We never stayed with our kids and none of the other parents of our kids stayed with the kids. D"s friend stayed with her folks, at their hotel during their visit. She said that the friend said it made her folks happy. D was fine staying wherever was most convenient–her place or our hotel. One of our friends did stay with their S and his room mate. The S had a huge place and usually both the S and room mate were traveling anyway, so I don’t think the room mate minded.
Just picked up freshman son and was amazed at all the stuff I had bought for him that was never used – Broke back a case of k-cups, toothpaste, shaving cream, a package of melamine dishes that were literally unopened, school supplies that were never used. And yeah, we will be replacing the funky smelling towels and stained pillowcases, etc. The reality is much different that what I planned for last summer.
My scanning skills must be poor - I have scanned the first few pages and that deer head links are not popping out at me!
I cannot imagine spending the night in one of my kids dorm rooms! Definitely not repeated times!
We can’t even imagine spending the night in a place our kiddo shares with others who are present. We did stay with our S when his room mate was out of town and it was just us and S. That seemed OK. S had us sleep on his bed and his futons. We did not touch anything of his room mate’s.
With a dorm, I agree with other people, it is best to keep it at a minimum, things like vacuum cleaners are going to be in the dorm and can be signed out, and dorm rooms aren’t generally that big to start with. With things like microwaves, I would check with the school’s website or call the director of housing, at some schools they don’t want kids having microwaves, in large part because of old wiring. A fridge is nice, if allowed, but I agree that things like posters and such should be up to the kids. When my son moved into his dorm freshman year, he had his clothing and bedsheets and his computer and some books, plus a supply of things like energy bars and the like, and that was about it, he didn’t want more than that.
I also agree with helping them move the stuff in and then letting the boys set up the room and such, believe me, they probably will be glad to have the parents away and doing it themselves, they don’t want to feel like little kids:).
When my son moved into an apartment this year, it was a bit different, because it was an apartment, and he knew his roommate well, and they collaborated on what they needed/wanted. I helped them move the stuff into the apartment, and then my wife and I left, if they had needed something we would have helped them, but they didn’t.
Tell your son if they want to get stuff for the room, you would be glad to either have it shipped to them, or have them buy it. The other factor here is when financial situations are different, you may want to be mindful of the other roommate. When I went away to college, I was by no means poor (pretty much middle class), but I didn’t exactly wear designer clothes or have fancy things. I had a roommate who was fairly well off (really a suite mate), and he made it clear every moment how superior he was, was always bragging about eating out at relatively pricey restaurants and so forth (fortunately, the other suitemates were pretty much like myself, so the kid soon learned we weren’t thrilled with him).I realize you probably were just trying to be nice, and I doubt very much you were thinking anything more than what the boys might need, but people have pride, and it could be the roommates mom felt like you were throwing your relative affluence in their face by buying all that stuff (not saying you were, of course, just that I can understand why someone would feel that). Her gay comment was absolutely stupid and horrific, there is no excuse for that other than ignorance.
Four years after graduating, my daughter is still using my old towels that she went to college with-- if she wanted new ones, she’s had four years of independence to buy them. Clearly this is something she doesn’t care about. My bet is that they will accompany her to grad school this fall.
At the very end of sr year, D1 wanted me to stay for a party and sleep on their daybed and I went back to the motel. The offer was nice, though. DH did once sleep on the parlor sofa right outside her room. For some reason, her section of that floor was nearly empty. D2 was moving her things out early and I did sleep in her bed. But it was a single in a house, during a break when few others were there.
One of my Ds had a friend who was in a dorm in Manhattan, a double room with one roomie. Whenever the roomie’s parents visited, they stayed in the room in sleeping bags! Even when the friend objected, the parents ignored what their son was telling him. I can’t even imagine doing this. What are people thinking?!
^ LOL they are probably thinking, no way we are paying for a hotel room in this city!
My oldest brother and his wife pinch a nickel until it screams. When I was single post-college, they would come and visit me in my studio apartment in the city occasionally and have no problems sleeping in my bed (which I offered to them) while I slept on the floor in the living area. It didn’t stop them complaining about the comfort of the lodging either.
abasket- go to bespokenbug.com. I think the deer head is several pages in. It may not be the same one as the one I found was pretty pricey but it will give you an idea.
I’m assuming the parents visiting, described above, were sleeping in an apartment? I just cannot imagine trying to crash my Ds dorm… there isn’t even space to turn around in the bedrooms, although she did have a living room connected to their rooms.
is this the deer head? It’s pretty cool
http://bespokebug.com/metal-deer-mount-sculpture/
It’s my first time to browse bespokesbug. I am amazed, amused, and slightly traumatized. Somone pass me a margarita, stat!
ditto what scholarme said! Some people are very… ummm…creative!!!
If only one of us was visiting, we stayed with DS in his grad school place…which he did not share with anyone. But if both of us went, we stayed at an Inn we liked.
And FYI, that kid is using our old towels, plus a set he got in 2003 (Company Store) as a HS graduation gift. They are just fine.
We send him new dishtowels every so often. Those get thrown away after a year or so.
Op,
There are 2 separate items:
- I think that during move in you should stay as long as “most” parents stay. Some colleges do move in over 2 days; some do move in a few hours.
- Decorating the room: leave it up to the kids. If they put in a special order with you then you can buy it. Kids want to decorate (or leave the room completely bare) by themselves. Lamp is ok. As for a vacuum, maybe the RA will use it?
picked up our son this weekend. dust pan and brush - not touched
@barfly - I assume that kid is not a roommate any longer? I can’t imagine someone putting up with someones parents visiting like that for more that 1 school year.