HM, you may not be planning to speak with the other mom(s,) but these fellows are best friends. OP doesn’t know the other mom well, but she’s not a total stranger. She even knows their financial situation.
Most of us let our kids do the discussing. If there is any discussion. Just saying. I have no dog in this race, but can feel for the other mom, whose kid is also going off.
Btw, I still remember the mom who was so involved she unpacked the underwear in front of everyone.
@harvestmoon1 no, it’s not typical. I don’t personally know anyone whose parents communicated prior to move-in. Generally, roommates talked about who was bringing what (TV, microwave, etc).
Something a little like this happened when my kid started college. Kid was in a suite with a common room. On move in day one set of parents went and bought lots of stuff. Another set of parents got super upset and said that college kids shouldn’t have all this “stuff.” It was obvious that part of the problem was they couldn’t afford to contribute things of equal value, but part of it too was that they just resented having another set of parents butt in and take over. It didn’t help that the attitude of the wealthier parents was that everyone else should be grateful for their generosity.
It’s unlikely that your S and friend already know the size of the dorm room they will have.Often things like fridges and microwaves can be rented–and sometimes they can ONLY be rented. It may be that they won’t be permitted to hang things like the deer antlers or even the posters. Or…there may be only room for one poster and you’ve made the choice of which ONE because of your S’s preferences.
I know your heart was in the right place, but I can understand the resentment. What’s on the walls should either be chosen by the two boys or, if they can’t agree, your S can decorate his side of the room. At least wait until you find out what sort of room they have and what the rules are.
“My D also goes off to college in the Fall. I’ll be honest, I had not planned on talking to her roommates mother before we make purchases. Is that common practice?”
I don’t think there’s anything to discuss with the other roommate’s parents. If there is going to have to be a meeting of the minds on common items like a fridge, then it’s for the students to work it out and inform the parents. I never met my D’s freshman roommate’s parents (the girl had moved in earlier as she was an athlete) and I only met my S’s freshman roommate’s parents as we were all moving in together.
If my son had gone to state flagship, and was rooming with a close friend, I too would be chatting with the parents. The big difference is, we each would have been contributing $$$ for items. In this case, the finances are lopsided. Also, the parents’ styles are different. The OP would want to leave her son totally set up.
“My D was all over that and organized who would bring what and we got to bring the couch, wall hangings, area rug, etc.”
Couch. I confess I don’t get this. What dorm room has room for a COUCH?? None I’ve ever been in.
I guess I should be thankful we never had the talk to the roommates parents dilemma. Heck, the kids themselves only met their roommates on move in day! Funny thing is, my D and her freshman roomie had chosen complimentary bedding and decorations.
I think that when families know each other, but economics are lopsided, I would pull back even more than I would otherwise, in hopes it would make other kid feel more comfortable.
They don’t need the stuff.
Do they have a meal plan?
Yes it will be nice to have a fridge & microwave, but not necessary.
Wait till they ask/ develop a plan to get the items they want.
Vacuum.
I’m assuming they aren’t taking an iron too.
I asked D1 if she wanted a room fridge (we had one.) She said, “Sure, for water.” She did keep water in it, but the rest wasn’t snacks. There was a kitchen (on the floor) with a microwave. At both of the schools I’ve worked at, housing assignments don’t even go out until July, for first years. I think that’s about when my kids learned. I know some state schools have sooner deadlines, to ensure you get a room. But do these two guys even have assurance they’ll be assigned the same room?
@jerseygirl67 You and I are a lot alike. Too bad our sons aren’t rooming. I enjoy decorating, so with my oldest son’s guidance, I admit to doing a fair amount. I made sure everything was on his side of the room. He did end up putting some things away (throw pillow on the bed, window valance), but overall, his room looked great and I know a few girls commented on it.
Guess what his first apartment purchase was? A mallard duck toilet paper holder. While not my taste, I applaud him for showing his individuality.
