I’m sharing a single bedroom college dorm and working for University Housing as a night desk attendant, meaning I work from the hours of 11pm to 4am, as such I choose to have later classes and usually sleep until 11am. Unfortunately my roommate is an early bird who goes to bed at 9:30pm every night and wakes up at 7am.
I know that I probably makes noise and bother her when I have to get ready for work in the dark and get ready for bed when I come home so I told her not to worry too much about making noise and use ear plugs to block out some of the noise from her hair-dryer and laptop typing in the morning. So far this has worked alright, usually her hair-dryer wakes me up but I can tune it out enough to sleep.
However her parents recently bought her a nice coffee maker for the dorm that she loves and uses every morning when she gets up… three feet from my bed in our tiny room. The thing is, the smell of coffee gives me headaches and once I smell it I can’t go back to sleep for hours. I don’t know how to ask her to stop, I feel bad for asking her not to use something her parents gave her as a gift and I know she likes her coffee in the morning, but I need to get a full nights sleep or I’m going to go crazy. What should I do? I thought about asking her to move her coffee machine to the kitchen or our next door neighbors (her best friends) room. Would those requests be reasonable?
If the kitchen is not exclusively yours, the coffee maker could get stolen or used by other people and that’s really not fair to ask – like asking you to leave your computer outside the room unattended when you’re not using it. If it’s YOUR kitchen then that’s perfectly reasonable.
Sounds like you need to find a new roommate as your schedules just do not match. Nothing wrong with this. I am sure you get along fine but as you have discovered, it is hard to get adequate sleep when the schedules do not match. that is why they ask the question on the dorm questionnaire. Colleges understand these challenges and work to avoid them. In room coffee is normal and make life much easier. Who wants to get dressed and walk to the dining hall in the winter just for a simple cup of coffee. Best to have it in room.
You only have a few more months, then you can find another roommate who is an night owl like yourself.
I really can’t move dorms because I’m living in the same dorm as my boyfriend and we get so little time together as it is it would be a big strain on our relationship if I moved across campus.I know this because we lived far apart last year, when we were a lot less busy, and it was so frustrating to see each other. I’ve also been living here all year and she was only placed here this semester so I feel like if anyone should have to move it would be her. Her friends room is just next door, she would just have to wear pjs.
If they don’t also get up at 7:30 am, you’re asking them to either a) leave their door unlocked so she can get in while they’re sleeping or b) get up absurdly early to let her in.
If someone asked me to do either of those things I would say “heck no” (or possibly stronger language depending on how early they want to force me to get up) and that would be the end of that.
If and only if they already get up that early would it be a reasonable request. (“It won’t make me sick? Yeah, but lack of sleep will, and you want me to get up WHEN, exactly???”)
Right. All I am saying is that someone needs to move out in the future. Not really much you can do now. Just have to find another night owl next semester.
Remember. You NEED another night owl. I don’t think her schedule is all that crazy at all. I think the roommate’s schedule is more normal than yours. Sure kids party late on weekends but most kids are not up to 4am each school night. Some kids are and you need to match up with such a person. Getting another morning person will not fix the problem.
Their room is attached to ours through a shared bathroom that cant be locked. And she usually starts her coffee at 9am, at least one of them is in ROTC and leaves at 6am. If I can’t ask her to move it what else can I do to get sleep and not destroy my life by moving? Is there such a thing as non-stinky coffee?
Huge coffee lover, and early bird, myself. That being said, I don’t think it would be wrong for you to ask her how you can come to some sort of resolution.
If I smell coffee brewing it literally triggers my brain to wake up. I would have a hard time sleeping through that.
I would talk to her and ask her for help. You do need your sleep, and your request doesn’t seem unreasonable to me especially since you try to be quiet when you come in and out at night.
Thankfully my boyfriend and I are getting an apartment next year. Also we weren’t matched by any quiz, she moved in mid-year so she just picked my room randomly since my old roommate had graduated.
For some people, having coffee first thing in the morning is as important to them in avoiding a headache as not smelling that coffee is to you. I’m sure there’s more to it, but it sounds like you want both conveniences- having your boyfriend close and not having to smell your roommate’s coffee… I think you have to pick one. It is not reasonable to ask her to stop making coffee.
I don’t want to ask her to stop. I just want her to make it further away from me. I think it’s pretty rude of her to just assume that its fine to brew coffee early anyway without asking. She knows my schedule and like the other poster said, coffee wakes most people up whether it makes them sick or not.
Talk to her and explain your situation. If you can’t come to an agreement (do you work EVERY night?, perhaps she can buy coffee on some mornings and not others), then you should plan to move. It won’t ‘destroy your life’.
Sorry you’re right, I’m really really tired and very frustrated with the situation. I just don’t feel like she’s as considerate of me as I am of her. For example she completely rearranged the furniture in the room the day she moved in, before we had even met, with out asking. I didn’t want to make waves so I just rolled with it. She wanted to use her hairdryer in the room in the mornings so I got used to earplugs for her. She wants to use a big bright make up light in the morning so I went out and bought a tapestry to hang in between that part of our room. She wants the overhead lights, instead of a smaller desk light, when I take naps so I learned to deal with it. She goes to bed earlier so I have to brush my hair and do my make up in the dining hall bathroom on the way to work but she gets to do everything in the room while I’m trying to sleep. I feel like I’m the one making all the compromises and she should have to give on something.
Sorry, moving just isn’t an option for my situation. I’m also not sure if I even could move if I wanted to, I was hired, in part, because I was staying in this particular dorm so I could work in the other dorms that need people to cover them. I run the risk of not getting as many hours if I’m moved to one of the buildings I work now and have to switch to a better covered area.
I feel you. I can be incredibly grouchy and rude when I don’t get enough sleep. And I hate when my sleep in interrupted by noise or smells. There are certain smells that make me sick right off the bat so I understand where you are coming from. I think it is time to call a meeting between you and your roommate. I feel that the coffee brewing is one issue but it seems that there are others such as you having to be quiet around her and what not. I would pick a time where she and you are both well rested and calm. Then just tell her you want to discuss some things with her. Obviously don’t attack her and give both sides to the situation. Like I feel bad asking you to move a gift from your parents but it is making me feel ill. You can also ask her how she thinks you can both remedy the problem. Chances are she has no idea that what she is doing is bothering you because you haven’t made a stink about it. So in her mind, she isn’t doing anything wrong because she hasn’t been met with any opposition. If you are really uncomfortable confronting her then ask your RA for tips. So either talk to her or stick it out with the time you have left. Good luck!
^ Agree - this will only be resolved with a nice chat. Explain how it actually makes you ill and not be able to get back to sleep and what dos she think you should do. Tell her you’ve accommodated as much as possible too (makeup outside room,etc.). But you need to talk - don’t feel bad or guilty for talking about it.