<p>A good friend’s D has a roommate who she thinks is using cocaine (because roomie’s good friend told friend’s D this because he’s worried about her). She’s had a DUI in the past. I’m concerned about this girl of course, but I don’t know her so I’m more concerned for my friend’s D at this point. They live in an apt, not a dorm. I guess it is unlikely that the police would have cause to search the apt, but if they did and found cocaine, could this be a potential problem for my friend’s D? What should she do about this?</p>
<p>If cops found cocaine in common living room or kitchen it would be big problem! If my D suspected her roomate was using cocaine, I would want one or the other to move out immediately…of course, that raises issues with a yearlong lease. So if it was my daughter I would have her consult an attorney in that state. Cocaine users often have other issues which make them less than ideal roomates.</p>
<p>A boy from here was arrested in Indiana @ a large off campus house where he lived with 5 other boys… Police suspected someone in the house was dealing drugs, they burst in and arrested everyone in the house, even those upstairs studying in their bedrooms. The charge, I believe was something like ‘maintaining a common nuisance.’ The charges against him and 2 of the other boys were eventually dropped - but not before the parents laid out a good deal of money in legal fees. If it were my D and I knew of this, I’d get her out w/o further delay. If roomie is using, she’s buying, and chances are she’s dealing as well!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t go so far as to say shes dealing, but it would be a good idea to get the girl out of there, cocaine can be a very bad influence and is extremely mentally addicting. If she is just using, she is probably doing it when she goes out at night and not in her bedroom at home. Either way she could be a very bad influence on the other girl. I would get her out as soon as possible. If there is some sort of lease consult an attorney to see if it is justifiable to break the lease b/c of the situation.</p>
<p>This is not legal advice and I’m not speaking as a lawyer…</p>
<p>A good lease should have language about the tenants obeying the law in the apartment. Even if it doesn’t have that language, if the roommate is committing ANY kind of felony in the apartment, the D should find a way to move out now. This goes double for drug crimes – who’s to say the roommate won’t get arrested and claim the cocaine in her possession belonged to your friend’s D? The D is very unlikely to end up convicted of a crime as a result of her roommate’s actions, but you don’t want the many lesser headaches that could result (being questioned by the police, etc.).</p>
<p>If she were going to hide something that can send her to prison and she lived with you in a two bedroom apartment, where would she hide it?
A) Where it is clearly in her personal space.
B.) Where it is in jointly controlled space.
C.) Where it is arguably in your personal space.
D.) It doesn’t matter. Get her (the cocaine user) gone from there anyway.</p>
<p>There is no grey area here - it’s black and white. What to do about it? Run. Be gone. The roommate should move out - today. Drugs and collateral crimes carry with them so much danger (physical danger, health risks, more crime, police records, damage to reputation, etc.) even for innocent and distant bystanders, it’s simply not worth the risk.</p>
<p>I concur with all of the above–one or the other must go. A close friend is an FBI agent–he explained the “common area” concept to me and it is very liberal. For instance, in a car, if drugs are anywhere in car other than in one individual’s pocket, it is considered in a common area and others will be charged.</p>
<p>A friend of D’s moved out of his parent’s home and into a house with other boys immediately after HS graduation. After only living there 2 nights, the police busted the house and he was arrested along with the others for “possession with intent to distribute”–I assume the quantity.</p>
<p>When I was in college I had an agreement with apartment mate that NO drugs would ever enter the premises. She agreed–but it didn’t last long. I found her stash, flushed it and gave her 24 hr. to move out. She moved out, I paid (actually my parents) full rent for a couple months until I could arrange another roommate. My parents weren’t happy with the increased expenses until I informed them why I would be living alone–they were then more than happy to help out.</p>
<p>Yea, as liberal as I am, I would say move asap. Simply not worth the hassle of getting caught in the middle. Beer while still a problem for a minor is far more socially acceptable, drugs while one could argue their comparability, just simply aren’t worth the hassle. It’s that simple.</p>
<p>Thanks you guys. I got worried and I’m still worried. I’ll talk to my friend.</p>
<p>I concur on the “common area” rule, a friend’d D was in a car that was pulled over for some minor infraction, a tiny amount of drugs were found in a non-identifiable place and every one was arrested, the person who ended up with the info on their record was not the bad guy, but the “stooge” (the innocent on whom the bad guys blamed things)</p>
