<p>i don’t know, I don’t think i’d have a problem with her listening to her music while she’s studying. if i’m studying i’d want to listen to my music or no music. if i were studying in my room and my roommates started playing music that I didn’t like, then i’d want them to turn it off too… or put on headphones out of common courtesy to me. they could have been listening to their music while they were doing there studying and chose not to… they don’t have to be listening to it while i’m studying. and who cares if i study at 10 pm, that’s the time a majority (a large majority) of college students study. </p>
<p>no offense, but i think they both are being a little immature.</p>
<p>sure, they both have equal rights. your daughter can stay in the room and listen to music while studying, she just chooses to go elsewhere. </p>
<p>the girl i spoke of before who moved in with me did so because her roommates were constantly drinking and smoking in the room and she didn’t feel comfortable with them. the guy who i spoke of moved in with other guys because his roommate kept coming home drunk and peeing all over everything in the room. i stopped getting along with my roommate because she had no respect for my belongings. she left my grill outside and it was stolen, she also broke numerous bowls and glasses of mine by leaving them on the floor… she also did various other things that really ticked me off… and she had no problem leaving our front door unlocked when leaving and noone home even though i had a thousand dollar guitar in my room. I wound up keeping my guitars at a friends because i didn’t trust to leave them at my apartment.</p>
<p>Yes definitely things could be worse Marian. In my d’s case, we are talking about lack of mutual respect, but nothing as serious as criminal behavior. (Though some of the items you listed have occurred to my d.) I don’t think this can be resolved; other things are going on that I’m not comfortable putting on open forum. So I do think she’ll try for other living arrangements at semester’s end. </p>
<p>As far as fendergirl’s comments about both parties being immature. I really have to stand up for my d and the suitemates on this one. They are not fighting over this…they are submitting in the interest of peace for now. To me, thinking in terms of the future and not giving in to immediate impulse is the epitome of maturity.</p>
<p>Try to get her to work it out (as you are) with her roommate. If it gets really bad, approach an RA with the other suitemates…or another official authority on the matter.</p>
<h2>“Have the suitemates been able to work things out?”</h2>
<p>Nope…and in fact, things have gotten really weird. I can’t elaborate too much yet, as both parties are in a meeting this evening to work out different living arrangements. I’ll be able to be a little more specific in a few days. Generally speaking, I think my d just got a stinker and as many have wisely said here ‘Life’s short…get out’…which is what she is doing.</p>
<p>I feel badly for all parties. My d, who is dealing with someone who clearly has emotional problems; the roommate who is having issues and who, according to my d, does not have a strong support system to help her with this; the suitemates and nearby residents who have offered to help by rearranging rooms (my d is amenable to this, the roomie is refusing to discuss it). It’s just a bad situation. My d has been adament though…she told housing she wants this resolved by Thanksgiving because she must focus on finals …and she cannot devote anymore time and effort to this problem. I’m on standby to ‘helicopter’ in…but so far my d is handling it very well without parental involvement. (But the rotors ARE running. ;))</p>
<p>I’ll post another update in a few days.</p>
<hr>
<p>Btw…I tried to test myself to see if I could not check out CC for at least 48 hours. I failed miserably! :)</p>
<p>It is really tough to know whether you are hearing an accurate portrayal of events, or if your student is forgetting to give the other side. It sound to me like IDmom is not one of the those parents who thinks she has the perfect child, she is looking at both sides and that is important.</p>
<p>One of my Ds had a bad roommate experience one year which became a very nasty situation. Initially, the girl seemed very sweet and you would look at her and think she was wonderfully adorable. But, she was odd, a bit obsessive, etc. My D took to staying away from the room, staying with others and was very distracted from her studies. I really looked long and hard at the situation and it was never resolved well, neither of us could find some one to take the other spot (off campus) so we ended up sharing to the end and it was unpleasant. I say we because the parents names were on the lease too ( as happens in this college town, for good reason), and the mom called me to complain so it become a parent issue and was definitely a “we” thing.</p>
<p>At first, I thought my D was being a drama queen, though she never said anything until after the first semester. And, in fact, there were complaints the roommate had which were things my D had done, but in fact, both girls were guilty of little stupid things and guilty of getting distracted by them in any discussions, avoiding the deeper issues and getting offended by inconsequential events. There were some really big issues on both sides which were causing the conflict over stupid things, my D had some friends who the roomie did not like and that got weird, then in talking with the rental manager, the management people seemed to think the girl was actually mentally ill, based on hysterical calls, and generally bizarre behaviors of which my D had mentioned many, but I had thought she was exaggerating. The girl was basically irrational and rude, and my D was rude at times in response, but more than that, unthinking early on and things she did or did not do became things the roomie could not get over. We finally determined the roomie had thought they would be best friends (they met on a roommate service!) and never got over that not happening.</p>
<p>So, it is quite possible that there is a serious underlying issue and all the little things are just distractions and no matter how you attempt to resolve them, it will never be enough, because they are not the deepest issue.</p>
<p>ldmom, I do hope that it does get resolved in the next few days, so that everyone can enjoy Thanksgiving. I think that it was very smart of your D to put a timetable on this so that she does not sacrifice her gpa b/c of this foolishness.</p>
<p>My roommate and I’s understanding is that studying in our room never takes precedence. There are study carrels, libraries, computer labs, study lounges, quiet rooms, etc all over campus. There are a billion places to study, but our room is really the only place we can watch t.v, talk on the phone, drink, hang out with our suitemates, eat, etc. </p>
<p>Our contract has worked out pretty well, except that his idiot friends keep calling him late at night or early in the morning, and he’ll take their call in bed while Im trying to sleep. He better hope his damn phone is still under warranty if it happens again.</p>
<p>^Vyse - What you describe is actually what was specified in my d’s roommate agreement. And I agree wholeheartedly with your approach. Healthy adjustment to being at college requires a chance to create a ‘home away from home’ where a student can feel relaxed and safe.</p>
<p>re: my daughter, we’ve had several days of pure hellish trauma over this, but my d has now acquired a good resolution. I don’t want to jinx it, so I’ll update this thread in a few days with the details.</p>
<p>I hope everything will work out ldmom06!! And when it does, please do let us know the details. Nosy people like me want to know.</p>
<p>A girl on the babbygirl’s hall woke up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago and saw her roommate on the floor…on all fours…naked…in front of a webcam!! Best reason I ever heard for different room assignment.</p>
<p>^ My best reason ever for different room assignment: </p>
<p>I had a roommate who stayed up all night, slept all day, informed me that she had walked out of a mental hospital where she was placed for allegedly attacking someone she “thought” was out to get her, saw beings come through our room window (which was over my bed) and then informed me that she thought she could “trust” me but now she had decided I was out to get her, too. </p>
<p>I never went back except to get my stuff out.</p>
<p>She later asked me why I moved–I muttered some stuff about, well, we keep different hours blah blah blah, and it turned out that she just wanted to make sure I hadn’t felt the evil presence she was afraid someone was hexing her with. I assured her I had not…</p>
<p>Hmm - after reading some of these posts I am thinking I may be more willing to contribute a few extra $$$$ so my daughter can get the single room she is wanting!</p>
<p>Egads abbybabby and garland! I’m with swimcatsmom, ldgirl is gonna get that single next year! This double room thing is like playing the lotto in the loonybin.</p>
Do it…worth every penny. Either go with someone you know or get the single. Can you tell I had the roommate from h-e-ll as well? Scarred for life…LOL.</p>
<p>Just thought I’d throw in the comment that our older son has found a friend for life in his roommate. They are travelling to China over winter break, and just seem to get along great. So not all roommate situations are bad!</p>