8th grade. They talked at school and the summer after 8th grade they went to each other’s house with parents always present. Both sets of parents had the same rules and kept in close contact. That relationship went on for a few years. Even after breaking up they remained best friends for a few years. Now they are both in college and the scars and emotions of that first romance still are seen on both of them. They no longer speak. There was nothing either set of parents could have done to prevent this relationship. It was an intense connection.
My middle child on the other hand had 1 girlfriend in 7th grade for a brief time and another in 9th. Both times the girls picked him and called all the shots. They both broke up with him when he proved to not be attentive enough. He is 17 and has not had another girlfriend.
My youngest is a female and we were just having a discussion in the car yesterday about how her friends are changing. Some of her girlfriends are really girly and others strongly boyish. Mine feels she is in between. She also felt some of her friends are in a hurry to get to the next phase of life.
Her two best friends are male. One since birth. We had a dilemma the other night when they were all playing together and they wanted a sleepover. I vasicilated and finally came to the conclusion that she had to come home. I am sure it would have been innocent.
At this age I think the best thing you can do is know the other parents. I think the parent needs to stand strong in what they feel is right for their family.</p>
<p>Different ways for different houses. </p>
<p>My son has had a girl as one of his two best friends since he was 15 months old. They don’t go to the same high school now, but did go to school together through middle school. Until last year, when they were 15, they would still have sleepovers where they stayed in the same room together, him in his bed, her on the floor or vice versa. She even had two boyfriends during this period. The boyfriends didn’t like it, but her mom is my best friend and we were and are 100% certain that nothing was going on. They feel like they are brother and sister, or maybe cousins at best.</p>
<p>And, frankly, we both felt that if they were going to start experimenting with the physical phase of their romantic development, they weren’t making too bad of a choice with eachother. We were comfortable that it would never go so far as to make them, or us, uncomfortable.</p>
<p>I am sure many people here are shocked and appalled, but I am absolutely sure they were doing exactly as they said. And, at a certain point, they ceased to want to sleep in the same room. He still goes to her house, but if he sleeps over he sleeps in a room with her 12 year old brother. If she comes over, she sleeps in the now mostly empty room of his 19-year old sister.</p>
<p>Different ways in different houses, as mom60 says, the parent needs to stand strong in what they feel is right for their family.</p>
<p>Alumother – you sound pretty reasonable to me. :)</p>
<p>Alumother, I had a similar situation in high school – my best friend was a guy, and we had sleepovers where we stayed in the same room. I was dating other guys all through high school, and never looked at my best friend “that way”. Nothing ever happened.</p>
<p>My next-door neighbor was also a guy, and also one of my close friends, and he’d come get me on summer nights and we’d go watch movies in his basement until all hours of the morning with a big group (mostly guys and me). Again, nothing ever happened, and nothing was ever going to happen.</p>
<p>As was said earlier, some kids have loose morals… and some are just close friends with members of the opposite sex. You just have to know your kid. :)</p>
<p>Hey, if molliebatmit thinks it’s OK, I guess I have been endorsed. Seriously. Thanks Mollie. BTW, I never posted on your wedding thread but so TOTALLY read it all…</p>
<p>Haha, maybe I should have ended my above post “That’s what I did, and clearly I turned out okay, because I am marrying a cute, polite rocket scientist from MIT.”</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>Alumother- If the sleepover had been at the other boy’s house I would have said yes without a second thought. His Mom is my best friend and the kids have been best friends since they could walk. My D has several really close male friends and I would allow her to sleep at a couple of the houses. As I would also allow them at my house. I know these kids like my own. The boy that the sleepover was at is a new friend this past year. The household is all male and I don’t have a good reading on them yet.
Today my D asked why we said no. She told me that we don’t need to worry about her going out with either of them that they are her best friends and that she values the friendship. She said in the scheme of Middle School a friend is for a lifetime and a boyfriend is for a week.</p>
<p>Update:</p>
<p>Son broke up with the girl afer one day. Informed me that he told her he did not think it would work, however, he wanted to help her find someone who was right for her…lol. :)</p>
<p>Awww. That’s so adorable!</p>
<p>“he wanted to help her find womeone who was right for her. . .” That’s so sweet! </p>
<p>I think that mom60’s D (above) has it about right when she says “a friend is for a lifetime and a boyfriend is for a week.”</p>
<p>My 8th grade D recently broke up with a boy after a romance of several months. He’s already found another girl friend. I’m hoping they’ll remain friends, since I genuinely like the boy --so far, it looks like they are planning to stay friends. I think it is better for them to be friends than to be boyfriend/girlfriend anyway, at least at this age-- she is just too young to have a boyfriend, IMO. I told her I’ll feel better about boyfriends when she is 15 or older . . .</p>
<p>rofl I’m 17 and have got to be the most unpopular boy in my class ;o</p>
<p>I guess my dad doesn’t have the trouble you guys do… ;p</p>