Youngest son would only say he wanted a blue comforter. He wouldn’t even let me make the bed or put anything in drawers. We were out of his room within 15 minutes of arriving. Fine.
Does anyone else find it odd that roommate assignments are made this early? Even at our state u with rolling admissions, roommates and dorms were not assigned until June. Something doesn’t seem right here.
If they requested to be roommates, they could probably have done that by now. D2 could have listed someone on the forms she sent in a few weeks ago.
My kid and a friend were roommates…by request. They absolutely knew quite early that they were roommates. They also knew the dorm, and the rooms were not big enough to accommodate anything extra beside a fridge.
My kid’s room freshman year was enormous, so he took the futon from our basement. The boys bought everything else they needed - like a rug - at Walmart. They also frequented Good Will a lot. His soph. year 3 guys shared two adjoining rooms. One was set up as the hang out room and that’s were the futon was. Jr. year he had a small single so the futon went to the big yard sale the school has at the end of year (a lot of schools have these.) This yr he was in a 1 bedroom campus apartment and so back to Good Will he went.
If I was the OP I’d back way, way down. Leave it all up to the boys to sort out.
First, it isn’t easy to be the poor roommate. My roommate owned everything in our apartment and it never felt like mine. That wasn’t her fault but mine; she was very generous. Her mother saved us about once a month by bringing a bag of groceries, TP, treats, and that was much more important to two college kids than posters or tv’s. Anyway, I think the mother is a little jealous, a little frustrated about how much money she can’t provide, but correct that the boys don’t need all this stuff and she just doesn’t want to hear about it anymore. Bring the guys a bag of food, drinks, popcorn, or even decorations every month. If you bring them Clorox wipes in October, there is a chance they might just use them.
My daughter is in a suite of 4. She was supposed to be in a different suite, but there was a mix up, so the others were all planning what to bring all summer and we just arrived with her clothes. The others had tv, Netflix thing, vacuum, hooks, bathroom shelves, extra chairs, dishes, door decorations- anything you can think of. My daughter is a minimalist. Anyway, as the year has gone on, girl drama has exploded and the owner of the toaster, tv, lamp, vacuum, and a few other things has taken them all into her room. My daughter doesn’t care, doesn’t really watch tv that much, can live without toast, but just thinks it stupid that this kid can’t make it through a few last weeks (daughter comes home on Friday). No one wants to room with this bossy girl as she’ll be the RA and really bossy next year, and other pressures are spilling over (they are all teammates) into their suite. Next year my daughter is living with two girls from another team and I think that will be better as she won’t be with the same kids 24/7. I thought that for this year too but no one listens to me.
My daughter has so little at school that she’s able to pack it all into a few boxes to store at a friend’s for the summer. She doesn’t need any more than that. My other daughter has some stuff in her dorm, but it will all fit in the back of the CRV. It’s mostly clothes except the dorm fridge, and that might get donated to the campus sale. Next year, about 1/8th the stuff will go back.
I was sort of bummed S1 insisted on no curtains. I can’t imagine boys using a vacuum or the floor not having one. Thanks to cc I had most of what was on a master list back then. He took about 10% of it back the next year and did just fine. A small tool kit will be the hit of the dorm and double-sheeting the bed is one of cc’s best hints. We did go to Target and buy a small futon after meeting the roommate and agreement on that.
I will be paring what I deem “essential” waaaaay down when D leaves in a few months.
Yes to the vacuum if there is carpet! I didn’t buy one for DS when he went to college and he ended up purchasing one first semester. The carpet can get really gross without one.
My kids had clothes rack for drying their delicates. Yes, I have girls. They also had an espresso machine in their room, complete with milk frother.
One semester, D1 ad her bff shared one 30" closet. That was hardship. I would have bought her another, but there literally was no footprint for it. They survived.
I think it’s safe to say that OF’s experiences are unusual- not that that’s bad, just that it’s something to keep in mind