Oh THAT’s the other thing I forgot to mention - apparently birthing classes at most places have gone the way of the dinosaurs. U of M hospital doesn’t even offer them anymore. The nurses just prepare me as we get closer to my due date.
I’ll probably watch YouTube videos or something as we get closer but right now I’m in denial about expelling this being from my body.
Sorry about the PT miscommunication. I’ve had amazing and not-so-amazing experiences with various PTs and unfortunately the last one I really liked moved away. I can’t find her (super common name) and the previous place won’t tell me where she went so I can’t ask for recs I’m saving my PTs until after birth this year if at all possible because I’m not sure what healing is going to look like for me.
I’ll never forget my husband saying, “You can’t be in labor! I haven’t read about second stage labor in the book yet!” (The book was The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth, which I liked very much, though we also took a local class in Munich.) DH did fine BTW.
I’ll admit, I don’t know how much those classes did to help prepare me. I was already fairly knowledgeable from working in health care and reading on my own. It was a fun thing to do, interesting to see others in the same boat, but helpful? Minor.
As for H he was there but how much was he listening anyway…?
We used Bradley for second kid. Husband was saying something he meant to be validating right around the 8 cm mark, so I snarled at him to stop quoting from the book.
I was really lucky. My mom kept foster babies during the 80s, a total of almost 90. She stayed for six weeks after our oldest was born. She would get up with the baby in the middle of the night and bring him to me when he needed to nurse. She did load after load of laundry and made lots of meals. I, too, cried when she left!
My sister-in-law came for a week after my second baby was born. She walked the six year old to the bus, made us all dinner, did the laundry and best of all, took the film down to the one hour developers (hey it was 26 years ago) and brought back prints I could send to my parents and friends. She was exactly what I needed! Everyone should have a sister-in-law like her.
Do not obsess, overthink, worry…and everything else. Remember to have a life outside of your pregnancy, just as you hopefully have a life outside your lifelong medical issues. I assume this thread is all about this and not consuming your life the rest of the time.
Babies forever alter the couple dynamic. Just as being a permanent couple forever altered your life. Hard to remember the dating scene and all that as time goes by. Ages and stages. Some of us have entered the next stage- after kids. A mix of pros and cons at all stages. btw- no daughters, mothers, grandmothers in my adult life so had to do it on my own (with H) and with my medical knowledge. Mixed blessing- no babysitters or erroneous advice (my sister so private all of our lives she was not much use).
By your last month you will be so glad to deliver and be done with the pregnancy. Well baby checks are so much nicer than prenatal ones!
My daughter was born at 24 weeks so spent 3 months in the NICU and I was recovered and fairly organized when she came home. A friend I met in the NICU (her daughter stayed 105 days) had twins two years later and she said “Do you know they expect you to take these babies HOME? Both of them! Just days after birth!”
When I was being wheeled from the hospital after S1 was born, I remember being shocked - absolutely shocked - that they would actually let me leave the hospital with this living breathing human being when I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.
I didn’t really know what I was doing but just remember being euphoric with having the baby. My older sister who had 2 kids kept predicting and waiting for my post party depression (which I suspect she had after each of her babies). Mine never came and I’ve loved being a mom, mistakes and all.
So many people commenting that they had no idea to do with a baby…remember those words when reflecting to your young adults today and how “we” harp on them for having "no idea’ how to do adult things.
Give them the benefit of the doubt you needed back then to figure it out.
Tip for decorating the nursery: put the crib together in the nursery. Learned this the hard way! We put the crib together in our living room and then discovered it was too wide to roll through the bedroom door, so we had to take it all apart and put it all back together. That baby just turned 27 last month. Good luck, Romani.
My mother is coming to stay with us for a while and my SILs are going to come too but they also have small children. They love babies but I’m not sure how much help they’ll be while juggling their own babies. But any little bit will help, I’m sure!
Duly noted on the crib. Luckily I think the only place we actually have room to set it up will be in the baby room.
I had a prenatal massage today and my pelvic pain feels so much better - at least for the time being. Baby really liked the massage too because they were kicking up a storm. Felt like popcorn in my belly or something lol.
I never really babysat and had little interest in babies until my oldest was born. I decided that at that point in my life I had figured out/dealt with a lot of other things so I would figure this out, too.
@romanigypsyeyes – so excited for you! you already have everything you need – a partner who pays attention, a good communication base, an abundance of common sense. It really isn’t rocket science, and you will figure out what works for the three of you. Just don’t read parenting magazines, take everyone’s advice as helpful but never mandatory, and don’t ever stop talking to each other. There’s nothing I’ve ever done that comes close to the fun and happiness our children added to our life (and yes, some worry and angst too. But life would have offered that anyway)
As much as a bookworm as I am, I’ve had absolutely zero desire to read parenting books or magazines. The closest I’ve come is poking around a few like free-range (ish) and free-play parenting groups. Then a few things specifically about immune compromised babies because that’s something that I’ll need to be prepared for right away. But nothing that would send me in a spiral, just a few basic things like any tips for detecting infections or other issues early on. I’ll be talking to my MFM and pediatrician about this as we get closer.
I have the basics like diapering, clothing, and feeding (mostly) down from taking care of the niblings. I also did research on how to best work with my nephew who had a significant speech delay resulting in a lot of meltdowns. I like reading up on things as they come along (if I need to) rather than try to prepare for everything.
Ugh. I hate giving unsolicited advice to new moms, but here goes: If you think there might be issues with a compromised immunity, you might not want your SsIL bringing their little kids around.
Regarding the relatives coming to help. Remember that it takes time for a newborn’s immune system to get up to speed. Therefore pay attention to who has contact the first weeks- there are reasons to not let everyone visit, hold your baby initially. Agree with post #757. The moms may think they are being careful but it is impossible to have small kids and not be loaded with germs! Pay attention to guidelines given to you.
btw- as a physician I learned about the no driving et al for new mothers the first couple weeks and really experienced it myself as I broke the rules to visit my premie without waiting for H to be available… The change in hormones does mess with you. The don’t take the baby out in public rules are to avoid infection. Newborns don’t always show the same early warning signs they will a few months later. Of course “99% of the time” or whatever there are likely no problems but each day/week your infant is improving his/her survival skills. You need to pay attention to what your medical people tell you- not various parenting groups.
Babies grow rapidly and you not only gain experience but can relax more and more. Never feel foolish for calling the doctor/nurse- whoever you are told to call- with questions.
There, more advice months before it is relevant (stuff I would forget to tell you if I waited). Considering all that can go wrong you can look at how amazing so many- the vast majority- do so well. Or, you can realize that very few do not.
Other mothers with premies (mine was 7 weeks early). Did you have fun with the ages and stages for development like I did? My kid was either ahead or behind depending on birth or gestational age used. Maybe it was my professional interest. I was kid # 2 and didn’t walk at all early- my world came to me and there was no incentive per my mother.
Oh, what perfect parents we could have been if we knew then what we know now- no. Or if the products available…
I’m saving my PTs until after birth this year if at all possible because I’m not sure what healing is going to look like for me.