<p>Yes, the girl should not have been with those people, but still she ended up with legal bills, an arrest record and all sorts of other complications. Unbeknownst to her the perpetrators were scummy people who knew how to steer the situation in the way most favorable to them.</p>
<p>A university may be sympathetic to your plight when you missed a mid-term to be hospitalized, but not when you missed it for jail! Avoid the drama and the complications.</p>
<p>If financial aid is involved, you don’t want drug complications. If any drug related legal convictions, FAFSA money is not available. I can’t remember details of the restrictions, but they were sufficiently scary to make me sit up, take notice and warn the Ds.</p>
<p>I have no experience, but in answer to your Q “what to do about this,” my thought is to begin flushing the drugs down the toilet each time she sees them lying around. Raid all known hidden stashes, too, and flush them. </p>
<p>This will drive the roommate nuts and after screaming at your friend’s D, might hurry her departure. If she confronts the D, “What did you do with my stuff?!” the answer could be along the lines of, “I can’t risk having this where I live, not even for another minute. Decide now: either stop using in our apartment, or start moving out now, unless you want me to call the police on you this afternoon. If you’d rather stop using to be able to keep this apartment, let’s flush it all and I’ll walk you over to the drug counseling/rehab center together. Just decide now.” Stand still, cross your arms, stare at her until she makes a move. Create a confrontation, then stay strong. Have a friend there–maybe. I’m not sure about that.</p>
<p>I have no experience, just instincts here. Is my approach flawed? I’m interested. Sometimes I’m too cut-and-dry. My tactic would be to make things absolutely unbearable for the roommate, ASAP. No kindness. Lots of pressure.</p>
<p>^^timed out: also forewarn the friend’s D that the coke-user will likely steal something to compensate herself for the flushed drugs. So first hide away loose money, purses, small electronics, cellphone…anything small and grab-able by an angry person who thinks she was just “robbed.”
If you can find a fact sheet about manipulative behaviors that accompany drug use, that’s good prior reading so she doesn’t remain sucked into all that. She must be somewhat, if the drugs are happening right now, in plain view, AND she told her mother!</p>
<p>It’s not happening in plain view. Friend’s D has been told by roomie’s friend that it’s happening. Might not be in apt, but, the again, it might be.</p>
<p>bethie, have your friend’s d go to the counseling office at her school. They will talk to her confidentially about the situation and may be able to offer direct, local advice about the best way to get out of the situation. Particularly since this is just based on hearsay.</p>
<p>If she doesn’t want to do that, perhaps she should call one of the hotlines like the Samaritans or a durg abuse hotline. Those are anonymous and could offer her support.</p>
<p>Because of fear of retaliation, including not just theft but violence, I would not be so direct as to flush the drugs or have a confrontation with the roommate without a serious backup plan. </p>
<p>This is a dangerous situation that your friend’s d is probably not capable of handling on her own (heck, at my age, I’m not capable of handling it on my own!) - she needs local adult, possibly security, support.</p>
<p>A note of caution: this is hearsay, and it may be exaggerated or even completely untrue. The OPs friend may have to be the one to move out if she doesn’t have any proof of this…the accused girl may well deny using, and what then?</p>
<p>there is going out partying and taking a line, and there is having a stash in your home and there is dealing</p>
<p>It could be anything from hearing that the roommate had some cocaine at a club to seeing lines out on the coffee table</p>
<p>She can talk to the roommate and say, this is what I heard- someone is talkinga bout you doing coke, </p>
<p>I can’t stop what you do outside of our place, however, I can’t afford to get busted if there is more to it then I don’t know that I feel comfortable knowing there are illegal drugs in the house…if someone is spreading stories about you doing drugs, who knows what else they might say…</p>
<p>P3T brought up a good point - if someone in the apt is using drugs, stealing to pay for them is a possibility at some point. Your friend’s D might want to safeguard any valuables.</p>
<p>I like the suggestion to have the girl consult a counselor at the school. No reason to damage the roommate’s reputation on hearsay, but certainly worth investigating the rumor to determine if there’s any truth to it.</p>
<p>The school counselor suggestion is the one I passed on to my friend and she liked the idea. Who knows if the D will do it, but at least it’s a harmless suggestion and could give her some support through a stressful situation.</p>
<p>cgm</p>
<p>You’re right–it could be at any of those levels, though I’m almost sure from what I’ve heard that there is some drug use going on–there have been significant behavior changes in roomie since the beginning of the semester. There have been issues in the past and she had to take a gap year.</p>