I can’t wait for you and Mr R to experience what every parent remembers-whether it was at first sight or a little bit down the road-that “OMG I never realized how much love I’m capable of.”
You think you know the extremes of love when you fall in love or get your heart broken. And love between partners is very very special. But there is just nothing like falling in love with your baby.
Just talking about it makes me a little emotional.
You have fought very hard for this baby. What a lucky kid!
Seems there’s a lot of gray though.
^One of my favorite baby clothes sources is Primary–it’s online. The clothes are unisex, and you can get any “primary” color, or combo–stripes, etc. We avoid girl-y for GD, and have had good luck with online, or hand-me-downs, because D’s friends have also avoided overly-gendered baby clothes.
My twins were born at 34 weeks. I suddenly went into labor after throwing up from a stomach bug. I was terrified but they were OK. They were 5 pounds and 6 pounds. The smaller one had to stay in the hospital a few extra days because she couldn’t coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing, at first. Today she is a nurse!
I will keep my fingers crossed for you to go as far as safely possibly for you and baby Jedi. Be at peace knowing that you are past the scariest time. Eat well, rest well, and enjoy your time with squirmy little Jedi!
Yeah almost all of the “neutral” clothes I’m sure came from the “boy” section. But if we had a girl, I know we would’ve gotten clobbered with pink floofy things and I’m just not a fan. Plus so many of the girl outfits are complicated with extras that boys clothes don’t generally have.
We have hand me downs from 2 nieces and 2 nephews and I plan on throwing baby in whatever is clean and easy lol.
I know that even if baby comes early, I’ve gone past the scariest point and having access to U of M’s NICU has put my mind at so much ease.
Oh and my rheumatologist is sending me to a liver clinic next week (no idea what that is - that’s just what he called it lol). He put in an urgent request for a work-up just to make sure there’s nothing else going on. He doesn’t think there is but with baby involved, better safe than sorry.
By the way, a huge thank you for everyone who has sent things for baby Jedi. I haven’t gotten around to thanking people individually because I honestly just haven’t had the physical or emotional energy this week to do just about anything.
Every time I open box, I get really overwhelmed by people’s generosity and notes. Once the baby’s room is done being painted and cleaned this weekend (fingers crossed), we’re going to start furnishing it and that’s when I’ll finally really start going through things.
On that note, we managed to get a few pictures together from friends who took random pictures. I’m happy to send the link if anyone wants a glimpse into the baby shower. Just PM me. Bonus: a few shots of my two nephews and a sneak preview of the baby’s room. We ended up having one wall that has a space setting, 3 light color walls, and the last piece is the ceiling where our friend is painting constellations. I don’t have a creative bone in my body so the painting and planning were all done by one of my best friends.
We didn’t know gender beforehand and went the primary colors route also. Most of it was to be found in the boys’ department (at least in the early 90s).
I sew baby blankets and even the fabric (flannel) I can buy is ‘girl’ or ‘boy’. Things like frogs, which you think are unisex become girly because they add pink bows or tutus.
There are some circus or jungle prints that I use for unisex blankets, and those always seem to go first when I let people pick the blanket they want.
Regarding loving your baby more than you ever thought possible –
I must confess it took me a while. I was not, and still am not, a fan of those first few months. It took my babies’ smiling and laughing and reacting for me to really go into Super Momma Love mode.
Yeah, that’s why I added the “or a bit down the road” part, because I know it’s also perfectly normal for it to be a delayed reaction. But it usually does hit you eventually. And then, bam.
I always say “the first three months takes three years and then it flies by…”
Re: gender-neutral clothing. My GD has been primarily dressed in gender-neutral clothing since she was born (she’s now 2). She’s worn alot of grey, navy, green, khaki, etc. I think I’ve only seen her in dresses twice (and not on her birthday).
They’ve often bought clothes for her in the boy’s dept. As an infant and into her toddlerhood, she had thick legs with lots of rolls. S and DIL found that boy’s pants were cut better to accomodate her thighs.
Now that they have a boy, he’s wearing some clothes his big sister wore before him.
I love baby/toddler thigh rolls. 
Both of my Ds had them.
Re: love at first sight. When I had my 2nd, I was so thankful for a night in the hospital to get some much needed rest. The very very young nurse, kept bringing in my newborn (even when feeding was not needed) & I kindly asked her to let me sleep. She was aghast, and kept lecturing me that I needed bonding time. It came fast and furious. I just wanted to sleep one night first 
^^^^ The very very young nurse had probably never had a baby of her own.
Another advantage to not breastfeeding, me to that nurse: “that’s nice. Wake up my husband and make him feed.” rolls over and goes back to sleep
?
its funny how much I remember about my first being born. I remember every part of it, and being so scared to go home! by the time #4 came; I remember nothing except asking my whole family to leave that night, and I spent it alone with my baby, and couldn’t wait to get home. You’re going to have lots of ups and downs coming up; but it’s all good. 
Good news! The meds seem to be working. My liver enzymes are down. Still high but not dangerous anymore.
I have a bunch of tests - including baby ultrasound - and my OB appt tomorrow so I’ll find out more then.
ETA: The meds are still kicking me on my butt and really screwing with my sleep. I’m so out of it all the time but if I have to do this to keep baby in for a while, that’s find. I’m just really far behind on everything else in life ?
Being far behind on everything else in life: good practice for the next eighteen years. 
Nice update, best of luck tomorrow, and keep your knees together!
@garland , too right, lol!
Some of the posts about bonding have made me think about my own experiences with my two. With D, it was love at first sight. With S, it was a good three weeks before I felt the same about him. I can admit that now, because I’d die for him.
I believe I had a particularly bad case of “baby blues,” to the point I was actually scared to be with him alone at night. Hubby had been sleeping in the spare room (had to get up for work) and I asked him one night to stay in our room. I was worried about how I was reacting to the constant night wakings.
Then one day, when he was about three weeks old, I was suddenly completely obsessed with him and knocked over by the outpouring of love. That was when I understood why people can have a lot of kids and love them all the same. But honestly, I was really worried up until then. I was fearful I’d never feel the same about him as I felt about my daughter.
The point being, baby blues are real, and can be even worse than that. Look up post-partum psychosis. (This happened to a relative.) I hope nothing like that happens to you, of course. If, after baby comes, you feel more sad than you think you should, and/or it goes on for more than a few weeks, ask for help. And it’s okay to not fall instantly in love with your baby.
I have pre-existing MDD and have remained on my antidepressants throughout the whole pregnancy. I’m very, very lucky to be under the supervision of a maternal health psychiatrist at U of M (they have a whole maternal and child mental health clinic!).
I basically moved in with my SIL after the birth of my nephew because her PPD was so bad. It was scary. Luckily, she had a good support system and good access to mental health. After watching her go through that though, I’ve never had an ounce of guilt about staying on my antidepressants during pregnancy.